WND Finds Duggar Daughters’ Secret Of Happy Families. Spoiler: It’s Jesus

Watch, if you can, this video of 21% of the Duggar children as they explain the secret to successful family life, especially how to do dating, or as these gals call it, “courtship,” because only sluts “date.” It’s “dating with a purpose,” they explain, aimed at finding a good Christian man to fill your quiver. And as it happens, the Duggirls — Jinger, Jill, Jessica and Jana — have a book out what is called Growing Up Duggar: It’s All About Relationships, WND would like to remind you, and we are pretty taken with its combination of Barry Williams’s title Growing Up Brady: I Was a Teenage Greg and the most obvious subtitle ever — you mean to say that family life involves relationships? There’s an insight!

We were also rather fascinated by Jean Loudon’s strange verbal slip where she asks “what preempted the book, why did you decide to do it?” But we decided that we wouldn’t make a big deal about it. And we even decided that we wouldn’t make too much of the sisters’ voices, which, even though the family is from Alabama Akansas, bring to mind what Kurt Vonnegut said about Indianapolis accents, “where common speech sounds like a band saw cutting galvanized tin.”

The WND puff piece also reminds us that the new season of the Duggars TV series, Ten Thousand Maniacs and Counting, will be premiering on April 1, and that this season features some heavy-duty courtin’ and Godliness. We learn that WND caught up with the Duggar daughters at CPAC, which is kind of like a rightwing BronyCon but with more furtive shameful gay sex, and notes that the sisters were “attired modestly but charmingly in floor-length skirts,” unlike all the slutty slut girls on teevee these days.

Anyway, even though this may cut into our book kickback if any of you were insane enough to click the Amazon clicky, the secret to a happy home turns out to be humility and having a good relationship with the most important person in your family, which is Jesus:

“I hope this book will really be an encouragement to young ladies, to know that through the difficult times, through good and bad, that God is always there for them,” she said.

“And we understand,” she added, “we’re normal girls and have the same struggles and the same challenges, just like anyone else. But, if you turn your heart completely to the Lord, He will definitely help and be there for you.”

Because you can always trust the voices that talk back to you in your head. Also, another important element of Duggar Family Harmony is to never make any pointed comparisons between Mom and a clown car.

[WND]

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  • iyamtoo

    They are from Arkansas.

  • Kai Oatey

    The book was pre-empted? I don’t understand.

  • bumfug

    The best thing about that video was the Miracle Whip ad that preceded it.

  • DemmeFatale

    How much do you wanna bet that the Duggar with the crappy hair (far right), is jealous of the luxurious locks on her sisters?I’m sure they’re supposed to be above all that, but I have daughters, and I know what goes on.

    • Red_cted

      Speaking as a konna-soor, crappy long hair is better than no long hair. Give me five minutes in the shower with her and a bottle of Cowboy Magic Detangler.

  • smartytude

    As a resident of Arkansas, I would like to thank the author of this article for moving the Duggar family to Alabama.

    • dimplasm

      Me too. I would appreciate it.

  • JParkerSD46

    The word “preemptive” wasn’t a slip or mistake. Dr.(?) Louden just wanted to throw in a cool three syllable word cuz “precipitate” is just way too much. And, boy, they worked plugs in for books, tv shows, website and hey, dudes, we’re looking for serious marriage material.

    • Ellis_Weiner

      True, but I think she meant to say “prompted.”

  • Red_cted

    It’s nice to see they’re all able to fulfill my LONG HAIR FETISH, BABY. I’m ready to walk barefoot through all that stuff. What, Jesus says NONO?

  • dsmith

    The pendulum has swung so far towards Miley Cyrus it makes these young women look like they are from a different era. I have to say it’s rather refreshing to see these sisters with goals and standards as opposed to the two women I read about this week who have a podcast called “Guys we Fu*ked” an hour long program discussing the guys who banged them and then left them. Go figure?

    • Monty

      Why do you refer to the podcast as being about the guys who banged them and not about the guys they banged? Hint: it isn’t called “Guys Who Fucked Us.”On the other hand, Miley Cyrus. Less said the better.

    • anjealka

      It is the middle ground that is healthy. Miley is way out there, but the Duggars are just as out there on the other side. Do you realize 24 year old Jana is not allowed to drive to the store to buy makeup or milk with a chaperone? or Jill can’t become a certified midwife because she isn’t allowed to take the classes she needs because brick and mortar colleges are forbidden.If they raised them right by 18 they should have some freedoms? There are plenty of middle ground kids, modest dress, go to college, date without sex , that is what I think most of us would hope for over Miley or the Duggar prison.

      • Deleted

        This post was deleted.

      • jkarov

        Exactly right about the Duggar prison. These young women are forbidden to go to college, they can’t work outside the home, and their life consists of being groomed as brood mares.Their chief occupation so far in life is to raise the dozens of younger siblings, cook dinner, do the wash, and submit absolutely to their father in every request he makes, no matter how debasing, demeaning, or intrusive in their lives.Their future is only one thing, to find a man to submit to utterly, and have as many kids as possible. No jobs, no education or college, no traveling, no exploration of the world, no career, no personal growth. Bible, babies, bedroom, and housework, full stop.I lost a young female friend as a result of militant Christian doctrine enforced by her abusive husband. She finally killed herself in despair of ever being free from the chains of bondage that her abusive husband built around her.The so called “Quivering” movement is responsible for so much suffering, abuse, sadness, and suicide

    • DemmeFatale

      These are our choices?Miley or the Duggar girls?I weep for both.

    • jkarov

      Read some of the horrific stories of abuse and suffering about the Quivering movement that these brainwashed young women are part of.http://www.nolongerquivering.comThese women were raised in a home that’s reminiscent of the religious limitations and strictures of Muslim countries ruled by the Taliban

  • vreejack

    Ya, Arkansas. Specifically, from a town called “nope.”

  • glasspusher

    Would it kill them to show some sideboob?

    • Seapost

      No such thing. They also resemble “Barbie-dolls” “down-there.” 3-D twits are scary that way. There’s no “there” there. Animated mannequins for Jesus..

  • glasspusher

    Got two minutes into it, that’s all I could stand…

  • Seapost

    Dear Gawd Jaysus! Now I have to pick from “dreck” and unmitigated “pap.”I should probably just “vomit,” while I still retain a semblance of “gut-wrenching.”

  • jkarov

    These women were raised in a home that’s reminiscent of the religious limitations and strictures of Muslim countries ruled by the Taliban

  • thepoliticalcat

    You are SO fucking wrong, Dok. It’s not Mom and a clown car. It’s Mom’s COOCHY and a clown car.Gotta pay attention to every detail.