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on Tuesday, February 19, 2013
It's the premiere of What We Had to Watch, where your host Il Neige braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking! In his Agony Booth debut, Il Neige takes a look at the fantasy adventure Eragon, a film based on a book written by a kid, for kids. It's the Kidz Bop of Fantasy Literature!
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)
“If the source novel didn’t start out as Twilight fanfic, I’ll drop dead of shock.”Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)
“Because every screenwriter knows that if you can’t give your protagonist a personality, you can always give him a destiny.”Return to Oz (1985)
“Can’t say I really blame Aunt Em for wanting to strap Dorothy up to the electroshock machine. WTF kind of stuff is she telling people? Can’t Dorothy just tell them about the cute stuff, like the Lollipop Guild or whatever? I think if she had focused more on the non-creepy aspects of Oz, Aunt Em would be praising her for her creativity and imagination, not sending her off to Dr. Shocker, erm, Worley.”Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)
“Just imagine a standup comic telling you the same joke over and over for 105 minutes just to make sure you got it, and you’ll get a pretty good idea of what this movie is like.”Timeline (2003)
“They join the battle alongside the French, all the while causing, presumably, numerous time paradoxes by blatantly messing with history. Or not. Timeline doesn’t really concern itself with such trivia.”Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
“Director Doug Liman channels Harold Ramis, albeit taking things in a very different direction (less Andie MacDowell, more Alien MindControl).”
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