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on Tuesday, February 19, 2013
It's the premiere of What We Had to Watch, where your host Il Neige braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking! In his Agony Booth debut, Il Neige takes a look at the fantasy adventure Eragon, a film based on a book written by a kid, for kids. It's the Kidz Bop of Fantasy Literature!
"No matter how good of a job the director did, and no matter how hard the screenwriters worked, nobody else's talent is ever going to fix the middle-aged woman's disturbing sparkly wank-dream that is Twilight."The Lord of the Rings (1978)
"Luckily for him, Tolkien died before this movie was made. Had he seen it, I've little doubt he would have hunted down and personally killed everyone responsible for this monstrosity."Quest for Camelot (1998)
"What people who hate Western animation think the whole genre is like."The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)
“If the source novel didn’t start out as Twilight fanfic, I’ll drop dead of shock.”Return to Oz (1985)
“Can’t say I really blame Aunt Em for wanting to strap Dorothy up to the electroshock machine. WTF kind of stuff is she telling people? Can’t Dorothy just tell them about the cute stuff, like the Lollipop Guild or whatever? I think if she had focused more on the non-creepy aspects of Oz, Aunt Em would be praising her for her creativity and imagination, not sending her off to Dr. Shocker, erm, Worley.”The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
The vampires are back, and more sparkly than ever. Will Bella be able to get over Edward? Will Jacob give up shirts altogether? Do you even care? Il Neige sure doesn't, but that's not gonna stop him from sitting through this two-hour mess of a sequel.
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