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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Michael A. Novelli
on Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.
The Giver (2014)
“There are times when it feels like the characters in The Giver are really just living in a slightly more authoritarian Disneyworld.”The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)
“Catching Fire is a far superior, more adult film than The Hunger Games, as we see the young characters we recognize from the first film grow into the people that could potentially help shape a new world. In particular, we watch as Katniss begins to believe in the power she could wield, and we wonder if this mockingjay has finally spread her wings.”The Help (2011)
Emma Stone is a White Savior character in 1960s Mississippi who writes a book about the black maids in town (Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer), which makes all the white people in town feel bad about racism. It also makes a buttload of money for Emma, while leaving the maids worse off then before. Whoops!Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)
“Just imagine a standup comic telling you the same joke over and over for 105 minutes just to make sure you got it, and you’ll get a pretty good idea of what this movie is like.”Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)
"Every shot is tilted at a different angle. I'd call this 'jarring', but I'd worry about offending jars."The Host (2013)
“Stephenie Meyer does for the alien invasion genre what she did for vampires and werewolves: she takes away everything you love about it, stuffs it with her own bizarre mythology, and uses it mostly to create a love triangle and romantic angst.”
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