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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Michael A. Novelli
on Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Edward decides his kind is too dangerous to be around Bella, so he goes into contrived self-exile, leaving Bella to screech like a maniac for months before finally finding comfort in hot werewolf Jacob. Alas, Sofie's endless mocking of the movie earns her the wrath of Pia (played by Sofie Liv), a scantily-clad airhead who breaks into Sofie's house to share a love of all things Twilight!The Cat in the Hat (2003)
Joey's setting the record straight. He doesn't want you to watch this movie. Here are five good reasons why you should stay away from The Cat in the Hat.Vampires Suck (2010)
This time out, Seltzerberg spoofs The Twilight Saga, and guess what? It's not nearly as soul-crushingly awful as what you're imagining! Watch as Winston O'Boogie risks all his internet reviewer cred by admitting to actually laughing at this thing.War of the Worlds (2005)
“While I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it’s one of Steven Spielberg’s best, his version of War of the Worlds is high up there on the rather short list of remakes that are actually better than the originals.”Twilight (2008)
"No matter how good of a job the director did, and no matter how hard the screenwriters worked, nobody else's talent is ever going to fix the middle-aged woman's disturbing sparkly wank-dream that is Twilight."Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
“Director Doug Liman channels Harold Ramis, albeit taking things in a very different direction (less Andie MacDowell, more Alien MindControl).”
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