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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Michael A. Novelli
on Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.
The Hunger Games (2012)
“Who would have thought a movie about kids killing kids would be this family-friendly?”Vampires Suck (2010)
This time out, Seltzerberg spoofs The Twilight Saga, and guess what? It's not nearly as soul-crushingly awful as what you're imagining! Watch as Winston O'Boogie risks all his internet reviewer cred by admitting to actually laughing at this thing.The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Edward decides his kind is too dangerous to be around Bella, so he goes into contrived self-exile, leaving Bella to screech like a maniac for months before finally finding comfort in hot werewolf Jacob. Alas, Sofie's endless mocking of the movie earns her the wrath of Pia (played by Sofie Liv), a scantily-clad airhead who breaks into Sofie's house to share a love of all things Twilight!Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)
“Just imagine a standup comic telling you the same joke over and over for 105 minutes just to make sure you got it, and you’ll get a pretty good idea of what this movie is like.”The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (2012)
Count Jackula and Horror Guru go on a killing spree due to the last entry of the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn: Part 2, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner.The Giver (2014)
“There are times when it feels like the characters in The Giver are really just living in a slightly more authoritarian Disneyworld.”
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