True Detective: Other Lives

truedetective_title

FADE IN:

INT. COLIN FARRELL’S HOUSE

COLIN FARRELL is getting ready for WORK when he finds LIEUTENANT JAMES FRAIN in his house.

COLIN FARRELL
What are you doing here?

JAMES FRAIN
Just seeing how you’re doing, now that it’s been two months since the bloody shootout with the Mexicans.

COLIN FARRELL
Oh, this isn’t a flashback? I was confused, you know, since my moustache is gone.

JAMES FRAIN
I think that’s more to indicate that you’ve cleaned up your act in the intervening time. Good thing too, you were about to beat out your starring role in Miami Vice in the Unfortunate Facial Hair awards.

COLIN FARRELL
If going back to work as an enforcer for a career criminal counts as cleaning up my act, then yes, I did that.

JAMES FRAIN
Yeah, about that. These row houses are reserved for police officers only, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to kick you to the curb.

COLIN FARRELL
Sure, just throw that on the pile of pressing concerns, why don’t you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go muscle innocent families for rent money and maybe feel a little guilty about that.

INT. TRAINING GROUP

RACHEL MCADAMS is attending a MANDATORY TRAINING GROUP for SEXUAL HARASSERS, which is being MODERATED by CORY BLEVINS.

CORY BLEVINS
So when you tell a women she’s got “nice cans,” that’s actually sexual harassment. Who knew, right? Detective McAdams, how do you feel about being here?

RACHEL MCADAMS
I thought my permanent expression of disdain would have communicated the answer to that plenty, but I guess I can play around with it some. Uhmm, I’m here because I like big dicks. You know, getting plowed and having your lungs tickled at the same time, love that shit.

"The kind of dick that has elbows, know what I'm saying?"

“The kind of dick that has an elbow, know what I’m saying?”

CORY BLEVINS
(flustered as fuck)
Uhh, the idea of a training group for sexual harassers isn’t to train them how to be better at it. This is entirely the wrong kind of leading by example.

RACHEL MCADAMS
Whatever, fuck you. If this was an AA meeting, I’d be sitting here with a beer in hand.

INT. COURT OFFICE

TAYLOR KITSCH is being subjected to a HEARING regarding ASHLEY HINSHAW, that ACTRESS who claims he SOLICITED A BLOWJOB. ASHLEY is being represented by ATTORNEY MATT MCCOY.

MATT MCCOY
I have here definitive proof that the code for Pied Piper was not written on a Hooli computer, which means —
(beat, shuffles folders)
Oh sorry, wrong case! This is the one where I’m meant to smear Taylor Kitsch, right? Okay, here goes. Taylor has killed people in the past, which naturally speaks to his conduct regarding Ms. Hinshaw. Also, let’s be honest, he was in Battleship. Voilà, ironclad!

ASHLEY HINSHAW
I just want to put this horrible ordeal behind me and get on with my life.
(blinks away tear)
Wait, is this being taped? I’d love a copy for my audition reel, I totally nailed that heartfelt dramatic touch there!

TAYLOR KITSCH
She is fucking lying! Man, if ever there was a great time for me to come out of the closet, this would be it.

MATT MCCOY
Now that we’ve seen how our three true detectives are faring, let’s check in with Vince Vaughn! Surely, his is the most engaging storyline of the bunch!

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

VINCE VAUGHN is visiting the OFFICE of MAYOR RITCHIE COSTER, who is FAST ASLEEP ON THE JOB.

VINCE VAUGHN
Wake up, it’s time for some comic relief.

RITCHIE COSTER
Blugh! I was just having a power nap, if only because I’m drunk on power and also actually drunk. What brings you here? You look upset. More upset than usual, I mean.

VINCE VAUGHN
Well, let’s see. I’ve had to move into a smaller place because of my financial problems. Then I got threatened by a Mexican gangster in my club. And my railway deal was snaked out from under me after the city manager’s murder.

RITCHIE COSTER
Rather than address any of your worries, I’ll just add to them. My kickback just went up an extra five a month because you failed to tell me about the girls you’re running through the casino.

"Boychik."

“Boychik.”

VINCE VAUGHN
Fucking hell, how do you keep running away with every scene you’re in? You had one fucking line in the previous episode and it eclipsed that whole shootout.

RITCHIE COSTER
Now get out of here. Don’t forget to be all kinds of racist to my assistant on your way out.

VINCE VAUGHN
Gotcha covered.

INT. CASINO

VINCE returns to his CASINO and is met there by COLIN.

COLIN FARRELL
Vince, I need more money.

VINCE VAUGHN
Yeah, you and me both. What do you need it for?

COLIN FARRELL
My ex-wife has requested a paternity test when I explicitly threatened her not to, so I’m looking at a costly legal battle!

VINCE VAUGHN
Okay, here’s a job for you. I want you to tail Christopher James Baker, my assistant. He’s gotten a little too louche for my liking.

COLIN FARRELL
Louche?

VINCE VAUGHN
Yes, it was on my word-a-day calendar this morning.
(beat)
You know, this whole situation feels like blue balls. In my heart.

COLIN FARRELL
Blue balls in your — okay. The Dan Brown of poetry is hard at work here.

INT. TRAILER

TAYLOR is visiting his MOTHER, LOLITA DAVIDOVICH.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Mom, I’m getting married to Adria. She’s pregnant!

LOLITA DAVIDOVICH
I’m so happy for you! No wait, I mean the opposite of that! How far along is she? The implication here being that I want to see if an abortion is still in the cards.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Four months, so you are shit out of luck.

LOLITA DAVIDOVICH
Oh Taylor, don’t you realise that you can do anything you want, as long as it makes ME happy?

While LOLITA fixes herself another DRINK, TAYLOR goes to a CUPBOARD in the BACK and pulls out an EMPTY BACKPACK.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Lolita, where’s the money that I now realise I should’ve hidden somewhere else?

LOLITA DAVIDOVICH
What money? Oh, that 20,000 dollars you left here four years ago? Yeah, I spent it all on frivolous and inconsequential things. Thanks so much for thinking of me, honey!

TAYLOR KITSCH
You — you assumed I gave it to you without saying anything? That I’d just occasionally gaze at you from afar with a wistful smile on my face in the knowledge that I made you happy as an unspoken expression of my love for you? What mawkish bullshit! I bled for that money in Afghanistan!

TAYLOR slams his HAND against the WALL in FRUSTRATION, but because of that EMASCULATION THEME, it sounds more like a GENTLE TAP.

"Ow, I hurt my hand!"

“Ow, I hurt my hand!”

LOLITA DAVIDOVICH
Well sor-ree, but I thought I had earned a little restitution after you ruined my body by being born from it! And don’t think I don’t know what a sham of a marriage you’re going to have! Do you think it’s a coincidence you hid that money in a CLOSET?

TAYLOR KITSCH
AAAAH THE SYMBOLISM IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR!
(storms out)

INT. CLUB

VINCE talks to KELLY REILLY in the back of their CLUB.

VINCE VAUGHN
Hey, honey, I’m sorry I freaked out this morning. You weren’t wearing your usual eye shadow, so for a brief moment I thought I had woken up next to a strange woman!

KELLY REILLY
Vince, it turns out I’m not as supportive of the fact that you’re returning to your criminal ways as I thought I was, especially now that it interferes with our plans to have children.

VINCE VAUGHN
Ugh, are people really so invested in us that they’ll stomach another relationship talk?

KELLY REILLY
I know odds are you’ll start using words like “stymie” and “contingent” again, but I have to get this off my chest. I can’t have kids, Vince. Turns out your wet noodle wasn’t the problem.

VINCE VAUGHN
I KNEW IT! PHENOMENAL MOTILITY, BITCHES!
(beat)
Oh, uhmm, I mean, I’m glad you told me.

KELLY REILLY
I’m going home to watch some Netflix and chill. I think you should join me.

KELLY walks out. VINCE fixes himself a DRINK, but then remembers what “NETFLIX AND CHILL” MEANS and FOLLOWS AFTER HER.

INT. BAR

COLIN is meeting with RACHEL in that DEPRESSING BAR.

COLIN FARRELL
I usually meet Vince here so we can stare at each other and exchange grim pleasantries, so apologies if I lapse into that kind of behaviour.

RACHEL MCADAMS
I think the city manager’s case is bigger than those Mexicans. Turns out all the links to the larger conspiracy flow through me.

COLIN FARRELL
How do you figure?

RACHEL MCADAMS
First off, there’s the fact that the big players all met each other at my father’s commune. Then there’s that missing girl I was briefly saddled with in the first episode, and she apparently took some photos at a depraved escort party for powerful men. Last but not least, there’s my sister, who has gotten an invite to one such party through her webcam work.

COLIN FARRELL
Huh, aren’t you just the fulcrum of this investigation. I can contribute at least one link through me, though. I’ve been tailing Vince’s assistant and he’s been running girls, probably for those sex parties.

RACHEL MCADAMS
And now I’m stuck in the evidence locker, you’re a professional thug, and Taylor is, what, a fraud investigator? Like this very show itself, we’re stuck in a rut.
(lights up a cigarette)

COLIN FARRELL
Oh, I see you’ve ditched your e-cigarette?

RACHEL MCADAMS
Anything to keep you from mentioning “robot dicks” again.

TRUE DETECTIVE: Other Lives

“How would a regular cigarette fit into your robot dick metaphor? Wait, don’t answer that.”

EXT. WAREHOUSE

The next day, MICHAEL HYATT gathers COLIN, RACHEL and TAYLOR outside the WAREHOUSE where the SHOOTOUT STARTED.

MICHAEL HYATT
Guys, I’m bringing the band back together because you’re all stuck in a rut. I’m putting you all in an off-the-books detail that they can’t shut down this time. I think attorney general C.S. Lee is involved because he suddenly has a huge cash flow for his gubernatorial campaign. Hang on, I’m gonna say it! “This goes all the way to the top.”

COLIN FARRELL
Why should we help you? As we’ve seen, you’re into the same kind of power plays as the rest of them. You just want C.S. Lee’s job.

RACHEL MCADAMS
This is a chance for us to “get to the bottom of this.” Fuck, aren’t these conspiracy clichés great? Let’s “blow it wide open!”

TAYLOR KITSCH
Colin, please. I can’t do this fraud investigator shtick. I’ve got action hero written all over me!

MICHAEL HYATT
Guys, chill, I got this. Colin, if you do this, I can make sure you keep your son.

COLIN FARRELL
You said the magic words! Emotional blackmail!

When RACHEL and TAYLOR leave, COLIN approaches MICHAEL.

COLIN FARRELL
Say, you wanted to burn me to the ground not two episodes ago. What changed?

MICHAEL HYATT
I figured out that the rumour about you killing your wife’s rapist was bullshit, seeing as how they caught the guy a few weeks back.
(beat)
Colin? All the blood just drained from your face and there’s some very sinister music piping up. What’s going on?

COLIN FARRELL
Nothing! I’m, uhh, I’m quivering with excitement about, erm, “unravelling the conspiracy!” Yes!

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE

VINCE walks into the OFFICE of JON LINDSTROM, the PRESIDENT of the CATALYST DEVELOPMENT GROUP.

JON LINDSTROM
If I don’t epitomise the ideal of a corrupt corporate executive, I don’t know what does. Vince?

VINCE VAUGHN
I want back in on the railway deal. I didn’t help you pollute all those lands up north only to get muscled out at the end, you know!

JON LINDSTROM
Okay, let’s make a deal. You get me the city manager’s hard drive that was lifted from his sex bungalow and I’ll put you in for five parcels.

VINCE VAUGHN
You got yourself a deal, motherfucker.

Meanwhile, COLIN beats up RICK SPRINGFIELD for INFORMATION and also because he’s RICK SPRINGFIELD.

INT. VINCE VAUGHN’S LESS RITZY PLACE

VINCE is lying in BED with KELLY.

"Pookums, please stop looking for water stains on the ceiling."

“Pookums, please stop looking for water stains on the ceiling.”

KELLY REILLY
Hmm, look how nice we have it all of a sudden. All is right with the world again.

VINCE VAUGHN
Careful now, this isn’t tempting fate just yet, but you’re definitely on a second date with it.

Suddenly, there’s a KNOCK at the DOOR. VINCE goes to ANSWER IT and finds COLIN there.

VINCE VAUGHN
What’s up?

COLIN FARRELL
You and me, we need to have a talk.

VINCE VAUGHN
What about?

COLIN FARRELL
NEXT TIME ON TRUE DETECTIVE!

FADE OUT

TV Show: True Detective

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