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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
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the agony booth
The Cast of Characters:
William Shatner as Captain James T. KirkCaptain James T. Kirk (William Shatner). So badass, his idea of a vacation is to climb a sheer rock face with no safety equipment. Despite this, utterly fails to stop his beloved Enterprise from being taken over by a wide-eyed Vulcan mystic and the most motley band of pathetic defectives in Star Trek history.
Leonard Nimoy as Captain SpockCaptain Spock (Leonard Nimoy). Kirk’s BFF. Based on this movie alone, neither clever nor proactive, leading us to suspect that Kirk keeps him around mainly because he owns a pair of rocket boots. Has never heard of marshmallows. If goaded, may reluctantly sing campfire songs.
DeForest Kelley as Dr. Leonard McCoyDr. Leonard McCoy (DeForest Kelley). Kirk’s other best friend. Special skill: derisive muttering. Also possesses a secret recipe for baked beans. Truth in advertising disclaimer: Though billed as a doctor, performs no medical services whatsoever.
Laurence Luckinbill as SybokSybok (Laurence Luckinbill). The Vulcans’ answer to Dr. Phil. Takes over the Enterprise using the power of positive thinking. Obsessed with meeting God, presumably so he can book him for his talk show. Also, Spock’s brother [citation needed].

Star Trek V: Oh God Shatner’s Directing may be one of the most fan-bashed science fiction movies this side of the Star Wars prequels. Upon its release 20 years ago this month, Trek-lovers emerged reeling from the theaters in a depressed, confused, and conflicted state, unsure whether to give in to anger, nausea, or hilarious incredulity.

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Even Three Strikes Repeat Offender William Shatner, who won the directing gig as a perk during salary negations over his participation in the previous film, more or less admitted that the subsequent resurrection of the franchise after Star Trek V was nothing short of a miracle.

The fans’ love-hate relationship with the Shat is a complex and beautiful thing, but embedded deep inside it, like a festering cyst, is the grudge we bear against him for foisting upon us the strangely bastardized take on the Star Trek ethos known as The Final Frontier. That Captain Kirk himself was responsible for risking the relapse of Star Trek from serious sci-fi back into the joke it had been in the early ‘70s seemed like an especially galling form of betrayal.

The general loathing directed at this movie naturally begs the question: Is Star Trek V: The Final Frontier as truly god-awful as its reputation makes it out to be? In other words, does it deserve to be ruthlessly mocked in a lengthy, detailed recap?

Oh yeah. Hell yeah.

Want proof? Just for starters, here are just a few of the events that occur within this film:

  1. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy banter around a campfire, make jokes about bodily emissions, and sing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” for what seems like two or three hours.
  2. Every single member of the crew (except for the three leads) betrays their ship and captain and becomes completely devoted to the bad guy, all because he dispenses free psychotherapy. (Serving under Kirk must have left them all with some serious issues.)
  3. A triple-breasted cat-woman dances listlessly on a barroom table.
  4. Uhura performs the first and last ever senior citizen naked fan dance in science fiction history.
  5. Kirk, despite the presence of a dozen Space Marines, walks right into an obvious trap and is captured by idiots.
  6. Spock turns out to have a brother, unashamedly contradicting everything we know about the character, and retroactively reaming one of the best episodes of the original series.
  7. Uhura and Scotty paw each other’s faces like geriatric puppies.
  8. The audience witnesses special effects so subpar that they can be excused for thinking they accidentally walked into the theater showing Electra Woman and Dyna Girl: The Movie.
  9. Every character, with perhaps one exception, is shown to be constructed of purest cardboard, with no motivation other than just getting through the damn movie.
  10. And just when you think you might get out of the theater alive, there’s a painful reprise of the campfire scene, complete with another rendition of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”, this time played on a Vulcan lute.
Caption contributed by scootermark
”I’m telling you, Leonard’s kinda big. It... took some getting used to.”

Lots and lots of factors doomed this movie before it even started filming. First and foremost was Paramount’s desire to repeat the huge blockbuster success of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, still one of the franchise’s highest grossing films. And to the suits, that meant blatantly imitating the movie’s light comic tone.

Of course, what they failed to realize is that, despite a few forced gags, the humor in Star Trek IV was a natural outgrowth of Kirk and Crew being fish out of water in 20th Century America. On top of that, the comedic tone was a welcome change of pace from all the angst and destruction and death and resurrection of the previous two Star Trek films.

One of the immutable laws of drama is that you don’t make a story more exciting or suspenseful by lowering the stakes. (And not even the screenwriters of Star Trek: Insurrection could grasp that basic truth.) Despite Star Trek V’s supposedly weighty subject matter, half of the scenes are played for laughs. So at no point do we feel that anything important is at stake, or that anyone’s life is in danger, and by the end of the film, the audience has been lulled into a bored, apathetic coma.

And then there was the central concept of the film, which was cooked up in large part by the Shat himself. Shatner even admitted later that Trek creator Gene Roddenberry told him point blank not to do a movie about God. Roddenberry had tried in vain to write his own script about the crew of the Enterprise meeting “God”, which didn’t work and ultimately went nowhere.

But Shatner persisted with the idea of Kirk meeting God, which any sane individual can tell you is an idea far too complex and involved to be properly handled in a single film. Now mix this wrongheaded concept together with Paramount’s decree that the new film had to be light and jokey, and it’s clear this production was headed for disaster from day one.

But ultimately, what really doomed Star Trek V was how it betrayed its beloved, long-established characters by having them do and say things that are unbelievably stupid. Having the entire supporting cast blindly follow Sybok, the magical Vulcan soul-healing guru, solely because he makes them feel warm and fuzzy inside, is only the most obvious example—not to mention the most infuriating. I was frankly aghast at this development when I first saw the movie, and even now, when I watch Sulu and the others working for Sybok with beatific grins on their faces, it really makes me want to strangle small animals.

I mean, shouldn’t betraying Kirk make them feel bad about themselves? Just a little? And wouldn’t feeling bad about their actions, I dunno, counteract the effect of Dr. Sybok’s emotional handjob? That’s the kind of logic that worked in the original series, anyway.

Come to think of it, that’s exactly what happened in ”This Side of Paradise” (AKA The One with the Spores): Happy plant-infected Kirk feels really good about abandoning the Enterprise, but then he feels really bad about feeling good about it, and so manages to talk himself out of being infected. Problem solved! I hear Shatner cured his own baldness the same way.

Unfortunately, Star Trek V doesn’t follow the logic of “This Side of Paradise”. In fact, it most closely resembles ”The Way to Eden” (The One with the Space Hippies), maybe the least-loved episode of the original series. Consider the plot of “The Way to Eden”: a charismatic countercultural leader comes aboard the Enterprise, and wins the respect of the below-decks crew. Said leader hijacks the Enterprise and takes it to a promised paradise. En route, the crew wastes time with a sing-along. Finally, paradise turns out to be a big gyp.

Does any of this sound familiar? I’m sure it does. Why didn’t it sound familiar to Shatner?

There’s another aspect of Star Trek V that rankles me, and I didn’t really consciously realize it the first time I saw this movie. Star Trek as a franchise had, up to this point, been entirely devoted to an optimistic future of interplanetary peace, technological advancement, and human brotherhood. Star Trek V, on the other hand, is a deeply cynical movie.

It starts out by revealing that a planet set aside for the fostering of cooperation between three hostile races has become a cesspool of corruption, sex, poverty, and nonstop infomercials. The technology of the future, as shown in this movie, is unreliable junk. And for the big finish, the movie ends by exposing “God” as a hoax, making a mockery of the faith and hope that brought Sybok and his followers halfway across the galaxy in search of truth.

Chinatown had a sunnier take on the human condition than this movie.

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