It's the debut of a new show, Tom's Retrophilia, hosted by our own Thomas Stockel! You probably know Tom from the recaps he's written for the site, mostly of the animated Star Trek series. He makes the jump from written articles to his own video show with this impassioned defense of Star Trek: The Motion Picture!

I love the scene where McCoy tries to charter a flight to the planet. While the guy was always a funny character before, having Spock inhabiting his mind in a way makes him even better.

“That’s the main difference between Plummer’s villain and F. Murray Abraham in Insurrection. Both characters are essentially just self-centered assholes, but Plummer’s character has a little dignity, class, and style. It also helps that he doesn’t whine like a bitch when things don’t go his way.”

A transporter accident causes Kirk and Company to cross over into a parallel universe where Spock has a beard, and the crew of the Enterprise is evil and menacing. Meanwhile, a transporter accident in Mendo's house leaves Mendo reviewing this episode with an evil and menacing version of special guest star Sofie Liv. But surely, that's all just a coincidence.

“Right now, I feel like a character in an H.P. Lovecraft story, driven mad, just waiting for the mutant fish people to come for me.”

“I’m really annoyed at how this movie is making me question the competence of every single human being in the universe.”

"Who knew you only needed twelve buttons to control an entire person?"

A gang of ten year olds with a leader wearing a big flowered muummuu do not an intimidating nemesis make.

“Take it from a long time Dungeons & Dragons player: you never split up the party. Bad shit like this happens all the time.”

“I can’t help but wonder if this entire episode was inspired by someone messing up the coloration on some animation cells and someone else saying, ‘Hey, I got a great idea for an episode!’”

“Kirk uses a tricorder and determines the Orion has the pure, uncut strobolin. Part of me really wanted to see Kirk dip his fingertip into the box so he could taste it for purity.”

“Oh my God, Scotty misplaced the lower half of his body! Or, he has a tiny cloaking device in his pants.”

“Yes, I would say space vomit is an unorthodox design.”

“Kirk tells Scotty—who’s now on the bridge—that he did good work fixing the shields. Scotty explains he hasn’t finished fixing them, which makes me wonder why Scotty’s ass is not down in Engineering fixing the shields.”

Ryan recaps the animated Star Trek episode “The Lorelei Signal”, where the Enterprise responds to a sexy distress call, and Kirk and Spock and McCoy all lose their damn minds over a colony of blondes, who turn out to be lifeforce vampires! Uhura and Chapel are forced to take command and rescue the horny bastards, with the help of the Enterprise’s surprisingly hot womens’ security team. Watch the video below, and learn all about the hidden dangers of Jazzercise headbands and competitive giant ruby tossing!

"Just drink up, and it'll all make perfect sense."

"William Shatner, whether he's animated or not, never misses out on an opportunity to do a head roll. "

On the eve of the Star Trek franchise heading into darkness, Dr. O'Boogie looks back at the TNG cast's final outing Star Trek Nemesis, which somehow became the most reviled entry in the series despite there being a few other Star Trek movies that are at least as dumb. But it's a shameless ripoff of Wrath of Khan starring an up and coming British actor, and who would possibly want to see that?

“Picard and Riker are not convinced, an attitude they express in a refreshingly non-Trekkian manner by pulling their phasers and shooting Remmick in the face until his head explodes messily.”

Yes, there's a much-too-accurate porn parody of Star Trek: The Next Generation, where Riker bones Troi, Data bones Tasha Yar, Dr. Crusher does a special favor for Picard (played by Patrick Stewart's long-lost clone), and Dr. Winston O'Boogie is the only reviewer with enough useless knowledge of TNG to bring it to you!

“It was 1987, and the fourth episode of the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, when nobody knew what a Ferengi was or anything of their now-famous tendencies. So join me, won’t you, as we take a trip back to when an aura of mystery surrounded this new rival of the Federation, and see just how long it takes for their mystique to be utterly and forever left in ruins. ”

“But you can see why this incident would be so unmemorable to the captain. Nearly getting blasted to bits, abandoning ship, adrift in space for weeks, and ultimately immortalized in the textbooks for a feat of heroism would almost totally pass from anyone’s memory after nine years.”

“I don’t know how, but this film has actually managed to make me hate Tuesdays. And running gags. And Alan Ruck.”

"It just wouldn't be a TNG movie without a Data scene that made you wonder why the hell you ever got into Star Trek in the first place."

"He's not just outrageous, he's nutrageous!"

"The guys who wrote that Hallmark card called. They'd like their crappy poetry back now."

"Yep, a Star Trek episode is going for a lighthearted tone, which can only mean one thing: Deep hurting… deep hurting!"

"Let it be known that I will be casting the first stone. Directly at Worf's head."

"Some like it. Not."

"If you listen carefully, you'll hear the thud as this episode hits the canvas."

"Brannon Braga calls this one 'a royal, steaming stinker'. And when the guy who wrote the episode says that, it's pretty hard to disagree."

"It's pretty sad that the only real nod we've had to space travel thus far has been the use of navigational terms as an aid to sexual harassment."

"This episode will not be presented in real time. It'll only feel that way."