The Blockbuster Chick
Hosted by: Suzie McGinney
Deep in the heart of a quiet town in Scotland, the Blockbuster Chick dwells. Her purpose? To tackle the big name box office hits that should've never been green-lit in the first place—The movies that get a huge build-up, only to fall flat on opening weekend. Come watch as an adventurous Scottish lassie reviews them all (give or take a few)!
Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
The Bunny Perspective!
Hosted by: Phil Buni
Media reviews and analysis by a pot smoking, puppet bunny. Do you like weird-but-great underground films? Hate Glee, Gigli, and other Hollywood garbage? The Bunny Perspective offers a blend of humorously angry negative reviews, and honest praise of underground movies and TV. We talk about films, TV, anime, and animation. We are the Cult of the Bunny, and you too can be a Cultist. #CultoftheBunny
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Cheap-Arse Film Review
Hosted by: Liam Barrett
It's the Cheap-Arse Film Review, where a young(ish) man finds out if it's possible to live the life of a cinephile super-nerd on the strictest budget possible. Inspired by growing up in the wilds of Essex, England (that's only partially a joke, by the way) and the current harsh economic times, Liam only reviews DVD that can be purchased for £1.00p or less!
The Cinema Slob
Hosted by: Cinema Slob
The Cinema Slob is here to defend the movies that everyone else seems to hate, for some reason. His reviews of underappreciated and misunderstood classics of modern cinema will surely entertain and maybe even change a few minds.
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The DVD Shelf
Hosted by: David Rose
Life is short, so skip the bad movies and let your host David Rose reveal, review, and recommend the ones you should have on your own DVD shelf. The DVD Shelf is a film-lover's safe haven to bask in the warm glow of cult favorites, over-looked cinematic gems, rediscovered classics, and downright fun flicks on both DVD and Blu-ray.
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Solkir
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
Joshua the Anarchist
Hosted by: Joshua Bell
Charged with the crime of liking Batman & Robin, Joshua the Anarchist has been declared insane and committed to Arkham Asylum. Locked away in a padded cell, he'll endure movie after movie as doctors attempt to "treat" him. He may not have gone in a madman, but he soon will be.
Minority Report Reviews
Hosted by: Tom Marriott
Minority Report Reviews is where often slated or just plain forgotten films and TV shows come for an ego boost. Focusing primarily on unloved sequels, your host Tom Marriott takes questions from the general public to showcase the positives in these films. Love it or hate it, this is the show where you can have your say and see a guilty pleasure defended by the host with the most... strange tastes.
Movie Dorkness
Hosted by: Sofie Liv
It's the show formerly known as Red Suitcase Adventues! Join Sofie Liv, a nice Dane (who may not be as negative as everyone else!) as she dissects pop culture phenomena to explore both the good and bad in popular films.
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Mystery Madness
Hosted by: Full of Questions
Mysteries are awesome! And who's better suited to examine the wonderful, the terrible, and the adequate of the movie mystery genre than a teenager with nerdy glasses and substandard editing software? ...Many people, probably, but enjoy the show anyway!
The Oldschoo' Review
Hosted by: Johnny Oldschool
Johnny eats disgusting food, he reviews bad movies, and he's usually drunk. Bacon lovers everywhere agree that The Old Schoo' Review is the worst thing to happen to the internet since flash-based websites.
PGSM Summaries
Hosted by: Nycea
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short) is a hilarious live-action retelling of the Sailor Moon story. On this show, your host Nycea summarizes and riffs on this gloriously bad series—one episode at a time.
The Porn Critic
Hosted by: Porn Critic
Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?
Reel vs. Reel
Hosted by: Animated Heroine
Animation isn't just for kids; it's also for adults who never learned how to grow up. In Reel vs. Reel, the Animated Heroine looks at two similar animated films to see which one comes out on top and why. Her love for good animated films is only matched by her cynicism towards the bad ones.
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
the agony booth
Quest for Camelot (1998) Movie Recap Page 2 of 7
Posted by Rori Stevens Posted on: September 14, 2008
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


Back in the present, Kayley is greatly enjoying the story. Sir Lionel closes with the explanation of the markings on his shield—those three united circles, which relate to the vow he's taken as a knight to protect king and kingdom.

His fellow knights arrive, and together they ride on. Sir Lionel bids wife and daughter adieu; the gathering at Camelot is only for the knights. Kayley wants to go, but he promises that he'll take her there someday, when she's older. Of course. It's always "when you're older", isn't it?

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Cue opening credits, as the knights ride on towards Camelot. Another sign of pinched resources is here—most of the journey is conveyed via still background paintings, and only a few shots of the knights riding along. Here's a close-up of the sign in one painting (from later in the film, when it becomes important!).


If it's forbidden, why let people know how to get there?

With the end of the credits, the knights arrive at Camelot, and here comes the first song, "United We Stand". The song is a chivalry-themed, Celtic knockoff of "The Circle of Life" (The Lion King's famous opening number), and I had to turn on the subtitles because I could hardly hear the chorus of singers under the orchestra.

The knights get a warm welcome from the townsfolk—one stable boy is particularly awed—and they enter a castle, where Arthur and Merlin greet them. Arthur takes up the song's lyric, which exposits that the knights have gathered to arrange for proper division of the kingdom's lands amongst their people. Also, it's been ten years since he first pulled Excalibur from the stone.

As the knights proceed to the Round Table, one literally emerges from the shadows. This is Lord Ruber, and he's so clearly the odd one out—a brutish hulk amongst his clean-looking fellow knights—that I'm amazed he was even in the running to be a knight at all. I'm not one to the judge by appearances, mind you, but it's obvious this surly guy is bad news.

The song closes with a ceremony around the Round Table itself, as each knight lifts up his shield, reflecting the sunshine streaming in through the room's skylight (just like Tom Cruise and the gang in Legend). They sing about their aims of truth, honor, loyalty, being-an-all-round-nice-chap, and so forth.

The knights continue yelling out virtues ("Goodness!" "Trust!" etc.) as they seat themselves in a similarly organized manner. But the song is interrupted by Ruber, who slams his fist down on the table and shouts "Me!" This reveals Ruber is voiced by the now Three Strikes Repeat Offender Gary Oldman, who was also in Lost in Space and had a cameo in Godzilla. Wow, somebody's 1998 sure did suck!


One of these knights is not like the others...

Ruber wants to know the terms of the land division, and Arthur chides him for his selfishness. And this reveals that Arthur is being voiced by yet another Repeat Offender, Pierce Brosnan, former James Bond and star of Die Another Day. Arthur explains that the land will be divided according to the needs of the people.

"Then I need more than everyone," Ruber says, adding that he wouldn't have supported Arthur all this time if he had known he was "running a charity."

But it's pointed out that Arthur is the king and his word is law, so Ruber throws down the gauntlet and says he should be king. Of course, no one else likes that idea—Sir Lionel sums it up with "I will not serve a false king!"—so Ruber decides to use force to achieve this goal.

Jumping up on the table, mace in hand, Ruber begins attacking the other knights, and eventually sets his sights on Arthur. But Arthur has the upper hand. He reaches for a sheath on the back of his chair, and pulls out Excalibur. As it turns out, in this telling Excalibur is more than a mere sword: it glows brightly and discharges energy that knocks the villain back.

Ruber retreats, vowing that one day the sword will be his, "And all will be mine!" He closes the door behind him as he flees, and puts in place a wooden beam that blocks the knights from pursuing him. Yes, the door to this room, where the king and his men meet, locks on the outside. It's good to know Camelot is designed about as well as Degrassi Junior High.

The knights then realize that one of them suffered a fatal blow in the skirmish. And as the old saying goes, you get three guesses who, but you only need one.


"Um... it's my first day?"

With that, we go to the farm where Sir Lionel's family lives, which is now covered in snow. But it seemed to be spring or summer at the latest when they separated. How far away is Camelot from this farm? Later events will indicate that it's a three day trip, at most.

It's dusk, and Kayley is practicing her jousting with a helpless snowman as her opponent. She sees a group of knights riding up. In a mildly affecting moment, she runs up to the procession and is dismayed by her father's absence—then heartbroken to realize, as a cart with a shrouded body appears, that this is his funeral procession.

At a cliffside, Lionel is laid to rest in a stone tomb. It's marked with, yes, the three circles. Heck, there's even a Stonehenge-like set of pillars behind the tomb. Boy, people were able to build things a lot faster in the old days. (Insert your own joke about unions here.)

Arthur himself has come to eulogize the man who helped save Camelot. Exactly how? He tried to protect the king, but so did the others, and I don't see them getting special attention. In the end, Arthur saved himself with Excalibur.

Arthur gives a Stirring Speech about nobility and unity, which is undermined by the fantastically poor (and probably rotoscoped) animation here. He says that the doors of Camelot will always be open to Juliana as Lionel's widow. And more than anything else, poor King Arthur is this movie's Basil Exposition.


It's Burger King Arthur!

Kayley wanders off, staring into a puddle of melting snow, and so begins another song, "My Father's Wings".

She stares at her reflection. A tear falls from her eye, causing a ripple in the water. Several more ripples follow, and with each ripple, we move forward in time and Kayley gets older.

The resulting production number for the now-young adult Kayley—who looks pretty much like a tomboy version of Belle—has her dancing around the farm, and incorporating knight-practice into the chores. She sings about following in dear departed dad's footsteps, and hopefully finding adventure and honor.

This is known as an "I Want" song—a number that comes early in a musical, in which the hero(ine) expresses his/her hopes and dreams, so that we in the audience understand those dreams, and get more involved in his/her quest to achieve them.

The problem with this kind of song is that there are only so many ways a hero can express what he/she wants, especially if (as in this case) they're not terribly specific. Considering how many Disney musicals used "I Want" songs in the '90s alone, there isn't much new to bring to the table.

The visuals don't help, either: the whole on-the-farm setting might as well be the one from Beauty and the Beast. At one point, Kayley stands on a rock in the water as waves splash around her, and the camera does a full circular pan in a semi-steal from Little Mermaid. And at the end, she stands atop a cliff, gazing into the sky with Purpose, just like Pocahontas or Simba.


"Good morning, U.S.A! I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day!"

The sequence ends with a would-be comic bit involving a scrawny rooster, who took a lot of slapstick abuse during the song. He's trying to woo some hens, but the bossy mother hen puts him in his place. You'll see why I bothered mentioning this shortly. Oddly, the sequence ends with an abrupt fade-out, suggesting they ran out of footage.

Night falls on Camelot. A close-up on the Stone and its three still-shimmering circles adds weight to a clichéd speech Arthur is currently delivering at the Round Table. He talks about the success of Camelot, and how Excalibur has helped keep order. He also establishes that it's been ten years since Sir Lionel died, which would make Kayley 20.

The animators attempt a bit of razzle-dazzle here, by panning around the clearly computer-generated Round Table as he speaks. The problem is, the "camera" is at tabletop level, which is an odd angle, and the moment is of no importance anyway.

Arthur's speech is halted by a huge monster that crashes into the room through the skylight, and lands atop the table. This causes all the torches in the room to go out, casting a blue pall on the proceedings.

Yes, along with the door that locks on the outside, the all-important Room of the Round Table has a skylight, rather than a proper ceiling. Even with Excalibur, one wonders how a castle this ineptly designed kept away the bad guys for ten years.

One of the knights identifies the monster as a griffin, and it's rather imposing, especially with its glowing green eyes. It sizes the king up. Arthur slowly reaches behind his chair for his sword, but it's too late—the beast lunges for him. Arthur escapes death, but the griffin bites the back of the chair off, and captures Excalibur in the process. Though Arthur is wounded, he tells his men to focus on saving the sword, and to get Merlin's help.


Finally, something interesting, and they can't even light it properly.

The griffin crashes through a wall to escape, while an alert is sounded on horns. The men attempt to bring the griffin down with flaming arrows, but it doesn't work, and the griffin continues to fly off into the distance. As knights ride off in pursuit, Merlin emerges on a balcony and—rather than, say, casting a spell or something—calls out, "Silverwings, protect the sword!"

The soaring griffin approaches a huge forest. Suddenly, something knocks the sword from its claws. It turns out to be one of the aforementioned Silverwings, which is a falcon named for, well, its shiny wings. As Excalibur plummets, the Silverwing keeps the griffin from grabbing it again. The sword disappears beneath a thicket of thorny trees.


Boy, you ask these mythological creatures to do one simple thing...

The griffin dives down to capture the sword, only to find the thicket has its own defenses: Long, black, thorny hands emerge from the thicket and fight the griffin. Pamela Isley would be so proud.

Unable to retrieve the sword, the monster flies off. The Silverwing watches it go, then swoops down into the forest without incident. In a comparable Disney movie, this would be a mere buildup to a better scene, and I'm sure it was intended as such here, but as it so happens...

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