“Most of you have never heard of this show, and with good reason. They only made six episodes, of which only five ever aired, and despite the involvement of the legendary Sid and Marty Krofft, and the fact that it gave ensemble member Jim Varney his big break, there is not one human being in existence who puts this show on their résumé.”

“So join me once again as I devote more thought to this show than anyone in history.”

“Jeff compliments them on being so talented, which leads to, you guessed it, Mie sucking up and Kei being a bitch. Still, her English has improved tremendously since last week. She may actually know what she’s saying now. Jury’s still out on the other one, though.”

“This week’s guests are Florence Henderson, Lorne Greene, Boomer the Dog, another music video by Blondie, and Sid Caesar! Why yes, this was the episode where they just gave up. Why do you ask?”

“Honestly, I think Jeff Altman might have been the only person left who still thought this show was a good idea.”

“We’re lucky the show didn’t get a second season, or else we might have had to see Charlotte Rae pistol-whip an infant, or Red Skelton sodomize a leprechaun with a chainsaw.”

“You may or may not be aware of this, but I’ve talked a lot of shit about Pink Lady ...and Jeff. So much so, that one of the writers felt the need to set the record straight. So I now get the chance to pick the mind of someone who was a writer for Laugh-In, directed a movie starring a current U.S. Senator, wrote alongside Sid Caesar, and won an Emmy for writing jokes on Hollywood Squares.”