Anyway, it's finally time for the moment you've all been dreading! That's right, it's the Hot Tub Scene! We see Strip wandering through Trish's house in his Speedos. He pointlessly picks up a framed picture and then we cut to an indoor hot tub and Eeeegahhh!! AHHH! We get a brief glimpse of Lily Tomlin's bare ass [!!!] as she climbs into the hot tub. This is definitely not a selling point for anyone. The worst part about this is that I actually had to go back and do the frame by frame thing on this. Seriously, you almost have to. It's like when you pass by an ugly, gruesome car accident, and you just have to look, even though you know you shouldn't, and you know it's gonna scar you mentally, but you just have to look anyway.

Strip wanders in and stares at her in the hot tub. He then goes and stands right above her and, true to his name, he strips off his Speedos right there in front of her [!]. (Of course, this is carefully shot not to reveal anything.)

Accordingly, we see Trish get a lusty look on her face and once again cry out, "Oh, Strip!" She actually extends her hands and eagerly beckons for him to get into the hot tub. Now, I know I've laid the Mom jokes on pretty thick in this review, but I gotta say, if you can watch this moment and not yell out, "Come to Momma!" then you don't have a pulse.

Strip steps into the tub and there's more yecky kissing. He smiles and says there's something he really wants to tell her. Before he can say it, however, Trish gets a brilliant flash which prompts her to yell out, "Let's smoke some pot!" [??] Strip is livid, because, all of a sudden, he doesn't want her to do drugs [?]. I guess he means, other than the illegal sleeping pills he gives her. He tells her, "That scene is nowhere! I don't want you doing that. Not even Sominex!" Why would anyone need Sominex when they have this movie?

She gets an ecstatic grin because he's acting all concerned about her, and she promises not to do drugs. He gives her a long, long look while holding her face. She asks what's wrong, and oh no... here it comes. Brace yourselves, folks. He says, "I love you. I just thought you should know." Wow, who thought someone would say that in a movie like this? In response, Trish only smiles and gnaws on her bottom lip. Strip asks, "Do you love me?" and she remains silent. He cries out, "I know you do!" And we know it, too, don't we? Come on, Trish, say it! Let him melt your cold, cold heart!

Well, Trish just can't bring herself to say she loves Strip. Oh, Trish, why can't you admit it? You know he's perfect for you! Strip acts all wounded. "Am I not good enough for ya? Is that it?" She tries to assure him otherwise, but he snaps at her. "I was good enough for you this morning, wasn't I? You loved me this morning, didn't you?"

"Yes," Trish says breathlessly. "I love you, in bed!" Hey, it's just like that old fortune cookie gag! And wow, Trish really knows the right thing to say to soothe a guy's battered ego, doesn't she? Strip pouts and, hilariously, the bubbles in the hot tub are now nearly engulfing the two of them.

He yells, "You just don't love me out of bed!" She begs him not to make a big deal out of all this "love" stuff, but Strip says, "You're foolin' around with somethin' I feel here! Look, when you're ready to admit that you love me, you can have me! But not until!" Mark your calendars, because this is the first and only time you will ever hear a man in this universe say anything like this. He climbs out of the hot tub and she just looks at him, seemingly as bewildered as all of us in the audience. But let's face it: We've arrived in the land of Toxic Chick Flick Dialogue. He puts on a towel and struts out, and Trish just blankly stares at the bubbles.

Out in the hall, Strip puts his Speedos back on and stares out the glass door. Trish eventually comes out in her robe, and a teary-eyed Strip whirls around to angrily deliver the Speech to End All Absurd Speeches:

For the record, I'd like to now put my brain in that wine bottle and throw it out to sea. Trish sighs and tells him she's "never had cheap sex before. I was sort of looking forward to it." [!!] Hey, feel better now, Strip?

Strip asks if cheap sex is all she wanted from him, but she again reassures him. She holds him from behind and plants kisses on his neck, telling him that "I don't even know what the word 'love' means anymore!" And I don't even know what the words "good movie" mean anymore. She says she doesn't know what cheap sex is, either. Eventually, he turns around and holds her, and there's more awkward kissing. Then, they have a tender hug that just goes on and on and on.

She whispers, "Oh... I do love you!" Oh, thank God! She finally admitted it! Strip, you did it! You melted her cold, cold heart! At this, Strip puts on his Big Doofus Grin.

We abruptly cut to them having lunch at a restaurant overlooking the ocean. Leading me to wonder, did she make him order off the kid's menu? Strip thanks her for the shirt he's now wearing and Trish says she loves him in it. Hey, as long as I don't have to see Travolta's nipples anymore, I love him in it, too.

Strip asks her what she's thinking. I actually did hear a guy say this to a girl once. And then I woke up. Trish says, "I'm thinking... I wish we were home together in bed!" [!] and he says he was thinking the very same thing. The two of them then breathlessly coo to each other in the restaurant, ruining everybody's meals.

She says, "I'm also thinking how special you are!" And what's more, he doesn't even know how special he is. He asks, "What else?" And then they laugh. She wonders what he's going to do with his life, but he doesn't know. "Oh, Strip!" she says yet again.

He asks her about the opening scene when he ran into her on Rodeo Drive. He wants to know if she really didn't remember him, and Trish gives him a deer in the headlights look. Eventually, she comes clean, saying that she did recognize him. Strip looks smug and says she probably just didn't want to admit it. After this movie, I'm surprised anyone will want to admit they remember him.

Then we get a shot of to the two of them walking arm in arm down the pier. He asks what her "old man" does, and wonders if he "discovered the formula for frozen yogurt or somethin'" [?]. Yeah, making yogurt cold, that's a secret worth millions. No, as it turns out, her father was in real estate.

Anyway, tender moment, tender moment, blah blah blah. Strip then babbles that he has "abilities", and "if I just put my mind to something, I could do anything!" Then he asks her for ideas, but she says he doesn't need her, because he can do anything. Then there's another mantra-like chant of "I love you..." from Strip.

Back at Trish's house, the two of them are unfortunately in a dark room making out in bed. Strip then asks, "Are you getting tired of me saying I love you?" YES! YES! He says he doesn't have to say it so much, but she tells him he can say it as much as he wants. Then they go back to making out. They start really getting into it, and thankfully, it's way too dark to see anything.

This continues for an eternity until she accidentally hits him in the eye with her bauble-filled bracelet. We then waste some time watching Strip help her take it off, and he comments that since it was so expensive, they could have made it easier to take off. Maybe it's just me, but I can't muster up the energy for even a sarcastic laugh anymore.

He asks if all the "trinkets" on the bracelet have a meaning, and she says, "They did, at one time." This causes Strip to dolefully toss the bracelet aside and say he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Aww, but that was so fascinating!

The two lay side by side and stare at the ceiling. Finally, Strip says, "You got so many nice things, y' know?" She asks if he's jealous of all her nice things, but he gives her a Meaningful Look and says, "No! I'm jealous that I can't give 'em to you!" Then he adds, "Or maybe I'm jealous the other way, too." Well, that sure clears everything up.

She tells him not to be jealous, and then they go back to their yecky kissing and rolling around in the bed. Then they take turns asking, "You know how happy you make me?" long past the point of making everyone nauseous. They start really getting into it, and Strip moves down... oh no... kissing her stomach. Don't go there. Please, no! He moves down... and Trish smiles and... there must be a God, because we cut away.