Razzie Predictions 2007 (Take 1)

Razzie Predictions 2007

A lot of movie websites try to predict the Academy Award nominations every year. Plenty of journalists and bloggers start posting Oscar predictions before the current year’s telecast even ends. This being a website devoted to bad movies, I figured it’d be funny to do the Bad Movie equivalent: That is to say, it’s high time somebody starting laying bets on which films are sure to be nominated for the Razzie Awards come early next year, and represent the worst that the cinema had to offer in 2007. Which is why I’ve taken this first stab at putting together my own list of Razzie Predictions for 2007.

(I’m also kind of doing this so that I don’t lag behind again, and end up doing another Razzies article two months after the damn awards ceremony.)

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I have a love-hate relationship with the Razzies. Sometimes they get it completely wrong, and sometimes they get it so, so very right (I can think of no other film that deserved to sweep the major categories more than Gigli), but when all is said and done, what matters is they’re the most visible face of the Bad Movie subculture. Whether or not you agree with their choices, the Razzies get the most press, the most attention, and ultimately influence what bad movie aficionados will be talking about for years to come.

In that respect, the Razzies are a lot like the Oscars, actually. Fans of great films complain incessantly about who has and hasn’t won Oscars over the years. They continually accuse the Academy of being out of step and out of touch with the times. And yet, a billion people still watch the ceremony ever year. So I guess the Razzies have finally become the Bizarro Oscars, in some strange way.

Before getting into the actual predictions, I’d like to make it clear that I haven’t seen the majority of these movies. (Hey, I do like to spend my time watching good movies every now and then, you know.) I picked these nominees based almost entirely on rumor and third-hand hearsay. Some of my predictions are based solely on the famous names involved with the movie (both on and off-camera). And I’ll even admit a few of my predictions are completely baseless, especially in regards to films that haven’t come out yet. But hey, isn’t that’s how most Razzie voters pick their nominees, anyway? (And there’s yet another way the Razzies are a lot like the Oscars.)

However, if you think I got something wrong, feel free to click the “Discuss this article” link at the end and let me know what your predictions are. I plan to post a few prediction lists before the actual nominees are announced, so this is definitely a work in progress.

Please note that I’m only dealing with the categories that are certain to be included this year. Because the Razzies are a lighthearted, informal affair, they tend to add new, ad-hoc, jokey categories every year (e.g., “Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets”). To spare myself a lot of headaches, I won’t even attempt to predict any of the ad-hoc categories.

With all that in mind, here are my predictions as to which films and filmmakers are most likely to take home a Golden Raspberry next year. All nominees are listed in order of how certain I am that they’ll be nominated. (And yes, I do realize that there can only be five nominees in each category, but since this is just my first try, I’m including as many potential nominees as I can think of.)

WORST PICTURE

Comments: I’m confident that Epic Movie has the lock on getting nominated, seeing as how a lot of people saw it, knowing full well that it would suck. Norbit has a lock on a nom because Eddie Murphy makes a perfect target—not to mention a lot of people feel this is the movie that killed his chances at an Oscar for Dreamgirls. Georgia Rule not only got horrible reviews, but it’s the movie that got Lindsay Lohan publicly spanked by the president of Morgan Creek Studios, so it’s a done deal in terms of a nom. The rest of the films made this list because of uniformly horrible reviews, with the exception of Alvin and the Chimpunks, which is on the list solely based on the trailers.

Caption contributed by Albert

Never in the history of motion pictures has there been a more appropriate poster tagline.

WORST ACTOR

  • Eddie Murphy, Norbit
  • Cuba Gooding, Jr., Daddy Day Camp and What Love Is
  • Nicolas Cage, Ghost Rider, Next and National Treasure: Book of Secrets
  • Dane Cook, Good Luck Chuck
  • Dustin Hoffman, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
  • Robin Williams, License to Wed
  • Jamie Kennedy, Kickin’ It Old Skool
  • Jim Carrey, The Number 23
  • Jason Lee, Alvin and the Chipmunks

Comments: Eddie Murphy is a lock to score a nom. Norbit was an unbelievable ego trip of amazing proportions, and I don’t just mean the fat suit. Cuba Gooding has it coming for starring in two of the worst-reviewed films of the year; plus, people are still smarting from his 2002 career suicide that was the one-two punch of Snow Dogs and Boat Trip. Not to mention all those homoerotic underwear commercials with Michael Jordan. Nicolas Cage’s nomination depends a lot on the unseen sequel to National Treasure, but vivid memories of his horrible Wicker Man performance might be enough to carry him. And 2007 might go down as the year when people realized Dane Cook just isn’t funny. The rest of the nominations are just me spitballing, frankly.

Caption contributed by Albert

Cuba Gooding desperately tries to claw his way out of his career rut.

WORST ACTRESS

Comments: Lindsay Lohan’s got the nomination and the win locked up this year, thanks to all of her tabloid exploits, and her inability to stay sober longer than one week. I haven’t seen any of Jessica Alba’s films this year, but I’m assuming she sucked in all of them. Elisha Cuthbert was horrible on 24, and I seriously doubt she’s improved, especially in a film with universally negative reviews. And even Kirsten Dunst admitted she sucked in Spider-Man 3. I almost put down Halle Berry for Perfect Stranger, but after she actually showed up in person to claim her Razzie for Catwoman, I think she deserves a break. Sadly, I fear Sandra Bullock will get nominated for Premonition, which will conclusively prove Razzie voters don’t watch these movies, because she was the only good thing about it.

Caption contributed by Albert

“Not another cougar! NOOOOOOOO!

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Comments: The supporting categories are tough to predict. If someone doesn’t have enough screen time to be considered a lead, it’s kind of hard to call it an exceptionally bad performance. I freely admit I’m putting out a lot of BS in this category. Mainly, I feel that movies like Wild Hogs, Premonition, and Delta Farce deserve something, and this category is as good as any other for me to mention them. And the Andy Milonakis thing is just my own personal bias showing; I didn’t hear much about Who’s Your Caddy? or his performance, but if there’s a god, Andy Milonakis will get a Razzie.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Comments: No ideas on this one, which is why I only listed two nominees. Mandy Moore got called out as being exceptionally horrible in some of the reviews for Because I Said So, so I stuck her in. Jessica Biel is a shot in the dark. I honestly don’t think she was required to do anything in Chuck and Larry except show off her tits and ass, and I’m sure she pulled off both tasks admirably. So if anyone has any ideas of who should be in this category, let me know.

WORST DIRECTOR

  • Joel Schumacher, The Number 23
  • Mennan Yapo, Premonition
  • Roland Joffé, Captivity
  • Fred Savage, Daddy Day Camp
  • Michael Lehmann, Because I Said So
  • Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Epic Movie

Comments: Joel Schumacher has never won a Razzie. That’s right: The director of Batman & Robin, Bad Company, D.C. Cab, and The Incredible Shrinking Woman has never had this honor bestowed upon him. I think it’s high time that all changed. This is Schumacher’s year; I can feel it. Mennan Yapo is probably the main reason Premonition sucked. And what the hell happened to Roland Joffé? After making acclaimed films like The Killing Fields and The Mission, he ended up directing an episode of MTV’s Undressed. Also, the whole “torture porn” genre is falling out of fashion, and I suspect Captivity will bear the brunt of that. But what I really want to know is, why in the world is Fred Savage, a former child star himself, completely unable to wring decent performances out of kids? And then there’s poor Michael Lehmann. Thanks to Hudson Hawk, he’ll be directing crap like Because I Said So for the rest of his career.

Caption contributed by Albert

“Listen to me, Cuba, if anyone knows how to disappear from the face of the earth for 20 years, it’s me!”

WORST SCREENPLAY

  • Fernley Phillips, The Number 23
  • Bill Kelly, Premonition
  • Jeff Hammond, I Know Who Killed Me
  • Todd Komarnicki & Jon Bokenkamp, Perfect Stranger
  • Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Epic Movie

Comments: In this category, I specifically tried to come up with films that were done in by lousy scripts. These are films that had so-so to decent acting, direction, cinematography, etc., but just got hosed by high-concept plots that made absolutely no sense (or in the case of Epic Movie, didn’t even come close to being funny.) Unfortunately, I don’t think Razzie voters will put that much thought into it. It’ll probably come down to “which movie sucked the most?”, so expect to see Chuck and Larry in this category instead.

Caption contributed by Albert

But the best part of The Number 23 was the twist ending where Michael Jordan was behind the whole thing. Or maybe he wasn’t even in the movie. I wasn’t really paying attention.

WORST SCREEN COUPLE

  • Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, Norbit
  • Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan, I Know Who Killed Me
  • Adam Sandler and Kevin James, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
  • Jessica Alba and Dane Cook, Good Luck Chuck
  • Jim Carrey and the number 23, The Number 23
  • Jason Lee and any of the chipmunks, Alvin and the Chipmunks

Comments: This has always been a wildcard category, usually made up of joke nominations (e.g., “Sharon Stone’s lopsided breasts”) so it’s pretty hard to predict. But it seems any actor giving a horrible performance while acting against himself or herself is a given. So Murphy’s multiple roles probably make him a lock. I haven’t seen I Know Who Killed Me, and I really don’t know if Lohan plays any scenes against herself, but she’s probably a lock anyway. Sandler and James actually playing a couple probably seals the deal for them, too. The rest of these nominations are me just throwing stuff out to see what sticks.

Caption contributed by Albert

And yet, Lindsay is still the most strung-out girl in the room.

WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF

Comments: This is also something of a wildcard category, because it’s pretty hard to predict what the Razzie voters will consider a “rip-off”. I put in all the truly bad remakes I could come up with, and threw in The Invisible, the most obvious rip-off I could think of. I put in Across the Universe as a lark—the Razzies don’t tend to pay attention to artsy films, but hey, you never know.

WORST PREQUEL OR SEQUEL

Comments: I honestly didn’t put a whole lot of thought into these. I just listed every “bad” sequel that came out in 2007, and man, there were a lot. I may have missed a few, actually. The jury is still out on National Treasure: Book of Secrets and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, but I threw them in, just in case. Hey, you’re not going to convince me either one of them are going to be any good.

 

Looking back over this list, I think my picks are far too measured and reasonable, even when I deliberately tried to focus on the high-profile, big budget movies that usually get nominated for Razzies. I probably put too much thought into these, especially considering past noms. I mean, this is the same organization that gave George Bush the Worst Actor award for Fahrenheit 9/11, which makes no sense whatsoever. (Does it even need to be pointed out that Bush didn’t voluntarily appear in that movie?)

Regardless, this is only the first time I’ll be posting my 2007 Razzie predictions. If you think I got something wrong, or if you feel there’s a movie or a performance I left out, please click on the “Discuss this article” link below and share your own picks to take home the Razzie gold!

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