• Agonizer / Text / All We Want For Christmas - And Thanksgivukkah - Is Everything

We Need This Action-Packed Rabbi Video Game So That We Can Ignore Our Families Tomorrow

Tomorrow, after we’ve stuffed ourselves silly with turkey, or brisket, or tofu, or whatever the hell we feel like feeding our faceholes, we’re going to want to kick back and relax. Maybe play a video game or two. We were planning on something like Gears of Bioshock Call of War Duty, but then we realized that we didn’t know what any of those things actually were or how to play them. Plus, SO not family friendly, we think? Maybe? Also, too, we do not own any fancy PlayStation or XBox or anything like that, because blogger salary.

You probably won’t buy us a PlayStation on account of how you are ingrates who never buy us anything nice, but why not throw a few dollars down to get us a proper Hanukkah/Thanksgivukkah/Thanksgiving/Whatever video game that we can play on our aging PC: Shivah.

Russell Stone is a Jewish Rabbi at a poor synagogue in New York City. He is a devout man with a problem. Membership is way down and he lacks the funds to keep his synagogue open. Things are looking very bleak, and he has grown progressively more cynical and bitter with the passage of time.

Just as he is on the verge of packing it all in, he receives some interesting news. A former member of his congregation has died and left the Rabbi a significant amount of money. A blessing? Or the start of something far more sinister? Can Rabbi Stone just accept the money and move on? His conscience says no. Step into his shoes as he travels all over Manhattan in his attempt to uncover the truth.

Ooh! Sinister! Yet Godly! There’s Talmudic combat, whatever that is. What the hell do we know? This particular blogger was raised Catholic and lapsed as soon as possible, so someone will have to explain Talmudic combat please thanks.

Best of all, this thing has three different endings so that we will have literally endless minutes of enjoyment playing it until we pass out on the couch from too much bourbon. You owe us this much.

[Aren’t you glad you have a choice of holidays for which to buy us gifts? We aim to please.]

[h/t Heeb Magazine]

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  • Farb

    Talmudic combat involves waving around copies of the Talmud and telling people to shut up, they don’t know what they’re talking about, in a Brooklyn accent.

  • Virtual Cruiser

    I saw this, and thought, ‘Oh, wow! That’s awesome!’So I showed my sister, who said ‘Oh, hey! That’s hysterical!’So she bought it, and is really enjoying it. I get to play this hot number myself this weekend!I’m not even jewish! It’s great!