Living Nightmare Nancy Grace Will Sell You Handcuff Bracelets For Abused Children

Living Nightmare Nancy Grace Will Sell You Handcuff Bracelets For Abused Children

Did you know that shrieking harpy-at-law Nancy Grace has a store where she sells Nancy Grace-related things? Do those things match up with Grace’s hellscape dystopia view of the world? Of course! Take, for instance, this lovely handcuff necklace and bracelet combo, the proceeds of which “benefit” child abuse victims. Also, just in time for Mother’s Day!

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Nothing says “I love and cherish you, Mom or Mom-Like-Figure” like a wee pair of handcuffs that make you think of child abuse.

Grace has been flogging her signature handcuff necklace for quite some time, letting it nestle gently into her collarbone while she turns into an incandescent ball of incoherent rage each night.

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The bracelet, however, appears to be a new addition to the webstore, which depressingly means that enough people were buying the handcuff necklace to make the cretinous yet terrified minions that run Nancy Grace’s web enterprises think that another form of handcuff jewelry was warranted.

Listen people. We are totally fine with handcuff necklaces OR bracelets. Hell, if you took away either of those options, a HUGE chunk of Etsy would disappear. We are even perfectly fond of wearing actual handcuffs as a lifestyle accessory or signifier of your willingness to be the handcuffee or the handcuffer. What we are not fine with is selling handcuff jewelry to moms as a way to benefit/honor/evoke/have anything whatsoever to do with victims of child abuse. Yes, yes, we get that Nancy wants to lock up all evildoers and this symbolizes her putting the bad people in jail but it does not matter because you cannot get around the part where you are selling handcuff jewelry and trying, in some fashion, to make this look like a net plus for victims of child abuse. We do not think many victims of terrible childhood violence want to rock the handcuff bracelets as a remembrance but maybe that is just us.

While you’re poking around Ye Olde Nancy Grace Webstore Empire, do not miss the wide variety of Nancy Grace catchphrase t-shirts you can buy. Consider sporting the “cut his mic” t-shirt to signify your utter and complete refusal to listen to anyone whose opinion differs from your own.

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Would you like to hear Nancy explain how much she loves to cut his mic? You sure would.

How about “The Devil is Dancing Tonight,” which is also a thing Nancy Grace says maybe?

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This one is about Satan, per Nancy, we think. Maybe. We couldn’t stop staring at her over-mascara’d eyelashes long enough to focus on the words.

While you may be tempted to buy us Nancy Grace things and send them to us, do not do so. It will only encourage her to create a full line of handcuff-themed jewelry, and we do not want to see Nancy Grace rocking the handcuff belly ring.

[Nancy Grace Store/Uproxx]

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  • Annie Towne

    Kill me now.

    • fredoandme

      no. that’s what she wants. she ain’t gettin’ it.

  • le_renard_de_velours

    I just did a little puke in my mouth.

  • Jaime Oria

    “The devil is dancing tonight!” shall now enter my rotation of words to cry out at the moment of, um…completion.

  • Boscoe

    I think child abuse victims would benefit more from not having Nancy ghoulishly fetishizing the details of their suffering on national television five nights a week.

  • Force Crater

    I love it when Nancy says, “That why I’m here!” As if the alternative was not a white jacket with the arms tied at the back.

  • DeSwiss

    For the finest in BDSM paraphernalia for little people, always ask for Grace’s Braces.