Hero MPAA Saves Us From Shia LaBeouf Doing Mouth Sex On Evan Rachel Wood

Hero MPAA Saves Us From Shia LaBeouf Doing Mouth Sex On Evan Rachel WoodActress Evan Rachel Wood makes a pretty good case against the MPAA and its insistence on saving us all from witnessing female oral pleasure, but she leaves out one important counterpoint: that female oral pleasure is delivered by Shia LaBeouf.

After seeing the new cut of Charlie Countryman, I would like to share my disappointment with the MPAA, who thought it was necessary to censor a woman’s sexuality once again. The scene where the two main characters make “love” was altered because someone felt that seeing a man give a woman oral sex made people “uncomfortable,” but the scenes in which people are murdered by having their heads blown off remained intact and unaltered.

This is a symptom of a society that wants to shame women and put them down for enjoying sex, especially when (gasp) the man isn’t getting off as well! It’s hard for me to believe that had the roles been reversed it still would have been cut or had the female character been raped it would have been cut. It’s time for people to grow up. Accept that women are sexual beings. Accept that some men like pleasuring women. Accept that women don’t have to just be fucked and say thank you. We are allowed and entitled to enjoy ourselves. It’s time we put our foot down. Thanks for listening.

Good LORD woman, are you still talking? Listen, why not worry your pretty little head about something that matters, like shoes? Leave the rage against the patriarchy to the experts, like Twitter feminists.

Anyway, any MPAA that saves us from watching Shia LaBeouf giving lady-head is an MPAA that’s okay in our book.

69th Annual Venice Film Festival - "The Company You Keep" Premiere - Arrivals

Look at this creeper! He is like a fetus, but one that is a creeper! Also, he has weird sexy fantasies about marrying his mom because she is a naked person and he has seen her have sex and thinks she is sexy. If you watched him giving Wood head, you would be thinking about Shia LaBeouf’s mom!

Also, we love seeing people get their heads blown off, Wood, like in Oldboy — SPOILER ALERT for ALL THE SPOILERS– so maybe go shove your waaaaah violence ABOUT A MOVIE YOU ARE IN down somebody else’s throat. Or maybe not so much “down their throats” as smushed all over their mouthholes, as the case may be.
[LAT, via MotherJones]

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  • Farb

    If I wanted porn, I’d download porn. Yeah, so head. It is given and it is received. What’s the drama? Is it really necessary to advance the plot?

    • Haribo Lector

      That depends on the plot. If it were an underdog story of a man trying to win the oral sex record then I’d say it’s fine – so long as there’s a training montage in the middle and a scene where he loses faith and has to be receive the sage counsel of a wise old black man.

  • Evan Rachel Wood gets oral sexytimes in a movie called Pretty Persuasion. I think the MPAA just saved her from getting typecast as The Girl Who Gets Head.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      quickly scans netflix…

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    “…a man give a woman oral sex made people “uncomfortable,” yer doing it wrong

  • Haribo Lector

    “When his late mother appears in a vision and tells him to go to Bucharest, Charlie immediately boards a plane across the Atlantic. But when he meets a fellow passenger, Charlie finds himself with another promise to fulfill. Charlie does so – and falls head over heels in love with Gabi, a beautiful musician. However, a vicious gangster has already laid claim to Gabi, and has no intention of letting her go. Determined to protect her, Charlie enters into the hallucinatory, Romanian underworld filled with violence and, strangely enough, love.”This film sounds awful. No amount of oral sex could make it bearable.

  • $73376667

    Isn’t it kind of early for her to be shilling for the “uncensored director’s cut” already?

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  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’m just glad that Sydney Leather’s butt is no longer the top story of the side boob section