Jill Duggar heroically saved from slut germs of unmarried pregnant relative

19 kids keller sisters

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things is a whore.

Did you know sluttery is contagious?

Apparently there was no cootie shot strong enough for Jill Duggar of 19 Kids fame, who wanted to use her midwifery skills to help big brother Josh’s wife Anna’s younger sister bring a little baby into the world, but Ma and Pa Duggar said no.

Why? Because the little hussy is unmarried.

A “source” tells Radar Online, “Jill was very excited to assist Susanna through the birth. Michelle and Jim Bob, however, wouldn’t let her participate. They thought Jill shouldn’t be exposed to an unmarried mother in that condition.”

Susanna is pictured above on the left, her two fingers spread as if they were her legs and holding rolls that look suspiciously like exposed bottoms.

Can you imagine our sweet little Jill exposed to a festering va-jay-jay of sin? She might catch the cocklust! Or AIDS! Or worst of all, see that unmarried sex can still lead to a loving mother and healthy child!

Jill Duggar heroically saved from slut germs of unmarried pregnant relative

Jill, unexposed.

Thank goodness Susanna was able to find some less godly birth attendants because if the whole world were as righteous as the Duggars, that little baby would have to be born in a field somewhere. In the rain, no doubt. Surrounded by dingoes. As it should be.

(That’s Matthew 6:5-6, I believe.)

Although this story is just coming out now, the baby was born in January 2013 (hence why it was up to Jill’s parents to prevent her from practicing her chosen profession, rather than her now-husband). More recently, according to Radar, Ma and Pa Duggar were horrified to see Anna’s near two-year-old girl dancing at a family gathering, like some kind of harlot. Hopefully it didn’t enflame too much lust in Jim Bob and his boys.

UPDATE: The new season of 19 Kids & Counting has arrived! Recaps here!

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  • Parakeetist

    Yipes. Too bad I missed that.

  • sewaneepat

    I’m glad you cited Matthew 6:5-6 because those are the two verses of the Bible that most evangelical Christians obviously have never read.