Apr 16, 2017
Jane the Virgin RECAP: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Telenovela (S1:E13)
Previously on Jane the Virgin:
- #TeamJaFael is going strong!
- Petra’s Crazy Czech Boyfriend came back, but it turns out he wanted to show her that the real crazy is her mother
- Petra found out that her mother has been lying to her and kicked her out
- Now all Petra has to do is realize Lachlan is crazy too…
- Rogelio got fired from his telenovela. So does that mean Jane can still intern there or is that too awkward?
- Michael got one step closer to proving that Emilio is Sin Rostro
- Except Rose is actually Sin Rostro, and she just killed Emilio!
Get it? Got it? No? Yeah, that Rose being Sin Rostro thing was out of the left field for me too. Well, too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.
The Narrator explains that when Jane was a little girl, she hated getting shots. The problem was that she could never give up control of a situation and just let go. Gee, wonder what the theme of this episode is going to be?
At Casa Villanueva, the Villanueva women are excited for Jane’s graduation from college and the latest doctor’s appointment, in which they’ll find out the sex of the baby. Haha, sex. That’s something Jane’s never had.
Meanwhile, at the hotel, Petra is blissfully in love with Lachlan, who promises to take her to Spain at the end of the week. The Narrator tells Petra that she shouldn’t trust Lachlan, but she doesn’t hear him since he’s the narrator. She does get a call from her Sketchy Czech Ex (say that five times fast!), who wants to talk. Petra is like, “Ugh, I already found out my mom was a liar. Who else is there?”
Also at the hotel, Rafael and Rose are having a meeting with Michael and Nadine. Since Emilio has
died disappeared, the cops think he might try to call home to try to get more money or something. Rafael is not thrilled that Michael’s little subplot has made it into the main story, so he’s trying to make an excuse to leave when an employee, Scott, interrupts their meeting.
Scott looks like he wants something to say about the investigation but changes his mind when he sees Michael’s weird face.
Jane and Rafael go to the doctor, who tells them that the baby might have a birth defect. There’s a procedure to be sure, but the procedure has a 1 in 300 chance of causing a miscarriage. Jane is already in the 1 in 200 women who (claim to have) conceived without actually having sex so she doesn’t like those odds.
(Author’s note: this show totally dominates the Google results for “accidental artificial insemination,” go figure, so no word on any actual statistics.)
In subplots no one cares about, Alba is at the doctor for physical therapy after she was pushed down a flight of stairs. She has a crush on one of the guys also doing physical therapy–CHEECH MARIN! Cheech Marin generously offers to let Alba use his exercise machine and speaks in Spanish to her, which impresses Alba.
Michael noticed how Nervous Employee Scott looked like he wanted to tell him something, so he and Nadine take him aside for questioning. Scott admits that on the night of the bellboy’s murder, Emilio was out on his boat with his girlfriend instead of in his office. Nadine and Michael are skeptical but agree to check out the alibi anyway.
At Casa Villanueva, Xiomara teases Alba about her crush on Cheech Marin. Rogelio joins in too, but the fun doesn’t last long because Xiomara asks how his search for another acting gig is going. So far, Rogelio has one offer and that’s to audition for a part with an American accent. Rogelio is insulted that he has to do things like audition, but Xiomara reminds him that the longer he is out of the game, the less followers he will have. Rogelio quickly agrees to audition.
Lachlan and the hotel CFO inform Rafael that the hotel is in trouble and the only way to make money is to sell parts of it off, but Rafael can’t stop thinking about Jane and the baby. Jane holds a Villanueva Women meeting to discuss whether or not she should do the test and what she would do if there was a problem. Xiomara asks if Jane would get an abortion, and Jane says no, which makes all the Catholics at home put down their pitchforks and letters to the CW.
Jane decides not to get the test and just hope everything will be fine with the baby.
Petra meets with Crazy Czech Ex, who is still in love with her. He feels that since he exposed Magda, Petra should be with him. “I mean, who else is going to throw acid at your mother, stalk you for years, and then help you plan an elaborate scheme to prove your mother isn’t wheelchair-bound after all?” he asks. Petra tells him goodbye and leaves.
Jane can’t stop worrying about the baby, so she goes down a rabbit hole on WebMD and finds out the baby–along with herself and everyone she’s ever been in contact with–might have a rare jungle disease. In the morning, she tells Rafael that she does want the test after all and wants to check him for mad cow disease, just in case.
Xiomara is wrapping up her dance class when Rogelio interrupts to tell the children that show business is awful and they will be crushed by the Hollywood machine one day too.
After the students leave, Xiomara confronts Rogelio about his behavior. He admits he didn’t get the part, but Xiomara encourages him to keep trying. Jane comes in and informs her family that she is getting the procedure after all. Unfortunately, this means Jane will miss her graduation ceremony since she needs to be on bed rest. But for Jane, peace of mind is better than a cap and gown. It’s probably less expensive, too.
Michael informs Rose that Emilio was having an affair, which truly is news for her. “Glad I plugged that bastard after all,” she thinks. But alas, if his alibi of being with his mistress is true, then Rose needs to find a way to still pin the bell boy murder on him. After Michael leaves, she takes off her red hair, revealing that she is wearing a wig and has dyed her hair blonde. She makes a phone call and tells the person on the other end that they will need to move up their timeline.
As much as I love a good wig reveal, why exactly did she take it off just to place her phone call? Does her phone not recognize her voice unless she is blonde?
After the procedure, Jane goes on bed rest and Rafael tends to her. He asks Xiomara to help him with a surprise for Jane, which slowly starts to convert her to #TeamJaFael. Xiomara asks Alba about her crush on Cheech Marin and why Alba never dated after she was widowed. Alba explains that she would feel guilty dating since her husband gave up so much to be with Alba and it would feel disrespectful to his memory. Xiomara is all, “Mom, Dad would totally want you to get some. If you can’t open your heart for Cheech, then promise me you’ll keep it open for Chong.” Alba agrees to think about it.
Back in bed, Jane wakes up Rafael to tell him that she fears she made a mistake getting the test. “Uh, a little too late for that,” he says. “But seriously, Jane, quit worrying and remember the theme of the episode: letting go.”
Meanwhile, Michael and Nadine meet with Whitney Devore, Emilio’s mistress. She tells them that Emilio called Rose to tell her that he would be on the boat and Michael realizes that Rose lied about not knowing where Emilio was. The Narrator says that if a light bulb could go off over Michael’s head, it would have, so I decided to draw it myself.
He and Nadine quickly realize that Rose is Sin Rostro and is trying to pin it on Emilio. Except when they go to confront her, they find out that she has skipped town!
In the morning, it turns out that Rafael’s surprise is to have a graduation at home for Jane. Even though the Villanueva women think it’s cheesy, Rogelio takes Rafael’s side because he gets to be the keynote speaker. Everyone tells Jane how proud they are of her and how glad they are they don’t have to sit through everyone else’s names to get to her.
Meanwhile, Petra prepares to depart with Lachlan, except he tells her that only he is going to Spain–she is getting put out on the street for good. I am as confused as Petra because I thought Lachlan was in love with her, but Lachlan reveals that he was only pretending to be in love with Petra since he is still mad about how she dumped him for Rafael.
Jane’s bed rest is complete, and now we have to wait two
episodes weeks for the results of the test. Jane agrees to not find out the sex of the baby until she gives birth as part of her new “letting go” philosophy.”
So, homeless once again, Petra tries to figure out her next move. Her Crazy Czech Ex informs her that he bought a controlling interest in the hotel–for her. Except Crazy Czech Ex has decided that they should control it together. “Ah, dammit,” says Petra, but she shrugs and accepts this is her lot in life.
To wrap up the other subplot no one really cares about, Rogelio tells Xiomara that he finally got a job on a telenovela–except it films in Mexico and if he takes it, he won’t be around. At the police station, Nadine realizes that even though Rose is Sin Rostro, it doesn’t explain who killed Roman Zazo, Rafael’s friend from the pilot.
As it turns out, Zazo is alive! And Rafael knows it!
So let’s review:
- Jane’s baby might have a birth defect. We won’t find for awhile though.
- Rogelio might move away for his job. What will happen to #TeamRiomara?
- Petra’s Crazy Czech Boyfriend is staying in town for awhile and he’s her new sugar daddy since Lachlan turned down the job
- The cops know Rose is Sin Rostro except she’s skipped town
- Zazo is alive! Wait, who’s he? Just read the first recap. You’ll catch up.