Jane the Virgin: Thanksgivings Will Be Awkward

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Remember how Jane wants to be a writer? No? I don’t blame you. This character trait has only been in like three episodes. Anyway, we’re back on this.
  • Although it’ll probably be sidelined again because Jane just admitted to Rafael and Michael that she’s in love with both of them
  • The love triangle is further complicated by the fact Petra is pregnant with Rafael’s baby and he knows
  • Xiomara and Rogelio are dating again although he must confront the trust issues from his first marriage
  • Rose is back! With a new face! And she’s kidnapped Luisa!

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.

The Narrator explains that Alba was homesick when it came time for Xiomara’s baptism. She left most of her things behind in Venezuela, including her family traditions. Her husband Mateo encourages Alba to start new traditions and suggests she write a letter about how they came to the U.S. for a better life for their children.

The reading of Alba’s letter is slowly becoming a Villanueva staple: Xiomara read it at Jane’s baptism and now Jane is going to read it at Baby Mateo’s. Alba asks who Mateo’s godparents are going to be, and Jane admits she hasn’t spoken to either Rafael or Michael since her love confession. Which is awkward because Rafael had asked Michael to be the godfather before the whole love confession thing.

Alba insists Jane call Rafael to get this sorted once and for all, but Rafael’s pretty busy freaking out over the fact that his crazy ex-wife stole his sperm and impregnated herself. They go to a doctor, who confirms Petra’s pregnancy, and Petra hurriedly explains that it wasn’t supposed to happen like this — she was going to seduce him and then pretend she got pregnant from the one night stand and everything would have turned out fine if that stupid fertility clinic didn’t call him!

8

As if that makes it any better!

Michael bumps into Rogelio as Rogelio is heading to the set of his telenovela. He tells Michael to keep playing it cool around Jane; Rogelio overheard a conversation where Jane called him “sexy” for being confident. “You want to protect and enhance your masculine image,” he tells Michael. Michael follows Rogelio’s advice and instead of declaring his love for Jane, he gives her an update on the Sin Rostro plot. Ugh, who cares?!

Not Jane, that’s who. She gets an acceptance letter from the grad school program she applied to (and went into labor during her interview) and excitedly tells Rafael how it will be perfect since Mateo will be three months by the time classes start. Well, now we know that’s when this plot line will be picked up again. She tells Rafael the good news at the baptism rehearsal, and he admits some bad news of his own: Petra is pregnant.

Jane realizes that this means her son is going to be related to Petra’s future child. And this makes them…family!

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Family functions are going to be soooo awkward.

Michael can sense Jane is troubled, but since he is now Masculine Michael, he has to write it down instead of saying it aloud. Speaking of writing, there is a snag in Jane’s grad school plans. She has to attend a summer class before she can start the program. Xiomara encourages Jane to attend the class even though Jane worries it’s too soon to leave Mateo. Xiomara also encourages Rogelio to reunite with his ex-wife Luciana onscreen, even though he is terrified of her.

Rogelio takes Xiomara’s advice, but Jane tries to see if she can balance motherhood and schoolwork and gets permission to bring Mateo to her summer class. Unfortunately, fussy baby + huge lecture class = many interruptions and distractions. The admissions officer tells Jane that if she’s not ready to leave Mateo, she can always reapply to grad school later.

Meanwhile, Jane and Rafael meet with Petra, and she tells them that she is going to let them decide what she should do (get an abortion, snag some other poor schmuck to be the father, or co-parent with the three of them). The Villanueva women discuss the situation: Alba is against abortion obviously, but Xiomara is for it. She points out they can’t have Petra and her evil mother around them.

11

They already can’t look at turkey basters the same way.

In the Sin Rostro plot, Luisa is being held hostage by German men who refuse to tell her where she is and why she is there. In America, Michael finds out that the alias Rose is going by is “Denise.” His investigation is interrupted when Rogelio calls him over to ask how the Masculine Michael plan is going. Michael admits it’s been hard since Jane’s life is literally a telenovela, but Rogelio encourages him to stay strong. Hmm, perhaps Rogelio should take his own advice because when he films a love scene with his ex-wife Luciana, he gets too into the kissing, which makes Xiomara jealous.

Still, the Villanueva women put their troubles aside to focus on Mateo’s baptism. Jane reads Alba’s heart-wrenching letter, and many tears are shed. When Jane announces that she has decided to put off grad school to be a mom, Xiomara and Alba remind her that the letter was about providing a good life for their children. Jane agrees to go back to school.

Luisa realizes that Rose is behind her kidnapping. “That is so psychotic!…But also kind of romantic,” says Luisa.

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“I’m trying not to judge, but it’s hard.”

At the baptism party, Xiomara ignores Rogelio while Michael ignores Jane. Alba tells Xiomara to tell Rogelio how she’s feeling, and Rogelio admits the Masculine Michael plan. Xiomara tells Rogelio that she felt jealous, and he tells her that for the sake of their relationship, he won’t hire his ex-wife to be his co-star. Jane confronts Michael about his stupid fake machismo, and he shows her the notebook he had been writing all of his feelings down in. He even gives advice about the Petra situation: “There’s a baby coming. Whatever that means to you: embrace it.”

Jane tells Rafael that they should co-parent Petra’s baby with her. And they should stock up on crosses and textbooks identifying sociopaths.

Speaking of sociopaths, Michael is closer to tracking down Rose. He speaks to the Swiss vineyard owners, who warn him that “Denise” brought great suffering onto their village and he should look up Heidi Von Ocher. He should do it fast because Luisa has just realized that the kidnappers weren’t hired by Rose, they kidnapped her to get to Rose.

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“Kidnapping isn’t as romantic as I thought it was.”

Meanwhile, when Jane drops off Mateo at Rafael’s, she finds out that she has been accepted into the grad school program. In the excitement, the two kiss and Petra sees them!

Luciana confronts Rogelio on why he didn’t cast her in his telenovela and threatens to leak an embarrassing video of him to the press.

How bad can it be? Seriously, we didn’t see what said embarrassing video was about.

So let’s review:

  • Jane and Rafael kissed! And Petra took a photo of it! But what’s she going to do about it? Look at it and cry about how Rafael doesn’t love her?
  • Rogelio is being blackmailed by his evil ex-wife
  • German kidnappers are holding Luisa for a random, and she better hope Rose pays up soon

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Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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