Jane The Virgin: It's A Telenovela Christmas, Charlie Jane! (S2 E8)

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Jane is trying to balance grad school and motherhood
  • Which is going to be hard since her classmate Wesley wrote an expose on her baby daddy’s family
  • And inspired Luisa to look for her mother, who unbeknownst to her, is a drug lord called “Mutter”
  • Michael knows this and he is going undercover to find “Mutter” to redeem himself
  • Jane is angry that Rafael tried to get Michael fired which ends their budding romance…again
  • Alba applied for citizenship and is awaiting her green card
  • Rogelio is trying to live small as he awaits his next big dream project
  • Petra and Magda accidentally killed Ivan, one of Milos’ Czech henchmen

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.

The Narrator explains that when Jane was a young girl, Abuela taught her an anger management exercise. Instead of exploding in anger, Jane would think of happy things that started with the same letters in the word “calm”. Unfortunately, this technique doesn’t help Jane keep her cool around Rafael when the two go to take Mateo to see Santa. Just focus on your cute baby, Jane! Looking at his chubby cheeks always makes me calm.

A mom behind them in line pipes up to tell the two that she knows exactly what they are going through. What, her child got kidnapped by an evil drug lord and then her baby daddy got the police officer/baby mama’s ex-boyfriend fired too? Actually, it turns out the mom just fought a lot with her husband when their daughter was born so they went to couples therapy. She recommends Jane and Rafael do the same.

1

Lady, I don’t think a therapist is going to be able to handle all of this.

Petra tries not to be unnerved by Magda’s surprising calmness about killing and burying Ivan. Magda tells Petra that they just have to clean up their tracks and wait for the police to rule Ivan as a missing persons case. The police will probably do that since they have their hands full with Michael’s “Mutter” case. Luisa barges into the station to excitedly tell Michael that her mother is still alive and then he has to have a very comfortable chat about how her mother is an infamous drug dealer who kidnapped Luisa to send a message to Rose, another infamous drug dealer. Wow. Luisa really goes for women who remind her of her mother.

Jane goes to her university’s office to see if there’s a clause to punish Wesley for writing a tell-all article about her family. She gets distracted when the office informs her that her tuition for the next semester has not been paid. Jane is confused because she has a scholarship that is supposed to cover her expenses. After doing some digging, Jane realizes that her “scholarship” was actually Rogelio secretly paying for her school. Now that he’s strapped for cash, Jane can’t ask him to make another payment. Professor Chavez suggests that Jane submit to a short story contest and use the prize winnings for school.

Meanwhile, Rogelio is missing Michael since their bromance was put on hold after the TeamJaMichael vs Team JaFael debacle. He tracks down Michael and asks to hang out again. Michael gently turns him down, saying it’d be better if they all moved on.

2

You can hear his heart breaking in this screencap.

Even though it’s sad, Michael is right to distance himself from Rogelio. Things are already complicated enough when Michael has to work with Rafael and Luisa to track down Luisa’s mother. Luisa admits to secretly communicating with Rose for the past six months, which infuriates Rafael. He is also not thrilled that his mother is being brought in to be questioned by the police. She attempts to make up with him but Rafael ignores her.

At Casa Villanueva, Jane is happily celebrating the Christmas season with Mateo until Rafael emails  her and asks to have Mateo on Christmas Day. This annoys Jane since she already made plans for Mateo’s first Christmas and she and Rafael get into a online fight over who should have the kid. Rafael threatens to call in a lawyer to settle the custody arrangements once and for all. “Bring on the lawyers!” types Jane. She resists the urge to add a “Come at me bro” GIF and instead talks to Alba’s immigration attorney about her next move. Even though it’s not his area of expertise, he advises Jane that digging up dirt on Rafael could help her gain the upper hand in the custody battle. Jane reluctantly asks Wesley for the source of his tell-all expose and finds out Rafael has a secret account that he’s been funnelling his money into.

Since Jane is shutting him out of Mateo’s life, Rafael tries to see if he can stay connected to his future children with Petra. However, a guilt ridden Petra doesn’t want to talk to him. “Are you okay?” he asks.

3

“With who I’m living with, what do you think?”

Jane discovers that Rafael’s money is going to charity and she feels guilty for trying to find incriminating dirt on him. Rogelio tells Xiomara that seeing Rafael getting pushed out by Jane reminds Rogelio of how Xiomara pushed him out for most of Jane’s life. Xiomara sits Jane down and encourages her to work things out with Rafael. Rafael and Jane try couples therapy and Jane finally understands Rafael’s motivations for turning in Michael: he was angry that Michael let Nadine go even though she kidnapped Mateo and worked for the woman who killed Rafael’s father. Jane apologizes to Rafael and the two finally start to move on.

Meanwhile, Michael and the police think they’ve tracked down “Mutter” to a mental institution. Luisa and Susanna go to visit her but to Luisa’s dismay, her mother switched identities with one of the patients and was discharged a long time ago. Luisa cries as she realizes that her mother is a criminal psychopath and Luisa keeps falling for women just like her. Susanna awkwardly comforts her.

4

“This was never in my job description.”

After the doctor warns Petra to keep her stress levels down, Petra confesses to Rafael about how she helped kill Ivan and all of her other secrets. “Do you hate me?” she asks. “No,” says Rafael. “I think I finally understand you.” He offers to help Petra get rid of her mother once and for all.

Christmas miracles arrive at the Villanueva household: Wesley got kicked out of school for his tell all article and Jane gets his TA position, Rogelio’s intern JD shows Rogelio a script he wrote and Rogelio declares it his next project, and Alba finally gets her green card! Even though the TA job will help with finances, Jane works on her submission for the short story contest. In the story, she writes the main love interest to be just like…Michael?!

Hey, Rogelio might get his bromance back after all.

Let’s review:

  • Jane worked things out with Rafael but is still hung up on Michael
  • Rafael is going to help Petra get rid of Magda once and for all
  • Luisa’s “Mutter” is still at large and for Luisa’s sanity, maybe that’s a good thing
  • Alba got her citizenship!
  • Rogelio got his dream project!

Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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