HappyNiceTimePeople Is Dead. Long Live HappyNiceTimePeople

don't mind the batsFor sale, one gently used website. No, Not Terrible Times for Terrible People, idjits. You will pry wonket from our cold dead fingers, because as God is our witness we will never job-search again. No, our sweet little sister site, HappyNiceTimePeople.com, is for sale for the going rate: $47 and a sandwich.

Many of you have asked over the last 10 months-ish, “What is HappyNiceTimePeople anyway?” which is a question we could never really answer, which was our bad. “Eh? It’s a thing?” we said. Mostly we had visions of sweet sweet Google Ads money (your Wonkette is blackballed from Google Ads, for ever, for being gauche we guess) and then that didn’t happen and actually it doesn’t really make very much money at all in fact it kind of cost us a lot? Of money, which could be better spent at home? It is like those idiots who think you can balance the budget without cutting anything but foreign aid and school lunch, except in this case it is kind of true? Do you like money? You should probably not buy HappyNiceTimePeople.com.

So what happened to make us finally pull Happy’s plug? First Snipy was like “I would rather have seven full-time jobs than continue working as Happy’s editor,” then we hired Sara Benincasa to edit-in-chief that fucker, and then about three weeks later she got a THIRD book deal to go with her previous two and she was all “ulp?” and we were all “ulp?” and then we decided fuck it, this is diverting time and resources away from our REAL babby — AMERCIA FIRST!!! — and let’s MURDER IT WITH A HAMMER IN ITS CUTE LITTLE KITTEN HEAD.

We’ll bring over to Wonkette the pieces we like — the recipes and the clipbait and the sportsball and Kaili being Mad About A Thing and some other weird stuff maybe. We like that Kaleb Horton kid a lot! Have you read him? He’s bizarre!

But! We mean it about you buying it from us. Maybe you work at Jezebel, and you want to die. Or maybe you are slaving the fuck away as a blogger for some alt weekly that does not appreciate you, and you KNOW if you had your own shop it would blow everybody away. If nobody buys it (nobody will buy it) we’ll just keep it there, looming and glowing like a ghost ship on the horizon, or like a dead cat, one or the other. But if you are a lunatic who works all the time, and you are kind of brilliant if you do say so yourself, and you think you could make a go of what we didn’t, the keys are yours. We like to share.

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  • Dolmance

    Give it to Larry Flynt for a couple of months. He’ll show you what to do.This sucks.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      from sideboob to allboob in one fell swoop

      • He said Larry Flynt. More like Insideboob.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          all the world’s a boob and we are merely voyeurs

  • Wow. That was fast. I guess it’s like my wife always says, a fast death is a good one.

    • glasspusher

      I’ve told my loved ones many times, when it all comes down, a quick death is all I ask. My dad didn’t have one 🙁

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        neither did mine- it sucked hard

        • glasspusher

          sorry, dude. Nothing made me an advocate for assisted suicide like my dad’s last summer 🙁

          • My wife is a doctor, so she knows firsthand. I’m sorry for both your losses.

  • glasspusher

    If only I had commented more. I blame myself 🙁

  • glasspusher

    Hey Trix et. al.You are to be applauded for your effort! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

  • nothingisamiss

    This does suck, except yay Sara for the book deal?! And yay, Trix for the money management? And, ummmm…oh hell, I’m gonna miss you.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Snark off for a second- I can’t say that I’m surprised. This site never seemed to figure out its identity, it could never quite figure out what it wanted to be when it grew up. Sad to see it go though, as it seemed to be showing signs of life of late. It just never reached the critical mass necessary to be a bouncing babby website without depending upon the largess of Teh Wonket (just another one of Mitten’s moochers and takers, I guess). You gave it the old college try though, no harm in sticking your neck out for something you believe in…

  • Rick K

    The people demand more Kaleb Horton.

  • damanoid

    Oh the poor kitty! I am so sorry this happened. I refuse to feel bad for not paying more attention to the site, he said while feeling bad for not paying more attention to the site. In hindsight it was a relief to have a relatively whimsical alternative to Wonkette, which can be a hell of a roller coaster ride some mornings. (Enjoy our wacky photo contest! Also, the Supreme Court voted to reinstate slavery.) So often we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone. Goodnight, sweet Whip Kitten, may flights of happy bondage-suited mice sing thee to thy rest.

  • WA Bishop

    Just the cost of pixels for that background must have been enormous.

  • guppy06

    Right after I made a new Disqus account, too.

  • ‘Trix, face it, you’re not a happy time person, & why should you be? That Sara, on the other hand, was getting disturbingly nice. Cutesy, even.P.S.: I just bought two sandwiches, I’ve only eaten one, & I’ve got several times $47.00 in the bank. SOLD!!

  • DistinguĂ© Traces

    It’s been ten months? I feel like the site is brand new.Remember when the internet was the future? My hair was so nice.

  • borninatrailer

    “Maybe you work at Jezebel, and you want to die.”I lol’ed.

  • Arcturus

    “So shines a good deed in a weary world…” Bye HNTP.

  • Trilby16

    Aw…. I liked.

  • Mojopo

    You didn’t know until you tried!

  • William

    Sorry it didn’t work. When it debuted I envisioned a sort of Grantland with less sports and more movie reviews but, like you said, it had trouble finding an identity. I think Sara was bringing it along but oh well…and congrats to her on the book deal.

  • Whoa. HapppyNiceTimePeople is no more, but Shakesville continues to
well, maybe not live, exactly, but exist? That’s some fucked-up shit right there.

  • marindenver

    Dang, sorry to hear it. Have enjoyed it! But, yeah, HNTP didn’t ever quite find its way. Although I, for one, was happy to keep reading it anyway. I’ll definitely continue reading the Wonkette though.

  • tatere

    noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo >:[

  • Martin

    Why is there no good-bye post by Sara? Why does she leave this so unceremoniously? That’s not her style, or so I fancied. Not even a tweet. Happy made me sad, at last.

  • Mahousu

    Now that everyone’s gone, I will comment. Except I can’t stand to see that poor kitten with the crossed-out eyes, and every time I do, it makes me forget completely what I was going to say.So here’s a French Obamacare joke instead. (OK, it actually predates Obamacare):Une dĂ©lĂ©gation de directeurs d’hĂŽpitaux quĂ©bĂ©cois visitent un hĂŽpital amĂ©ricain afin d’observer son fonctionnement. Ils sont reçus par le directeur de hĂŽpital amĂ©ricain et quelques autres cadres et mĂ©decins. Pendant leur visite, ils passent devant une chambre oĂč un homme est en train de se masturber vigoureusement. Un des directeurs quĂ©bĂ©cois demande comment il se fait que cet homme fasse une telle chose.Un des mĂ©decins amĂ©ricain rĂ©pond : “Oh, cet homme est affligĂ© par une trĂšs rare maladie qui cause une accumulation importante de sperme dans ses testicules et il doit se faire opĂ©rer pour remĂ©dier Ă  ce problĂšme. En attendant, il doit se masturber trĂšs rĂ©guliĂšrement pour Ă©viter les douleurs atroces que cette situation provoque.””Je vois,” rĂ©pond le quĂ©bĂ©cois.Ils continuent leur visite et passent devant une autre chambre oĂč un homme est couchĂ© sur le dos et se fait faire une pipe par une infirmiĂšre.Encore une fois, un des directeurs demande: “Et quelle maladie a ce patient?!?”Le directeur de hĂŽpital amĂ©ricain rĂ©pond : “Exactement la mĂȘme que l’autre, mais il a une meilleure mutuelle.”

    • Mahousu

      I gave everyone an upvote as a parting gift. Soyez sage, mes enfants!

  • goonemeritus

    I guess we can’t have nice things.

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    This post was deleted.

  • BMW

    Dead cartoon cat still dead. 🙁

  • mfp

    wtf?…happy nice time is dead?….i knew benincasa would kill it….that fucker

  • Tom_Has_Doubts

    So long, I hardly clicked-on ye.

  • DeSwiss

    Rebecca Schoenkopf I knew I liked you. You’re my kind of insane! 😀