Global Wine Shortage Could Spell Doom For Dinner Parties, Street Living

sideways

Soon we will be rationing wine like common paupers, Margo. The thought of it!

Morgan Stanley Research took a major dump on everyone’s Halloween by releasing a report outlining a global undersupply in cases of wine, about 300 million. This is the lowest in nearly fifty years, notably around the time the President of the United States was ASSASSINATED! Coincidence? Probably, but who cares!!

 “Data suggests there may be insufficient supply to meet demand in coming years, as current vintages are released,”

There could be pandemonium in the streets and people yelling “Ghostbusters” quotes at Bill Murray as the populace steadily devolve into a mass panic. So, it will be pretty much like Boston following the Red Sox victory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAMf3bZ9sAM

The reason for this unprecedented shortage is your entire fault for drinking so much wine, Mom.

Couple increased consumption with a decline in wine production in Italy, France and Spain and we have a recipe for disaster. Why aren’t you using your land to grow grapes, France? Do you want to watch the world burn? Wait, you’ve been drinking haven’t you?

World production peaked way back in 2004 when the surplus reached 600 million and Fox Searchlight released “Sideways” to rave reviews and everyone deciding they should drink wine. Little did we know that our hubris would come back to bite us in the ass come 2013.

Then again, there are conflicting reports and straight out denial of a wine shortage. In fact many are claiming that el vino will flow well into the future and there will be a surplus in the coming years. Here in ‘Merica, the only place that matters, we represent 12% of the entire global wine consumption and it is still all gravy for fancypants winos.

 “I can’t say we’ve felt any shortage,” wine buyer Mulan Chan-Randel told the San Francisco Chronicle. “We may not be having as many closeout specials as we had during the recession, but I don’t see anyone ratcheting up the prices, either,” Chan-Randel said. “We definitely felt an increase in consumption, especially with Millennials. But we’ve been able to keep up.

Everything is the fault of the Millennials.

To confuse us further, Reuters has a fancy chart that says we’re not going to have a shortage, but reading the chart just makes us want a drink. We were told there would be no math.

pic

You’re apparently safe if you like affordable wines, which means that your usual swill of wines found on the shelves of your local 7/11 and Wal-Marts right next to the baby formula is still going to be there.

Probably the best way to handle this is to pop the cork and down a bottle or two of wine right now, just in case. What could go wrong?

Let’s make some bad decisions, America.

[USA Today/Reuters]

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  • There is no doubt; it is baloney on the part of Morgan Stanley, which is flogging sales of an Australian wine company. See Felix Salmon – There’s no global wine shortage. Killer quote specifically regarding what Morgan Stanley did with the graph you’ve reproduced: “To create the first chart, Morgan Stanley just took the second chart, added 300 million cases to the red line, and then — this is pretty cunning — simply deleted 2013 altogether, so that the uptick at the end disappears.”(Full disclosure: earlier draft left out the phrase “what Morgan Stanley did with”, because I confused the less-buggered graph for the more-buggered graph. Primarily because the NON-buggered graph is this one: PNG of World production-consumption difference for wine. Apologies.)

    • Coked Up Jesus

      Literally, I just chose one of the graphs to show something. My mind did hurt a lot at the time.

  • I blame those rappers for spilling wine on the sidewalk for their dead homies.

  • jodyleek

    I don’t care how bad the wine shortage gets, I’m not drinking any fucking merlot!

  • el_donaldo

    Invest in juniper berry futures.

  • x111e7thst

    Nunc est bibendum! (true for any given nunc)

  • JMP

    “So, it will be pretty much like Boston following the Red Sox victory.”But aren’t America’s most obnoxious sports fans usually drunk on Bud, Coors or other pisswater beers?

  • AnOuthouse

    This is something else that’s due to global warming, right?Thanks, Obama!

  • docterry6973

    I don’t know if I’m willing to spend more than $6 a bottle.

    • calliecallie

      This is why I buy by the case.

  • Farb

    Morgan Stanley Research’s release very likely indicates that Morgan Stanley, it’s stock and stake holders, or its important customers have investments in the wine market, and are orchestrating a revenue increase.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    Higher wine prices will reduce pregnancy rate among Palins.

  • actor212

    Hey! I can comment again! YAY!

    • discus_sucks_ass

      yeah but it’s discus crap

  • actor212

    So long as my champagne is safe…

  • PubOption

    It looks like the invisible hand is controlling overproduction.

  • calliecallie

    Fun how the wine consumption spikes right around the time the recession began. If you can’t work, drink!

    • emmelemm

      Vices are magically recession-proof.

      • BigRedDog

        Job security!

  • andreamd

    I don’t drink – you can have mine

  • Jay B.

    Ahem, but that particular riot happened at UMass-Amherst which is as close to Boston as Philly is to New York. There is actual Boston riot footage also available on YouTube, if you choose to correct it.

    • Coked Up Jesus

      Oh I see. Just found it doing a quick search for riot, not Boston in particular. If anything, I’d rather have one from a movie or something.

  • BigRedDog

    I can pinpoint the beginning of the end of the wine industry. It started the first time someone put a cat on a wine label.

  • BigRedDog

    Just drink beer you winey motherfuckers.

  • Cranky Man

    There is still plenty of Flor de Cana though? Right? Some one say yes for the love of pete!

  • Deleted

    This post was deleted.

  • James McCarty Yeager

    ‘pop the corks’? at least at my walmart or 7-11 they aint got no corks. they got high-class screwtop wines or nice li’l lowlife cardboard boxes what ye punch a hole in an’ slurp with a straw jest like a kid with a fruit punch… corks, my rosy irish ass…

  • mtn_philosoph

    “The spice wine must flow.” — Paul Atreides Masson