Fox & Friends’ passionate defense of children’s cartoon characters quickly descends into hyperbole and racism

Fox & Friends popeye

When Fox & Friends describes something as “A symbol of freedom and masculinity and America itself—the reason this country exists!”… what is it that you think they’re talking about?

“Guns” is a very good guess, but no.

This time, we’re talking about tobacco. Because America = Virginia in this context apparently. But when Tucker Carlson is hyperbolizing, he’s got no time to worry about details. After all, the integrity of the cartoon Popeye is at stake!!

Not following? Let me start from the beginning.

Sony is apparently launching a new, computer animated version of Popeye the Sailor Man. This is a national tragedy, per the Fox & Friends team. Not because the 3D computer rendering makes Popeye’s grotesquely misshapen body even more nightmarish, but because the new Popeye doesn’t have his traditional tattoo or pipe! Won’t somebody please think of the children?!

Fox & Friends popeye 2

“This is a sad story,” says Tucker, who knows exactly what’s at stake here.

“This is a very sad story,” one-ups co-host Clayton Morris, because he’s a dick like that.

Yes, a cartoon no one has even thought about in 20 years is suddenly a sacred text that cannot be changed. American culture and traditional masculinity depend on it. Because if the Popeye you saw as a child isn’t the same one your children see, the terrorists win. Or something.

“Are they wussifying Popeye?” asks Clayton.

“Of course they’re wussifying—nothing is scarier to a modern liberal than tobacco,” says Tucker.

Really, Tucker? Not even Christmas?

Pulling a pipe out of the mouth of a 70-year-old cartoon character is nothing less than an assault on the Y-chromosome and freedom itself, wails Tucker. But the whining is just getting started. The Fox & Friends team uses the new Popeye as an excuse to transition to the new comic book Thor, who has boobies and a vagina, can you believe?? Hollywood is attacking and destroying the American male once again.

But things don’t really heat up until Wonder Woman enters the conversation. She’s showing a little less skin these days than her original 1940s pinup costume or her 1970s Linda Hamilton strapless bathing suit.

“That’s a good Islamic point you’re making,” says Tucker, emphasizing the word Islamic to make sure you know it’s a slur. “It’s immodest, as we say in Sharia… I want to see her in a burka.”

Because nothing helps out your argument better than ad hoc racism.

Wonder woman burka

What the hell, dude? Why not drag Hassidic Jews or the extreme Christian evangelist crowd into it? Lots of religions aren’t big on women showing off too much skin, and none of them have anything to do with Wonder Woman’s ever-changing wardrobe. But it’s Muslims you hate, so it’s Muslims you slander… at every opportunity, no matter how divorced from the topic.

Clayton was content to merely defend the objectification of women as a traditional part of American culture and therefore good—which, granted, is stupid but at least on point.

Full video via Raw Story:

You may also like...