Apr 3, 2018
Easy Kill (1989) (part 6 of 7)
More time is wasted as Frank drinks. Of course, the smart thing for Frank to do at this point is to go to the cops, turn state’s witness against Jade and Alex, and hope that they go easy on him, since all he is at this point is an accessory to murder. But, being the kind of movie that this is, Frank doesn’t do that. Instead, Frank drives back to Jade’s front gate.
Coincidentally, she happens to be standing right in front of her closed circuit TV, watching the security cameras at the exact moment he drives up. It’s amazing how these things work out, isn’t it? Jade lets him in and he drives inside.
He enters the house. "Frank?" Jade asks. Um, didn’t she just see that it was him on the security cameras?
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It appears that they’ve reconciled, but no reason is ever given for why Frank had a change of heart. All we know is that this all leads to yet another sex scene. Did we really need two sex scenes with Frank Stallone in the same movie? As far as I can tell, the only difference between the first sex scene and the second sex scene is that we actually get to see Jane Badler’s nipple this time around. I’d even wager that they filmed both scenes on the same day. For Jane Badler’s sake, I hope that they did. Can you imagine having to get naked with Frank Stallone on two separate occasions? Yeck.
Afterwards, Jade is lying in bed, and Frank is putting on a shirt and tie that he clearly wasn’t wearing when he showed up. So, apparently, even though nothing was wrong with the clothes Frank was wearing when he got there, he’s decided to put on one of Alex’s suits, presumably for fun. Where was the line? Where was the line? Waaaay back there.
He walks into the living room and starts looking at the paintings on the walls. This wastes another minute or two. Frank then pours himself a drink. Jade comes out and asks him what he’s looking for, but by the time she enters he’s not looking at anything, so what is she talking about?
Frank wants to know why there’s "nothing in this house. No books, no photographs, it’s bare." What exactly does he call those paintings on the walls that he was staring at less than a minute ago?
She repeats what she told him earlier in the film, that she and Alex had just moved in. Frank suddenly doesn’t buy this. "You told me you’d been here three months!" Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that pretty much what Jade just said?
Jade wants to know what’s wrong, and Frank says, "We were involved in a murder last night!" just in case that little detail escaped her memory, I guess. "We have to get out of here," Frank says. And then they hug [?].
Jade tells him she’s booked some private charter flights, then goes into a lengthy discussion of their itinerary. If you’re thinking that this dialogue is for the sole purpose of killing a little more screen time, I’m afraid to report that you’re not very far off.
Jade tells Frank to take all of the money with him, and that they’ll split the million dollars when they get to their final destination. Frank points out that just because it’s a private chartered airplane doesn’t mean he won’t get searched. "When they open my bag and see that money, they’re gonna ask a lot of questions. They ain’t stupid. I know. I was a cop." Presumably, he’s referring to the other cops that were on the force at the same time as him. Knowing Frank, a drug trafficker would have to juggle big bags of cocaine at the airport gate before Frank would ever think of questioning him.
"A cop?" Jade asks, as if she’s being taken by surprise. You think this little factoid about Frank’s past might have come up in conversation before. Didn’t she wonder why he always carries a gun?
Jade isn’t perturbed. She points out that, hypothetically speaking, if he were a diplomat he wouldn’t get searched. Frank quips, "Yeah, I’ll call the White House and see what they can arrange." Pardon me while I regain my composure. Ah, good times.
Jade then takes him back to that tall locked box in her closet and pulls out Alex’s passport. So, we’re to assume that Alex didn’t bother to take his passport with him the last time he left home? And he’s a diplomat?
Now comes the most idiotic plot twist in this entire movie. We zoom in on the picture in Alex’s passport. This is the first time we get to see what Alex really looks like, so naturally, it’s supposed to be a big deal.
As it turns out, Alex is Frank Stallone with slicked-back hair and big glasses. This is unbelievably dumb. I mean, if you’re going to have the same actor play both roles, and least do something to make them look a little different. Put a big prosthetic nose on Alex, or something. Don’t just slap a pair of big glasses on Frank Stallone and call it a new character.
The other reason this is stupid beyond belief is because at no time up to this point has Jade ever mentioned even a passing resemblance between Frank and Alex. They’re freaking identical twins for Christ’s sake! How could she not even point this out?
So, here’s Jade’s big plan: Frank is going to pretend to be Alex. She says that to pass for Alex, Frank might have to gray his hair and trim it a little. Okay, graying it a little makes some sense, but trimming it? Isn’t it possible that Alex’s hair might be a little longer than when he took his passport photo?
Also, and, I hate to sound nitpicky, but this passport hardly looks like an official diplomatic passport. In fact, it looks like a standard passport that anybody can get at the post office. I’m not trying to imply anything here, I’m just telling you what I see.
"Honey," Frank says, "If they find that rifle, every airport’s gonna be crawling with cops." I think Frank is slightly overestimating Marty’s importance, and how the police will react if and when they find his body. Considering he worked for a drug dealer, I can’t imagine the cops would exert much effort towards trying to find the guy who killed him.
Undaunted, Frank points out that if the cops find the rifle, they’ll be looking for Alex, because the rifle is registered in Alex’s name. And if they think Frank is Alex, then, in Frank’s words, "I’m finished". She says they’ll charter a flight out that night, and at the same time she reminds him about that whole a-million-dollars-in-cash thing.
"I guess you’re right," he says, with an oddly cheerful expression for a man about to flee the country to escape a murder charge. He agrees to do it, but first he’s got personal stuff to take care of, so he leaves. Jade just nonchalantly lets him leave, despite the fact that they’re both participants in a murder. Yeah, I know: IITS.
As soon as he’s gone, Jade calls the cops to report Alex’s rifle stolen. You know, I seem to remember that Jade also handled the rifle. Since both their fingerprints are on it (and on the storage closet door), this doesn’t seem like the wisest move. But what do I know?
Frank is back at his bar. Eddie says "that Jolene dame" called three or four times, so Frank calls her up.
Suddenly we cut to a blazingly bright set. We see a woman in (I assume) a police uniform, sitting at a computer terminal. This turns out to be Jolene, the same girlfriend who left a worried message on Frank’s answering machine earlier.
Judging by her performance, the woman playing Jolene appears to be the director’s girlfriend. She’s pissed that Frank hasn’t been around, reminding him that her "time off is precious!"
Frank responds by asking for a favor. What a great guy, huh? Jolene complains some more: "When you want something, you phone me, but when I want something…" Then she just trails off, which is a wise choice, since there’s not really a coherent way to finish that sentence.
Frank wants information on Alex Anderson. Specifically, he wants "police reports, bonds, mortgages, who’s his beneficiary?" Just out of curiosity, can the police really get that kind of information without a subpoena?
"It’s a pretty tall order, but it’ll take a while," Jolene says. This line made little sense to me until I realized that there was probably supposed to be a pause after "but" that the actress skipped right over.
Frank tells her he’ll be at the club for the next half hour and hangs up. A half hour? The cops can really find out who your beneficiaries are in half an hour?
In the meantime, we get a dumb exchange where Frank tells Eddie he’ll be going away for a while. He wants Eddie to run his bar in the meantime in exchange for a "50% cut". The conversation ends with Eddie advising Frank to "play it off the cushion", whatever that means.
Jolene calls back. So, I guess instead of half an hour, it takes about two minutes to get all the information Frank wanted. She says Alex has a ten million dollar life insurance policy.
"Ten million dollars!" Frank yells out, which is kind of a dopey thing to do, given that Eddie is standing right there, and that all of this is sort of related to a murder that Frank was involved in. Jolene then says, "His wife, Jade Anderson, stands to collect." For no apparent reason, Frank mutters to himself, "Jade Anderson." Mind you, Eddie is still within earshot of all this.
This whole conversation is dumb on numerous levels. First of all, is it really that shocking to think that Jade is Alex’s beneficiary? She’s his wife, after all.
Secondly, and quite conveniently, Jolene’s phone call only served to inform Frank of stuff that he (and the audience) didn’t already know about. Frank clearly asked for "police reports, bonds, mortgages," but Jolene didn’t mention any of that. This is despite the fact that, earlier in the film, FBI "officers" told Jade that Alex was wanted for questioning in connection with two drug-related homicides. Jolene, however, didn’t mention any of that. So are we to assume the FBI has this information, but not the police?
Also conveniently left out is the fact that Alex’s rifle was reported stolen by Jade in the scene just prior to this one. Wouldn’t that deserve a mention on Jolene’s list of "police reports, bonds, mortgages"? Of course not, because if Frank heard that Alex’s rifle was reported stolen, he would immediately realize Jade was setting him up (unless I’m giving him too much credit) and the movie would be over. So, instead (and unfortunately), we keep going.