Category: Videos

VIDEO: Antichrist (2009)

“Chaos reigns as Mr. Mendo takes on Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist, with the help of a very special guest, the Lecher Bitch herself, Diamanda Hagan! Watch as a grieving couple retreats to their cabin in the woods, in the movie that shocked Cannes with graphic depictions of genital mutilation, hardcore sex, talking foxes, and naked Willem Dafoe!”

VIDEO: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

“Fear Fan looks at the fifth installment in the Nightmare on Elm Street series, where Alice (one of the survivors of Part 4) learns that Freddy wants to return to the real world by invading the subconscious of her unborn baby. Witness Freddy’s nun-rape origins, a nerd getting terrorized inside a comic book, death by overeating, and a special appearance by Baby Freddy!”

VIDEO: Top 10 Bad Movie Taglines

In this installment of Good Bad Flicks, Cecil examines an affliction that can strike both good movies and bad movies: terrible slogans getting slapped on the poster by clueless studio marketing departments. In this video, Cecil counts down the 10 worst one-line blurbs ever used to sell a movie!

VIDEO: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.”

VIDEO: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles “H.A.T.E.”

“In his continuing quest for Saturday Morning Glory, Ryan watches Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Not the ‘80s series, but the 2003 Nickelodeon version that was more faithful to the original Turtles comics. But as the third season episode ‘H.A.T.E.’ proves, being more faithful isn’t always a good thing. In a story lifted from Vol. 1, Issue 12, the Turtles go up against an inept pseudo-militia group intent on nuking New York City. Meanwhile, the writers accidentally (one assumes) drop in a sitcom plot where April deals with her visiting mother-in-law. Wacky hijinks—and attempted genocide—ensue!”

VIDEO: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011)

“‘80s pop princesses Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are down in the ‘Everglades’, trying to out-bitch each other by creating giant pythons and alligators. Eventually, the two middle-aged teen queens put their differences aside to save Miami from a reptile apocalypse, in this amazing sci-fi-horror-action comedy that manages to completely fail in four genres at once!”

VIDEO: Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

“Just in time for Halloween, Cecil brings us Hack-O-Lantern, the tale of an old man (Hy Pyke, the bar owner from Blade Runner, which is enough to get him top billing here) who tries to initiate his young grandson Tommy (Gregory Scott Cummins) into a devil-worshipping cult. Come for the satanic killing spree, stay for the incest and the heavy metal music video randomly dropped into the middle of the movie!”

VIDEO: Shocker (1989)

“This time on Terror Obscura, it’s 1989’s Shocker, director Wes Craven’s failed attempt to create a film franchise to rival his own Nightmare on Elm Street series. In it, a high school football player (played by Friday Night Lights director Peter Berg) faces off against an executed serial killer (a scenery-chewing Skinner from The X-Files) with the power to jump into the bodies of other people. Berg is forced to pursue him from body to body, across the broadcast airwaves, and eventually through all of television. But more importantly, there’s a cameo by John Tesh!”

VIDEO: Donnie Darko (2001)

“Mr. Mendo is back to take on yet another overrated indie film: Donnie Darko, the needlessly obtuse story of a schizophrenic boy, the 6-foot rabbit that visits him in the night, and the jet engine that falls on him. Also, there’s some stuff in here about time travel and the end of the world. And Patrick Swayze is a child molesting motivational speaker. This synopsis makes more sense than the movie.”

VIDEO: Delgo (2008)

Delgo is the trite tale of two species battling for control of their generic fantasyland and the star-crossed lovers (voiced by Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jennifer Love Hewitt) caught in the middle, featuring cheap CGI, endless clichés, and terrible comic relief courtesy of an exceptionally irritating Chris Kattan. If you missed this one in theaters (and odds are very, very good that you did), here’s your chance to find out if it’s as bad as its domestic gross suggests!”

VIDEO: Masters of the Universe (1987)

“Break out your action figures, and settle in for pure ‘80s awesomeness! Long before the horrendous Transformers movies, there was Masters of the Universe, a live action movie that adapted a toy/cartoon series, and actually did it right! Sure, it may be just another fish out of water story, and there may be a few too many new characters, but overall the film delivers. Sword battles, weird creatures, and a 22 year old Courtney Cox? Sign me up!”

VIDEO: Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS / Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

“Starting things off is 1975’s Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS, an entry in the inexplicably popular Nazi exploitation genre. Ilsa, commandant of a POW camp, conducts gruesome experiments on women to prove their superiority to men, while castrating the men who can’t keep up with her in the sack. At the top of the bill is Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, also from 1975, the lighthearted tale of Italian fascists who kidnap a group of teenage boys and girls and degrade them for—you guessed it—120 days.”

VIDEO: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

“Michael Cera plays a 20 something slacker (shocker!) living in Toronto, who falls in love with a girl with seven evil exes, among them Superman and Captain America. Scott has to do battle with each ex in a series of Nintendo-inspired fight scenes, while writer-director Edgar Wright shamelessly attempts to create a new cult classic by stuffing in the maximum amount of video game in-jokes possible.”

VIDEO: Cherry 2000 (1987)

“This episode, it’s Cherry 2000, a 1987 sci-fi action flick about a man who breaks his robot wife, and hires a redheaded Melanie Griffith to head into the desert wastelands to find him an exact duplicate. If you think the synopsis sounds ridiculous, wait until you actually see it.”

VIDEO: The Funhouse (1981)

“In this episode, Fear Fan watches Tobe Hooper’s entry in the carnival-based horror film genre, 1981’s The Funhouse! In this by-the-numbers thriller, two teenage couples go to a traveling fun fair, and decide to spend the night in the fun house ride, only to be trapped inside and terrorized by creepy carnies and a deformed ride operator. This movie has everything you’d expect from slasher films of the ‘80s: clueless teens, a psycho killer, and of course, massive amounts of padding!”

VIDEO: Dante's Peak (1997)

“It’s the debut of a new show, Good Bad Flicks, where your host Cecil Trachenburg takes you through rare movies, forgotten classics, and misunderstood box office bombs! First up is Dante’s Peak, a disaster film that deserves more attention. It was released amidst a glut of disaster films in the mid ‘90s, and was unfortunately overshadowed by many of them. But almost 15 years later, the film still holds up. The effects are fantastic, and even though the story won’t win any awards, the movie is a blast (in more ways than one)!”

VIDEO: Rubber (2010)

“Mr. Mendo teams up with the mysterious reviewer known only as The Omega for the world’s first movie about a self-aware rubber tire with the ability to psychically make people’s heads explode, also starring a self-aware Greek chorus of spectators who watch the film from inside itself. This movie doesn’t just sit atop the fourth wall; it crashes right through it. Which makes this episode of Hack Attack the perfect occasion for a surprise guest star (or two)…”

VIDEO: Moulin Rouge (2001)

“Stan returns from the dead with a whole new manly musical: Moulin Rouge, the Orphean tale of a young chump and his sexy lady of the evening. Does this classic love story have what it takes to win Stan over? Can Stan resist the charms of adult contemporary songs sung by beautiful actors and the guy from Harry Potter 6? Does Stan feel like an idiot writing these things in the third person? The answer to all these questions—save the last—can be found inside the video thing below, and all it takes is one click of your mouse!”

VIDEO: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

“The Fear Fan’s reviews of the Elm Street series continue with A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors. Of all the sequels, this is probably the most popular, but does it deserve to be? Find out what happens when the Fear Fan is confronted by horrifying puppetry, Dungeons & Dragons, and the eternal horror that is a hover nun.”