Category: Movies

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VIDEO: Cherry 2000 (1987)

“This episode, it’s Cherry 2000, a 1987 sci-fi action flick about a man who breaks his robot wife, and hires a redheaded Melanie Griffith to head into the desert wastelands to find him an exact duplicate. If you think the synopsis sounds ridiculous, wait until you actually see it.”

VIDEO: The Funhouse (1981)

“In this episode, Fear Fan watches Tobe Hooper’s entry in the carnival-based horror film genre, 1981’s The Funhouse! In this by-the-numbers thriller, two teenage couples go to a traveling fun fair, and decide to spend the night in the fun house ride, only to be trapped inside and terrorized by creepy carnies and a deformed ride operator. This movie has everything you’d expect from slasher films of the ‘80s: clueless teens, a psycho killer, and of course, massive amounts of padding!”

VIDEO: Dante's Peak (1997)

“It’s the debut of a new show, Good Bad Flicks, where your host Cecil Trachenburg takes you through rare movies, forgotten classics, and misunderstood box office bombs! First up is Dante’s Peak, a disaster film that deserves more attention. It was released amidst a glut of disaster films in the mid ‘90s, and was unfortunately overshadowed by many of them. But almost 15 years later, the film still holds up. The effects are fantastic, and even though the story won’t win any awards, the movie is a blast (in more ways than one)!”

VIDEO: Rubber (2010)

“Mr. Mendo teams up with the mysterious reviewer known only as The Omega for the world’s first movie about a self-aware rubber tire with the ability to psychically make people’s heads explode, also starring a self-aware Greek chorus of spectators who watch the film from inside itself. This movie doesn’t just sit atop the fourth wall; it crashes right through it. Which makes this episode of Hack Attack the perfect occasion for a surprise guest star (or two)…”

VIDEO: Moulin Rouge (2001)

“Stan returns from the dead with a whole new manly musical: Moulin Rouge, the Orphean tale of a young chump and his sexy lady of the evening. Does this classic love story have what it takes to win Stan over? Can Stan resist the charms of adult contemporary songs sung by beautiful actors and the guy from Harry Potter 6? Does Stan feel like an idiot writing these things in the third person? The answer to all these questions—save the last—can be found inside the video thing below, and all it takes is one click of your mouse!”

VIDEO: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

“The Fear Fan’s reviews of the Elm Street series continue with A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors. Of all the sequels, this is probably the most popular, but does it deserve to be? Find out what happens when the Fear Fan is confronted by horrifying puppetry, Dungeons & Dragons, and the eternal horror that is a hover nun.”

VIDEO: Mamma Mia! (2008)

“Here we go again with another Thoroughly Manly Musical! In this episode, Super trooper Stan takes a chance on the ABBA musical nobody asked for, and finds something that was clearly only made for money, money, money. Will Stan request an SOS, or will the experience bring out his inner dancing queen? Who cares? After spending this much time coming up with stupid ABBA references, we’re pretty sure he’s going to kill himself anyway.”

VIDEO: Monsters (2010)

“The Fear Fan goes indie with Monsters, a relatively low budget monster movie that managed to get some decent reviews when it was first released. Fear Fan went into this one with high expectations, but does it live up to them? To put it simply: Hell no.”

VIDEO: Never Say Never Again (1983)

“Mr. Mendo once again explores the world of subpar James Bond films with Never Say Never Again, featuring Sean Connery returning to the role of 007 after a 12 year absence. In the movie, Blofeld threatens to detonate two stolen nuclear warheads unless SPECTRE’s demands are met, which eventually leads to a massive underwater battle. And if that synopsis sounds familiar, it’s because Never Say Never Again was legally required to have the exact same plot as Thunderball.”

VIDEO: Captain America (1990)

“In this episode, Fear Fan leaves behind the world of horror movies to examine the awful 1990 direct-to-video Albert Pyun-directed Captain America, starring Ronny Cox, Ned Beatty, and J.D. Salinger’s son as Cap. Our own Stan Ferguson previously covered the 1979 Reb Brown version, but this one is much worse, despite being a lot more faithful to the comics.”

VIDEO: Captain America (1979)

“They don’t get much cheesier or TV movie-er than 1979’s Captain America, starring Reb ‘Big McLargeHuge’ Brown as the Sentinel of Liberty. There’s no Red Skull or HYDRA or Cap getting entombed in a block of ice in this movie, just a big doof with overinflated biceps riding his motorcycle and battling Wink Martindale’s evil twin.”

VIDEO: Tommy (1975)

“Stan looks at Tommy, the 1975 musical based on the Who’s rock opera about a deaf, dumb blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball. Directed by Ken Russell (who apparently hates epileptics), the movie stars Ann-Margret (who shows off some impressive eye acting), a creepy, tone-deaf Oliver Reed, and Roger Daltrey as Tommy, who’s got a fever, and the only cure is more pinball!”

VIDEO: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

“The Fear Fan takes on 1985’s A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge! Some people say it’s the worst entry in the series, others say it’s the gayest entry in any horror series. But no matter how you slice it, this movie has one hell of a reputation. Can the Fear Fan find any redeeming qualities among a sea of naked man ass, killer parakeets, and dance moves bad enough to peel paint? Watch and find out!”

VIDEO: Leprechaun 6: Back 2 tha Hood (2003)

“In this episode, Mr. Mendo gets his Irish on, and joins forces with special guest the Cinema Snob to take on the sixth (yes, the sixth) film in the Leprechaun series. Warwick Davis is the Leprechaun, who returns to “tha hood” a year after rapping with Ice-T, to slowly pick off a random group of ghetto denizens (including Tangi Miller, Laz Alonso, Page Kennedy, and the inimitable Sticky Fingaz) who make the tragic mistake of stealing his pot o’ gold!”

VIDEO: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)

“Everybody’s favorite kaiju does battle with Mechagodzilla, a robot Godzilla clone created by the Simians, an ape-like race from the Third Planet from the Black Hole who have come to conquer Earth, starting with Okinawa. And yes, that’s really the plot. Come for the giant monsters kicking ass, stay for the musical numbers!”

VIDEO: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

“Welcome to the first episode of a brand new series, where your host Fear Fan explores the best and worst horror films ever made! In this episode, take a trip into the demented mind of Wes Craven as we watch his greatest creation: 1984’s A Nightmare on Elm Street, starring Heather Langenkamp, Johnny Depp, John Saxon, and Robert Englund as the original Freddy Krueger!”

VIDEO: Forrest Gump (1994)

“In this episode, Mr. Mendo lists the 7 worst things about Forrest Gump, the tale of a simpleminded buffoon who somehow lucks into having the greatest life ever, while everyone around him suffers and dies horribly. Join Mendo as he rights some wrongs, solves the Kennedy assassination, exposes the fascist ideology of Tom Hanks, reveals what’s in Marsellus Wallace’s briefcase, and takes a cue from the film itself by raping as many classic pop songs of the ‘60s and ‘70s as humanly possible.”

VIDEO: The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)

“Allegedly based on a true story (it’s not), the movie tells the tale of a family who moves into a creepy house, only to discover it’s really a former funeral parlor haunted by demons. Yes, that old story. No, seriously, it’s the oldest story ever told. Watch Mendo and Fear Fan explain how this hodgepodge of 20 better horror films might be the blandest movie ever made.”

VIDEO: Ishtar (1987)

“Thrill to the song stylings of Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, as they perform classics like ‘Love in My Will’, ‘Software’, ‘Wardrobe of Love’, and ‘How Big Am I?’ And yes, these are the highlights of the movie.”