Big Baby Brooklyn Man Sues City Because Big Mean Rock In The Park Made Him Cry
Are you a special snowflake? Do you believe the world is your playground but you should also be protected from any sharp corners the world has, literally and figuratively? Then you are probably a nonsense person like Jonathan Stock, who is suing New York City for his fall from a rock he climbed in a Manhattan Park.
You may ask yourself “how on earth is it the city’s fault if some grown person millennial doofus climbs a rock and falls down?” We are completely confused about this as well, but that is because we are not special snowflake indigo child adult playground world is our oyster type of people. But Jonathan Stock sure as fuck is.
A Brooklyn man is suing the city after falling from a large boulder in a Hudson River Park that he says was just begging to be climbed.
“Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I don’t get to explore the world, too,” said Jonathan Stock, 32, who ruptured his Achilles tendon in the fall. […]
Most of the rocks are flat, and range from a couple of inches to a few feet tall. But the centerpiece is a 10-foot-tall, rectangular boulder with a slight slope on one side.
“I ran and jumped it, and I pretty much knew exactly what happened right away. I tried to stand up and fell back down on my face completely,” he said.
So you are an adult, and you want to explore the world, but you do not want to be responsible for what happens if you explore the world, and also you are too fucking dumb to think twice about jumping off of a ten-foot rock. But that rock was just asking for it.
Stock’s lawyer says the absence of a sign barring climbing is negligence. “It just invites you or anybody with any athletic sense to give it a try,” said attorney Andrew Spinnell.
That is really not true, attorney Andrew Spinnell, because most of us are not ridiculous man-children who have to explore the world by jumping off of rocks. Or, if we are ridiculous man-children who need to jump off rocks, we fucking take responsibility for any injuries that might result. Also, you know full well if there had been a sign, someone like Stock would have sued because the sign restricted his sense of wonder and play and freedom in wandering and climbing among the rocks.
We’re going to watch the progress of this lawsuit so carefully, because now that the cheerleader sues mommy and daddy to make them pay for college thing is done, this is our new favorite stupid lawsuit trick.