Enjoy my last Cop Rock recap. Yes, like the show itself, these recaps are being put on indefinite hiatus due to lack of interest.
Author: Dr. Winston O'Boogie
Budgets will be slashed, regular cast members will be demoted to recurring, network-wide crossovers will happen, and hopefully the series will be allowed to appeal to a hipper, savvier audience of superhero fans as opposed to its previous demo of elderly women watching with their granddaughters.
Most new shows take a few episodes to really find their footing, and this episode may be where Cop Rock finally started to improve. It never becomes good, mind you, but it generally avoids anything as embarrassing as the musical numbers of the first three episodes.
If the point of these numbers is to allow us to get to know the characters in ways that mere spoken dialogue can’t provide, shouldn’t the vast majority of them have been performed by the show’s main cast?
Join us for the first in a (hopefully) regular feature on the Agony Booth where we make snap judgments about the box office chances of upcoming movies based solely on watching the trailers, including Gone Girl on a Train, The Birth of a Nation, Jack Reacher 2, and more.
It’s almost like the makers of this show were daring viewers to change the channel.
Aaaand then a drum machine kicks in, and the dealers and bystanders all perform a rap song while the cops just smirk and shake their heads like perps breaking out into an impromptu musical number while being arrested is a totally normal thing. Such is the world of Cop Rock, producer Steven Bochco’s ill-fated 1990 attempt to fuse the police drama and musical genres.
It’s the season finale, and Non is out to destroy the human race. Superman is now just a pair of boots, so it’s up to Supergirl to save us all by bludgeoning us with hope. And so the season ends as it began: with lots and lots of emotional speechifying.
Non uses the power of Myriad to control all of National City, including a CGI blob that’s allegedly Superman. Supergirl and her crew react to this threat with talking, talking, and more talking.
The Flash crosses over from the CW to hang with Supergirl, and this superhero team-up is basically everything that Batman v Superman was not. For starters, there’s ice cream for everybody.
The film (and perhaps the Wachowskis’ directing career) comes to a perfunctory end as we learn that while being ruler of a galactic empire might be nice, it can never compare to cleaning toilets for a living.
It’s a clip show, only without the clips, as the origin stories of our main characters are revealed for… well, definitely not for the first time.
It’s the obligatory “superhero turns evil” episode as Kara gets exposed to Red Kryptonite. Also: loving references to one of the worst comic book movies ever! But no Kara vs. Supergirl junkyard fight, sadly.
This non-comedy gets a suitable non-ending as all the plot threads we’ve been following for six months devolve into a terrible musical number and the strangest closing credits in history.
It’s new Supergirl vs. old Supergirl as Laura Vandervoort guest stars as an evil blue alien who is definitely not Mystique. Also, if you’re interested in not becoming a supervillain, stay the heck away from Winn; he’s a bit of a bad-luck charm.
Jupiter finally meets the main villain of the film, and it feels like a complete afterthought. But on the plus side, somebody in this movie will win an “award” for his acting.
“Roger Ebert would often espouse the notion that there are no good movies featuring hot air balloons. I’d like to think he was watching Skidoo at the time he formulated this theory.”
Supergirl gets a new rival at work, faces another bottom-tier Superman villain, and this show again proves it understands the Superman Family way better than the DC movies.
Jupiter and Titus are about to get married, but to the shock of no one, Titus has sinister motives. Cue “Mrs. Robinson” on the soundtrack as Caine rushes to stop the wedding.
Supergirl loosely adapts a classic Superman story from the ‘80s (emphasis on loosely), but mostly uses it to advance Astra and Non’s evil plans, which come perilously close to actually making sense.