10 Things Derek Jeter Can Finally Focus On Now That He’s Retired

10 Things Derek Jeter Can Finally Focus On Now That He's Retired
Oh hey oh hi! Derek Jeter has been my imaginary boyfriend since I was 16, and now he is finally retiring and will be able to spend more time with me. In the event he doesn’t decide to marry me immediately, here are ten other things Jeter can finally focus on in his retirement.

1. Pussy
2. Pussy
3. Pussy
4. Pussy
5. Endorsements
6. Pussy
7. The Turn 2 Foundation, his one true love besides pussy
8. Pussy
9. Pussy
10. Dick (his own)

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  • ChrisVosburg

    One of our wee Thai bartenders down the pub has a major crush on LA Dodgers slugger Matt Kemp, so much so that I am compelled to notify her immediately (and tease her mercilessly) whenever Kemp comes up to bat on the flatscreen.