Zardoz (1974) (part 14 of 15)

This segment goes on forever, as we continue to see projected images of all the Eternals doing interpretive dance, with moans and shrieks all around. We hear a woman’s voice say, “Afraid?” No, not at all, but thanks for asking. Some of the images, by the way, are now getting that wavy effect like when they used to flashback to stuff on The Jeffersons.

Z-Dawg continues to run around, coming to mirrors, and viewscreens, and mirrors, and viewscreens, before finally getting fed up and shooting his gun. This appears to have no effect. Regardless, we hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir say, “You have destroyed us.” Um, okay. If you say so. You’re the Tabernacle, so I guess you should know, but I didn’t think it would be so easy. I guess all it took to destroy the Tabernacle was running around in a hall of mirrors confused for several minutes, and then shooting in a random direction. Who knew?

“You have found the flaw in the crystal,” the voice says, as we see Z-Dawg bouncing from mirror to mirror, with all the projected images and sounds suddenly gone. “We are gone,” the Tabernacle says. “You are alone.” So Z-Dawg starts shooting his gun a few more times, I guess out of boredom, and he continues running around as we hear his grunts and moans and screams echoing like crazy. Hello hello hello! Echo echo echo!

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Multi-Part Article: Zardoz (1974)

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  • Colinclout

    I’m sorry – for someone who slags off the movie’s script as being v. similar to the ramblings of a pot-addled high-school student, you *do* realize, of course, that what you have here is no better than that? I don’t understand the purpose of this: if the movie is as tedious and tiresome as you say it is, why would someone prefer to read your account of it? – which can’t help but be as equally tedious and tiresome as the movie is, unless enlivened by some real wit (which it isn’t). Pfffffffffft…ahhhhhh

    You do realize, as well, that the situation of The Eternals in the movie functions as a perfect analogy for your own life? I.e., anyone who goes out of their way to recount, in writing, *an entire fucking movie,* shot by shot, scene by scene, with next to no commentary on it apart from saying the equivalent of “Duh?” every once in a while, has *way* too much time on their hands…

    • You idiot

      So says the person who supposedly read through this supposedly tedious recap of a tedious movie and saw fit to leave a slightly long comment about why they didn’t like reading this when you could’ve just, I don’t know, did something else.
      And you say that they’re the one wasting their time.

    • Evilmike42 .

      *munches popcorn*
      Morons never cease to amaze me.

  •  This review gave me more laughs than any movie review I can remember reading ever. And it has significant therapeutic benefit since I watched Zardoz (all the way through) and Ghod help me, get an uncontrollable urge to see it again every few years.

  • Spatula

    This is, hands-down, my favorite review-summary of Zardoz that has ever been written. Every time I read “Friend, for utterly no reason…” I’m just about in tears from laughter.

  • The best thing about Zardoz is its eroticism. It’s filled with tits and beautiful people doing beautiful things. Zardoz is documentary evidence of 70s eroticism in film. It has a cast of hotties and lots interesting sexual subject matter. I feel it also has some of the best social commentary of any science fiction film. I appreciate the references to Blake and Motzart and feel the literary aspect of the film must be informed by the works of Herman Hesse (who was very influential in the ’70s). There are so many brilliant scenes in this movie I can’t believe it. To an audience centered in contemporary cinema, the special effects of this movie seem corny. I never approached this movie with the jaded eye of that audience. The in-camera effects from the early 70s are iconic. This is classic sci-fi from the perfect moment in history. Zardoz is the most extravagant and best example of 1970s science fiction imaginable. It has a wonderful cast of stars and a brilliant director. It is an amazing collaborative accomplishment.

  • Evilmike42 .

    So, basically, its a Bad Star Trek Episode.
    I was waiting for Zed to pull out a communicator and try to contact the Enterprise.
    The old school TOS Enterprise. Cuz Kirk could have hit that Eternal booty too..:)