Nov 1, 2016
You’ll Never Believe Which Washed-Up 90s Star Is Refusing To Vaccinate Her Kids Now!
Jenny McCarthy? Nope! Carmen Electra? Nope! Shannen Doherty? Nope! Tori Spelling? Jessica Simpson? Nope! Sarah Michelle Gellar? Nope! Janet Reno? Nope! Which person is dumbsplaining at you that she feeds her kid soup every day instead of vaccinating him because something something Western medicine and also too anecdotal “evidence” about how vaccines make babies sad sometimes?
Why, it’s Alicia Silverstone, beloved star of Clueless!
And yes, really, miso soup EVERY DAY for the kid.
Alicia Silverstone has revealed that her two-year-old son Bear has never been vaccinated for the usual run of childhood diseases including chickenpox and measles or had a ‘drop of medicine’ because she prefers a natural approach. […]
In an interview with People magazine Ms Silverstone, who is married to musician Christopher Jarecki, says that she feeds her son a light miso soup for breakfast and he has ‘never been sick.’
That kid is going to grow up with the saltiest blandest taste buds ever.
Look, we know there are many people out there who name their children things like “Bear” and subscribe to the salty soup theory of parenting, but most of those people do not get national or international platforms to spew their nonsense. And nonsense it is, as she goes on to explain how to get rid of things like fevers without pesky medicine.
[I]f Bear has a snuffly nose she uses eucalyptus oil to help him breathe more easily and feeds him cooled Japanese ‘ume kuzu tea’ if his temperature runs high. Another thing she recommends is to soak a child’s socks in vinegar or cold water and wrap them around the feet to ‘bring down the fever.’A ‘cooled cabbage leaf on the back of a baby’s head’ is another suggestion.
Why a cooled cabbage leaf?
Why not a cool bit of lettuce? Or kale? Is Alicia Silverstone being paid by the anti-kale lobby? Also, god help that kid if he gets something like a kidney infection that actually requires Western medicine in the form of antibiotics OR YOU COULD DIE.
Oh god, we forgot to tell you about how she fixes earaches.
For earache Ms Silverstone says squeezing ‘a few drops of breast milk’ into an infant’s ear will ‘help alleviate discomfort and clear the tubes.’
Having been quite the connoisseur and practitioner of earaches in our youth, we cannot really figure out how adding more liquid to our ears would have cleared the tubes, but that is probably because we did not have a supporting role in Batman and Robin.
Also, breast milk?? How will she fix the kid’s ears once she stops nursing?
Update: People in the comments tell us the breast milk ear cure might actually be A Thing, but we do not care because we’re never going to stop thinking about the cabbage leaf head part of all this.
Is this some sort of elaborate Joaquin Phoenix performance art type stuff and there will be a big reveal later that it was all a joke? We are probably not that lucky. Sorry, Bear. You will grow into a fevery middle-schooler who has to bring cold cabbage to school when you are feeling unwell and you will have the worst salt cravings anyone has ever had. We feel for you.