You’ll be forever creeped out by Justin Bieber’s “Backpack”, a love song to his alien girlfriend

There’s no doubt that Justin Bieber knows how to craft a song for the ladies of the planet Earth. But perhaps he’s become bored with all these mundane human girls. So what’s the biggest pop star on the planet to do but kidnap an alien and keep her prisoner in his backpack?

You heard me. 2014’s newest awesomely terrible track, “Backpack,” finds Bieber singing to an orphaned extra terrestrial whose entire family died in a crash. The Biebs is too worried his ET cutie might get taken away, so he’s hiding her with his school supplies and Nintendo DS. You know, classic love song stuff.


And just in case you thought you might be misunderstanding the actual meaning of the song, the weird voiced alien girl CHIMES IN at the end of the chorus to confirm that A: she is indeed a tiny alien and B: she is being held against her will.

Justin Bieber just flipped the motherfucking script on alien abductions.

Musically, the song is actually a strong electro-RnB track, and features a bridge from hip hop’s favorite tiny green alien, Lil Wayne. You can bob your head and croon along and for a second this sounds like a good song.

But then that alien girl voice comes in again and you can’t stop picturing Justin Bieber starring in a really disturbing remake of Mac and Me.

It’s doubtful whether Justin Bieber can top the almighty Kanye West when it comes to creepily sexualizing aliens

…and we’re not sure how One Direction will be able to match this unless they drop a track about a microorganism who doesn’t know its semi-permeable membrane is so sexy. Right now, the Biebs has the market cornered on creepy interplanetary interspecies loving, and it will be a long time before he is toppled from his throne.

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