I Did Yoga With Ben Bradlee’s Daughter-In-Law And She Didn’t Even Take Off Her Top

pari bradlee, be ashamed!Last month, at our sister site Terrible News For Terrible People Dot Com, we brought you the story “Howard Kurtz Is A Dumb Asshole.” In it, we wondered why exactly media critic Howard Kurtz, currently at Fox News, had taken it upon himself to play Facebook Picture Scold about the beautiful portraits of Pari Bradlee, a yoga instructor who has never done anything to anybody except have the gall to marry legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee’s son.

ARE THESE PICTURES TOO RISQUE? Asked Howard Kurtz. “ONE GAY MAN COMMENTS ON HER FACEBOOK PAGE THAT HE WOULD STOP BEING GAY! AND HER HUSBAND ‘LIKED’ HER POSTS!” Seriously, Howard Kurtz, go creep on someone else.

So! We are here in Washington DC, and Dana Tai Soon Burgess, who is just the choreographer in residence at the Smithsonian and also the head of theater and dance at GW University, that is all, no big, and who is also one of our two incredibly handsome and charming and sweet and cultured hosts said, “Do you want to go to Pari Bradlee’s Sunday morning yoga class with me at 11 a.m.?” and we said, “well that is one way to pass out while all the toxins leave our poisoned little body,” so we said yes!

(We also fought through some serious 10:25 a.m. Sunday morning doubts about the wisdom of going to Pari Bradlee’s 11 a.m. yoga class still drunk. Why? Because we are a GODDAMN HERO, that is why!)

Ninety minutes later, we had wrung our livers into chocolate-covered pretzels, sweated out every gland in our body, and could smell our own goddamn feet in child’s pose. (Also, we kept just sitting the fuck down right in the middle of everything, because fuck, while Dana Tai Soon Burgess was like, “hmmm, I think now I will do the splits,” the magnificent bastard.)

What we are saying is Pari Bradlee fucked our shit UP, all while intoning spiritual things about letting go that were really very soothing and lovely, we don’t know, we might have passed out.

What we are saying part deux is you all should probably go to Pari Bradlee’s yoga class at Yoga Del Sol in Georgetown, especially if you have beaten your liver into liver and onions, but she’s not going to take her top off probably even though she has just come around and done some ridiculously healing touch right on wherever your problem is (ASS. YOUR PROBLEM IS YOUR ASS), and then you might be sad.

However! If you’re sad you can get your toes done, right next door.

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  • el_donaldo

    But did you want her to? I mean, that’s good enough for me.

  • Mahousu

    But how are you gonna keep ’em down on the farm, after they’ve seen Pari?

    • Buddha Stalin

      Have they been in Pari?

      • ph7

        I’d like to go back to Paris someday and go to the Louvre museumGet a good running start and hurl myself at the wallGoing to hurl myself against the wall’Cause I’d rather feel bad than feel nothing at all

  • kckitty

    I need MOAR coffee before news like this!

  • BigRedDog

    They named downward dog after me.

  • x111e7thst

    I do not want to be sad about my ass

  • docterry6973

    Howard Kurtz hates the facebook posts of the daughter-in-law of some old Nixon opponent. Classy.

  • glasspusher

    I am a terrible person and need my terrible news. Sturm und drang keeps me going.

  • redarmyzombie

    Oh, thank goodness: for a while, I kept misreading that as Bradlee Dean’s daughter in law…

  • FauxAntocles

    Why don’t we get a rundown of the Saturday party? Many of us our stuck with vicarious drinky things!