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ABC's Very Special Dirty Dancing Remake
May 30, 2017
Xanadu (1980) (part 6 of 7)
So, apparently, that dance sequence must’ve have taken up the whole night, because it’s dawn when Sonny and Kira go outside. They make mushy love talk, with Sonny laying the L-word on her (no, not that L-word, come on, now), and they kiss. Again. My foot’s about to go through the screen, I tell you. But then Kira breaks away, saying, “We can’t go on pretending this is for real!” Sonny is baffled—and so am I. She’s a muse! She can make up any reality she wants, as we’ve already seen in graphic detail. Come on, Kira. Does turning into a cartoon bird ring any bells with you?
But Kira goes on to say that she “can’t have these kind of feelings.” Sonny doesn’t understand. Oh, but I do. It’s quite simple.
You see, in order to make a movie out of a plot this paper-thin, some artificial conflict needs to be inserted somewhere. That supposed drama with Sonny hating his job? That was nothing. It got resolved too quickly. So the filmmakers, having satisfied their need to become music video directors, are just now realizing they have a movie without any conflict whatsoever. So they better come up with something, fast!
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LaShawn Wanak
When not burying her face in a book or wiping snot off her preschooler, LaShawn can often be found hunched over her laptop, churning out short stories and cackling madly. She likens bad movies to fried twinkies--greasy, fattening, full of empty calories, and very, very addictive.
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