Wonkette cannot honestly be honest about this Sarah Palin transcript, can she?!
If there’s any part of this new teevee analysizin’ gig we’re happy to leave in the capable warm bosom of our parent blog Wonkette (HI, MOM!), it’s Sarah Palin’s new eponymous online channel.
Poor Rebecca is stuck watching it this Saturday morning because sometimes work sucks even if you’re a funny and charming and beautiful political blogger, but hey, at least our favorite half-term halfwit didn’t disappoint with her comedy ramblings on the evils of Professor Senator Cherokee Princess Elizabeth Warren.
We here at HNTP honestly thought Rebecca had made up this alleged Sarah Palin Channel transcript because she’s all clever and funny like that (charming and beautiful, too), but then we watched the accompanying video clip and holy shit it’s actually verbatim:
Here, let’s transcribe the comedy stylings of a certain internet teevee mogul mama grizzly halfterm governor griftress:
“We believe … wait, I thought fast food joints … wait, don’t you guys think they’re like, of the devil or somethin’? Liberals, you wanna send those evil employees who would dare work at a fast food joint that you just don’t believe in, I thought you wanted to send em to … purgatory or somethin’, till they all go vegan. [Pause for laughter.] … and wages and picket lines they’re not discussed in purgatory, are they? Why are you even worried about fast food wages. Well, we believe an America, minimum wage jobs, they’re not lifetime gigs! They’re stepping stones!”
Wow. The video is even more avant garde with Palin doing her best Ellen-DeGeneres-if-Ellen-DeGeneres-were-suffering-a-stroke impression throughout the whole thing. Go watch. It’s Victoria Jackson levels of unintentional self-parody.
Wonkette > Ghost Saul Alinsky > Ticketmaster > Our Blessed Lord Barack Obama, All Praise Unto Him