May 27, 2020
WND Finds Duggar Daughters’ Secret Of Happy Families. Spoiler: It’s Jesus
Watch, if you can, this video of 21% of the Duggar children as they explain the secret to successful family life, especially how to do dating, or as these gals call it, “courtship,” because only sluts “date.” It’s “dating with a purpose,” they explain, aimed at finding a good Christian man to fill your quiver. And as it happens, the Duggirls — Jinger, Jill, Jessica and Jana — have a book out what is called Growing Up Duggar: It’s All About Relationships, WND would like to remind you, and we are pretty taken with its combination of Barry Williams’s title Growing Up Brady: I Was a Teenage Greg and the most obvious subtitle ever — you mean to say that family life involves relationships? There’s an insight!
We were also rather fascinated by Jean Loudon’s strange verbal slip where she asks “what preempted the book, why did you decide to do it?” But we decided that we wouldn’t make a big deal about it. And we even decided that we wouldn’t make too much of the sisters’ voices, which, even though the family is from
Alabama Akansas, bring to mind what Kurt Vonnegut said about Indianapolis accents, “where common speech sounds like a band saw cutting galvanized tin.”
The WND puff piece also reminds us that the new season of the Duggars TV series, Ten Thousand Maniacs and Counting, will be premiering on April 1, and that this season features some heavy-duty courtin’ and Godliness. We learn that WND caught up with the Duggar daughters at CPAC, which is kind of like a rightwing BronyCon but with more furtive shameful gay sex, and notes that the sisters were “attired modestly but charmingly in floor-length skirts,” unlike all the slutty slut girls on teevee these days.
Anyway, even though this may cut into our book kickback if any of you were insane enough to click the Amazon clicky, the secret to a happy home turns out to be humility and having a good relationship with the most important person in your family, which is Jesus:
“I hope this book will really be an encouragement to young ladies, to know that through the difficult times, through good and bad, that God is always there for them,” she said.
“And we understand,” she added, “we’re normal girls and have the same struggles and the same challenges, just like anyone else. But, if you turn your heart completely to the Lord, He will definitely help and be there for you.”
Because you can always trust the voices that talk back to you in your head. Also, another important element of Duggar Family Harmony is to never make any pointed comparisons between Mom and a clown car.