NCAA Tournament: We Will Not Win Warren Buffett’s Sportsball Billion, Hunt People As Most Dangerous Game

NCAA Tournament: We Will Not Win Warren Buffett's Sportsball Billion, Hunt People As Most Dangerous GameIn 1997 the Cleveland Indians were just three outs from their first championship since the Truman Administration. Then Josa Mesa happened. In the bottom of the ninth of game seven, Mesa gave up a tying run to the Florida Marins. Two innings later, the Marlins would snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and crush the hopes and dreams of the Cleveland faithful.

Today, we are all Cleveland fans because we now understand the devastation of watching a tremendous achievement slip through our fingers. The only thing worse would be feeling this way and while suffering the indignity of living in northeast Ohio. Our perfect, billion dollar-winning bracket was busted wide open yesterday, ruined by Ohio State’s, Cincinnati’s, St. Joseph’s, N.C. State’s, BYU’s, and Oklahoma’s inability to win like we had predicted they would.

So, what does that mean? It means we won’t win Warren Buffett’s money, buy and island, and hunt Kelsey Grammar’s ex-wife as the most dangerous game. It also means we can put to bed this joke about hunting people as the most dangerous game. It kind of got old really quick anyway.

You might be asking yourself, now that the billion dollars is off the table, how is the battle between Team Bandcamp (South and East brackets) and Team Sportsball (West and Midwest) shaping up at the NCAA tournament’s first day? We are all square.

Team Bandcamp: 5-3

Team Sportsball: 5-3

Bandcamp may have slight edge on paper after day one because Sportsball picked the Sooners to go the Sweet 16, but they lost to freaking North Dakota State yesterday. None of Bandcamp’s losing teams yesterday were going deeper than the Round of 32.

However, your editrix Rebecca’s deep abiding love of the underdog led her to pick #11 Providence over #6 North Carolina and, even more improbably, #14 N.C. Central over #3 Iowa State in today’s first round match-ups. Then she has N.C. Central advancing to the Sweet 16. Could Providence upset UNC? Sure. But N.C. Central over both Iowa State and then a post-Tar Hell upset Providence? This is an upset scenario too far. You will forgive the overconfidence, but those things happen, your sportsball correspondent will don leather chaps and allow Editrix Rebecca to publicly flog him at the next Folsom Street Fair (or similar event) with her Wonket whip thing.

Speaking of upsets, let’s clear up some controversy about our bracket’s no #16 beating a #1 rule. This is the 30th tournament since expanding to 64 teams and fielding 16-seeds. In that time, 16-seeds are a combined 0-117 including Florida’s win yesterday over Albany. Yes, upsets happen and long-shots pay out. Occasionally. However, despite #16 Princeton’s one-point loss to #1 Georgetown in 1989 and #16 Murray State’s overtime loss to #1 Michigan State in 1990, betting on #16 to do anything more than beat the spread is folly.

It would be like predicting Don Lemon is right about that missing jet. And Don Lemon is absolutely not right. Even the Daily Caller is making fun of Don Lemon for that. Which is why no #16 upsets were allowed in the HNTP bracket. We don’t want the Daily Caller laughing at us, now do we?

LATE BREAKING UPDATE: Ours and yours and everyone else’s bracket just went to hell with Duke losing to Mercer 78-71. Damn.

You may also like...

  • beavertank

    I’m not proud of much when it comes to my alma mater, and I never cared at all about their sports teams while I was a student there, but it does amuse me to no end that my little North Dakota State University has upset so many people’s sports betting dreams.

  • Tell me more about this flogging. I am a big sportsball fan, is all

  • msanthropesmr

    No one wins a Billion – there are already no perfect brackets in the grand challenge as far as I can tell.ETA: Whoops. Spoke too soon for the Schadenfreud. Apparently there are still 18 people with perfect picks left.ETA2: They’ve all fallen. No one gets the Billion.

  • mtn_philosoph

    What is this “bracketology” that you speak of? Is it related to the brisketology that is a culinary element of an ethnically-inspired holiday observed in North America during the same month?(Sorry, no indoor bouncy sportsball followed in this household, because former hippie freaks*. (Now just freaks.))(* Somehow, and for inexplicable reasons, this has not prevented both of us from developing an interest in autumnal prolate spheroid sportsball as adults. Or interfered with our mutually-shared lifelong passion for small hard summertime sportsball-with-big-thick-sticks. Go figure. In any event, to each his/her own.)

  • glasspusher

    You are quite right about the Indians. If Hargrove had left Brian Anderson in, the Fish never would have won it. I’m a Hubsox fan, but was in grad school in Cleveland at the time, and felt bad for the city.