Wild Wild West (1999) (part 8 of 11)

With Loveless gone, Jim demands Gordon remove the collar. Gordon can’t find his tools, but he does find a note from Loveless in his pocket, explaining that they’ll remain alive as long as they stay within the shin-high fence. Jim, being the dumbass that he is, immediately steps over the wire and prompts Gordon to follow. Unfortunately for him, this makes the penis-mobile long and hard (really, it does), and it ejaculates… er, fires two of those spider-logo buzz saws we saw at the start of the film. This forces Jim and Gordon to run into the cornfield.

Okay, now this has to be the film’s most retarded scene, and that says a lot. It gets so much basic high school physics wrong that it should be shown alongside The Core in schools just as learning aids, as an example of how not to film an action scene.

Basically, Gordon and Jim run through the cornfield to dodge the blades, which are drawn to the giant magnetic collars on their necks. However, the saws aren’t so much attracted to the collars as they are flying through the air like goddamn UFOs. And the magnets must have unique frequencies, because it’s a one-to-one deal here. If the saws were truly magnetic, you’d think each saw would be attracted to the closest collar. Nope. Each saw only follows one collar. This is enough to make Carl Sagan weep for humanity again.

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Multi-Part Article: Wild Wild West (1999)

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