Wild Wild West (1999) (part 5 of 11)

Cut to a mansion, where guests are arriving at the party in their horse-drawn carriages. As one carriage departs, Jim falls down from the underside and rolls across the ground—where people can clearly see him, thus defeating the purpose of hiding underneath the carriage. After an unremarkable encounter with a guard, Jim climbs up the outside wall of the mansion to a second floor balcony, entering through a conveniently open door.

As Jim passes through, he hears a commotion in a neighboring room, and covertly investigates. He sees three of the lovely ladies who accompanied Kenneth Branagh in West Virginia walk in with… hey, isn’t that the uber-hottie saloon girl that Kline shoved away back at Fat-Can’s? Why, yes it is. And lookie here, she’s played by Salma Hayek, whose performance in this film rings with the conviction and energy of a microwaved chicken nugget.

The other three girls are trying to convince her to be a bondage girl for Branagh, something she strangely resists, considering she was working as a whore back at Fat-Can’s. Jim, ever the hero of the damsel in distress, walks out without batting an eye.

Caption contributed by Gareth

Whatever you imagine going on here is sure to have an infinitely better plot than this movie.

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Multi-Part Article: Wild Wild West (1999)

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