The Walking Dead RECAP: Our house... is a very, very, very vile house (S5:E3)

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What did I tell you? Rotten, tainted Bob meat is causing the Termites distress right to start the episode. You should never doubt me.

I also just want to preface this Walking Dead recap by saying that I took a lot of pleasure in the slaughter that happened near the end of the episode. I’m a bit ashamed and a bit worried about what that says about my character. At the same time, I’m certainly going to watch it again, and I’m excited to see Martin bite it over and over. Spoiler alert.


Anyway, we start this episode around the campfire that closed last episode. The Termites, led by a very chatty Gareth, are chomping down on Bob’s leg and gloating about how they have the upper hand. Then Bob reveals his bite and laughs maniacally.

I love Bob. Notice I’m not calling him Drunken Bob. It’s out of respect. When a guy loses a leg and finds himself condemned to die, I guess I turn into a big softie. No worries though, that preface wasn’t a lie.

While this is happening, Rick, Tyreese and Sasha are out looking for their missing members. That includes Daryl and Carol, who are missing right along with Bob and most likely facing extreme danger. The last point is probably correct across the board, but D&C are off on their joyride at this point.

The group returns to the church empty handed and instantly confront Gabriel about what he knows. It’s a nice parallel to what happened to the Termites in the season premiere flashbacks. The cycle has turned Rick’s team into a mass of paranoid desperation. They’re just not as desperate as Gareth’s Termites yet.

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Gabriel opens up once there is a knife in his face, letting it be known that he has nothing to do with the missing people. His crimes are bit more shameful because he locked his own congregation out of the church when the zombies first started to march around. They clawed, grabbed, and tore at the windows to try and get into the church, but all they managed to do was attract the dead and seal their doom. Gabriel watched the carnage from inside and felt damned ever since. If there ever was a reason to tell someone to burn, that’s probably it.

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With Gabriel off the hook, the team is back at square one for a moment, just not for long. Bob gets dropped off in front of the church, and the Grimes crew heads out to save him. The Termites take a few shots from the darkness, but the real threat is the zombies that are making their way to the front doors. They get dispatched, but it’s a reminder about how they’re always lurking around. Just like herpes.

Bob is still coherent and manages to update all the characters on all of the plot points floating around. He even tells them about Carol and Daryl driving off after the cross car because Gareth happens to mention it during his evil villain speech at the top of the episode. The guy just loves to hear himself.

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Now Rick knows who they’re up against and starts to form a plan. The sticking point is Abraham. He’s ready to jet off to Washington, D.C., to save the world and isn’t ready to sit around to get murdered by a bunch of crazy Georgia cannibals. He’s leaving with Rosita and Eugene, and he wants Glen and Maggie. That’s a no-go for Rick; he’s not splitting people up again or leaving Daryl and Carol behind.


The thing is, it’s not his choice. Glen steps up with Maggie and Tara to offer their services to Abraham for his D.C. trip. In exchange, he’s got to stay and help with the Termites. A deal is reached, the proper forms are signed, and the plan to deal with their enemies is lined up.

Rick and a small team head out to confront the Termites on their own ground. The Termites are watching the whole time and enter the church to take out those left behind. This leads to a tense moment inside the church with Gareth threatening the folks locked in the church office, including innocent baby Judith.

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“PEW! PEW! PEW! It’s a pun, get it? ‘Cause I’m in a church and holding a gun… Aw, forget it.”

I know I gloated about being right in the opening paragraph, but I was wrong about the Termites in my premiere recap. I made note that the show was doing its best to paint them as sympathetic villains to make the viewer feel bad when their world is destroyed. Bullshit. These bastards are just the worst kind of people, and they prove it when they threaten to eat the baby after shooting the doors off the church office. That’d be why I really loved what happened next.

Turns out that Rick knew they’d be watching and waited for them to enter the church. It was a cunning trap, and it worked to perfection. Two of the Termites are shot right off the bat, but the others get it a bit worse. Rick Grimes doesn’t like to waste his bullets.

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Gareth talks about begging for his life, but Rick reminds him that he told Bob that he would “do it to anyone.” He’s beyond saving AND Rick still has a promise to keep.

Rick, Sasha, Abraham, and Michonne start hacking and smacking the Termites. Maggie, Tara, and Glen look on in shock and seem to have a hard time grasping the brutality they are seeing from the people they call friends. Rick turns Gareth into a meat salad, and Sasha puts an end to that prick Martin. I hated you most of all, Martin. Go fuck yourself.

The aftermath gives the episode its name. Gabriel exits the office to see the bloody corpses all around the church, saying in shock, “This is the Lord’s house.” Then Maggie lets him in on a little truth: “It’s just four walls and a roof.” Great stuff.

After murdering people, everyone is back to smiles and good vibes in order to say goodbye to Bob. The bite started the clock to countdown his time left on the show, and this is his send off.

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Everyone gives their final words to Bob, and Sasha has Tyreese do the deed for her. Bob stops breathing, and Tyreese slips the knife into his temple, ending Drunksdale’s time on the show and trading one Wire alum for another. We’re back to two. WHERE’S WALLACE?!?


The group works on burying Bob, but also says farewell to Abraham’s D.C. off-shoot. They’re all packing into the party bus and hitting the road, leaving a map for Rick in case he finally decides to follow them north. The map also has a great note from Abraham, apologizing for being an asshole and saying that “the new world’s gonna need Rick Grimes.” Just don’t tell the new world what he did in the old world. Exiling friends, chopping up enemies, and talking to his dead wife on the telephone. They might frown upon that sort of thing.

Everything seems peaceful for a second, and Michonne shares a moment with Gabriel on the steps of the church. Some movement in the woods causes her to investigate, and she comes upon Daryl. He looks worried as hell and dirty, not to mention he clearly doesn’t have the car. Michonne asks about Carol, and he motions to someone to come out before the episode comes to an end.

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In the preview, we’re treated to a large Beth episode. She’s in a hospital room, running around with a scalpel and kinda mirroring Rick from the very first episode of the series. I’m excited to see what happens, particularly because Beth’s kidnapping was the only really big mystery from the end of last season. Terminus was guaranteed to be a false hope, but the cross car was a surprise. Let’s see where it goes, shall we?

TV Show: The Walking Dead

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