No Violence Reported at National Marbles Championship

No Violence Reported at National Marbles Championship

No gunshots were fired, no fisticuffs took place, and no bombings, death threats, or knife fights occurred at the 91st Annual National Marbles Championship in Wildwood, New Jersey. Two Maryland teens, Marilyn Fisher and Dominic Rudakevych, took the crowns as king and queen of marbles, but neglected to punch anyone in the face or shout, “Oh now it’s on, bitch!” while taking off their earrings/greasing up their faces/turning their rings around/giving their purses to friends. The Associated Press was on the non-gruesome/un-disturbing/not sad scene immediately:


Forty-two boys and girls competed in the event, in which contestants shoot 13 target marbles outside a circle while trying to keep the shooter marble inside the ring.

Fisher defeated Kelsey Baran of Allegheny County, Pennsylvania, to become queen of the tournament. Her brother was boys’ champion last year.

Rudakevych beat Luke Gaffigan.

We have no hard data to support this, but we are pretty sure this is the 91st year in a row in which no violence, gang-related or otherwise, has been reported at the National Marbles Championship. It should be noted that Rudakevych said he enjoys the suspense of the game, whereas Fisher “appreciates the skill needed to win.” Neither one said anything about avenging the blood of his/her ancestors/busting a cap in some fool’s ass.

There will also be no violence at the 92nd Annual National Marbles Championships next year in Wildwood, New Jersey.

[WJLA/Associated Press]

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