Jul 8, 2014
Veep Recap: A Field Trip To Merry Olde England
Amy’s got Machiavellian skillz to pay the proverbial billz, Selina wears a silly hat, and Dan’s heart literally (figuratively) explodes in his chest on this week’s episode of Veep. The whole episode takes place in Jollye Olde Englande, and if you were hoping to hear Jonah’s version of a Cockney accent, you are in so much luck! Veep recap, ahoy!
So Selina’s over in Foggy London Towne and she gets her knickers into a twisted spot of bother over a couple things we’ll cover in a minute. But first, we see bug-eyed Dan Egan in a hotel room, with a Bluetooth piece in his ear and an oversized Red Bull in his hands. Dan is WIRED right now, y’know what I mean? Like, REALLY FEELIN’ IT. He is shouting into his Bluetooth, which is piping his voice back across the Atlantic to Selina’s assembled campaign staff, led by Sue and Kent. Dan’s basically spitballing here, and he’s more than a little off his game, trying to move Selina’s campaign forward one meaningless photo op at a time.
Meanwhile, Selina’s walking around a dinner party with Gary and Ben, and Ben is, apparently, still somehow the White House Chief of Staff? Or something, because he’s got the skinny on why Selina’s making this trip to honor our Special Relationship, rather than POTUS doing it. It’s exposition, okay? To make a cogent narrative omelet, sometimes you need to break some character arcs. We also meet this week’s Special Guest Foreign Politician, some tall British guy, whatever.
Far from the madding dinner party crowd, Mike’s working on a speech commemorating the Great War’s centennial, and he is curiously passionate about his work. Amy is sitting nearby, and she’s kinda impressed by Mike’s newfound ability to write. Not too impresssed, though.
Death, glory, folly, tragedy, it’s got all the four main mood groups.
What is Amy doing at this point? Oh, y’know, Chief of Staff stuff, it’s all in one of those big, leather-bound notebook holder thingies that make you look perfeshunul, don’t ask so many questions, okay? Amy is simply doing what the Veep would want her to do, that’s all you need to know for right now. Then Ben enters and informs us that Ray (Selina’s sexxxytimes personal trainer, played by Christopher Meloni) is talking to “a woman from the Bank of England.”
Ray: Y’know, because money is just a concept, y’know, we believe in it because we’re too scared not to. There’s no intrinsic value to it, y’know, like muscles in your arms.
Bank of England woman: Okay, well, I think that’s quite a superficial analysis…
Ray: You know what intrinsic means?
Bank of England woman: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah, I try to learn a word a day. I love words, very ardently.
Sadly, this will (probably?) be the last episode in which we see Ray. Why? KEEP READING, THAT’S WHY.
Selina is talking to Tall British Politician Guy, and he’s giving her a bit of the ol’ Prime Ministers Questions about American spying. TOPICAL LIKE AN OINTMENT, YO. Then there’s a smash cut to Amy speaking in a British accent, and we melted into our couch, because we are in love with Amy. And then Dan walks in and introduces us to one of this week’s plot points: Selina is “bleeding blue collars,” and Dan’s plan is to “make her look folksy in a London pub,” because nothing goes over in the Rust Belt like transatlantic flights and piss-warm beer.
Mike: Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said, ‘Dan’s a fuckin’ terrible campaign manager?’
Amy: I would like to shoot him, but there are no guns in this country.
After a quick, obligatory establishing shot of Big Ben and a double-decker bus, we see Jonah speaking into his cell phone while standing in a line, or a “queue” as it’s sometimes (always) known in Her Majesty’s Right and Proper Capital Citie. Jonah’s Cockney accent is about what you’d expect from a middle school production of “Oliver!” which reminds us that we once played The Artful Dodger and we hope that there are no video recordings of that. Kent walks by, he insults Jonah, and Jonah shrugs it off, because Jonah is discovering that bullies can only hurt your feelings if you let them.
Then Selina’s in a pub, and she and Tall British Politician are making horrible small talk. Then the Veep strikes up a conversation with the barkeep, and she can’t understand a word he’s saying, because he’s British and because they call soccer “football” like a bunch of animals. Anyway, barkeep invites Selina back behind the counter where she can pour people beers like a certain carpetbagging Senator Dreamy, and then there’s a joke about “Danniwah!” which is British for “Down in one!” which is how they say “Chug!” over there because, again, it is an entire island of fucking savages.
Back in Selina’s hotel room, she’s trying to find just the right hat for the big speech Mike is writing. In so doing, she’s ignoring one of the first rules of political campaigning: never, ever let the candidate appear in a hat if you can possibly help it. Gary selects a small fascinator-type hat thingy on a tiny headband, but Ray has different instincts.
Selina: What do you think, the bigger one? …I don’t know, what do you think?
Ray: I think it’s London, and Britain is the kingdom of the hats.
Gary: Never heard that phrase.
Ray: It’s a well-known phrase.
Gary: Is it?
This sartorial insight apparently makes Selina all tingly in her bathing suit area, and she jumps onto the bed with Ray and starts dirty-talking while Gary is still in the room. It is fantastic.
Meanwhile, Dan is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, pounding Red Bull and pretending to have a conversation in a hotel hallway. Mike and Amy find this troubling, but for now, Team Veep is focused on the speech Selina needs to give. And of course, Ray decides he has a few tweaks he’d like to see, and Selina tells her team to go with it, because Selina is terrible. The team sees this, correctly, as a terrible idea, but it’s exactly the break Amy’s been waiting for.
Amy excuses herself and calls Jonah, using a British accent to disguise her voice. Jonah is totally turned on by Amy’s accent, and we are too, and not just because Amy has given Jonah a scoop that will ensure this is Ray’s final week on Team Veep.
Selina goes to deliver her speech about World War I, and she’s gone with Ray’s edits along with Ray’s hat choice, and oh what a hat it is. At the same time, Jonah meets up with a member of the British press and reveals that Ray once went a-blogging with some really, really weird thoughts about what makes people fat. The British journo plans to ambush Selina with a bunch of fat children dressed up as devils, which would have been awesome but doesn’t appear on camera.
Instead, the British press corps springs Ray’s musings on Selina during a joint presser with Tall British Politician, and Selina stumbles as she always does when she’s asked to think on her feet. Team Veep watches in horror, while Amy pretends to have no idea what’s going on. Dan, meanwhile, loses it completely and collapses. Amy takes him to the hospital, in a fun reversal of that time Dan accompanied Amy to a hospital back in D.C.
Kent takes Ray aside and tells him that he’s done, that his services will no longer be needed on Team Veep, that Team Veep is moving in a different direction. Ray is just not hearing it, and Kent keeps looking for smaller and smaller words to help Ray understand that he’s fired. Selina returns to the hotel, enraged that she’s forced to once again talk about obesity.
Why am I in London talking about my enormous, jiggly-ass ass? […]Fat people don’t even vote. They can’t even be bothered to get out of the house. There’s no food in the voting booth, y’know?
The Veep decides to cut bait on this whole London trip, and she heads to the airport. In the car, Gary spills the beans that the only reason Ray was around was because “Dan hired him as a sex slave.” This pisses Selina right off, and she decides to fire Dan immediately.
In the hospital, Dan is telling Amy that she’s a true friend, and she lets him believe this because she is smart. Then Jonah shows up.
Dan: What the fuck are you doing here, Jonah? What, are you molesting coma patients?
Jonah: Is that a thing? I might now. Maybe I’ll just put ’em in some funny hats! No, I’m just here because I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you had a massive nervous breakdown…I also wanted to tell you that I’m the one that broke you. Because I broke that personal trainer story. That was me.
And then Amy breaks the news that Dan’s been fired. And then Sue and Kent fight and are maybe not dating anymore? We cannot tell what is going on here. Anyway, Amy’s the new campaign manager, because she’s a genius, and Ray’s flying coach back to the United States, because he’s not.
Catch up in the archives