VIDEO: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

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The vampires are back, and more sparkly than ever. Will Bella be able to get over Edward? Will Jacob give up shirts altogether? Do you even care? Il Neige sure doesn’t, but that’s not gonna stop him from sitting through this two-hour mess of a sequel.

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Tag: Twilight

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  • Richard Eriksson Hjelm

    Aargh!!!! This movie series is worse than the star wars prequels.

    • CaptainCalvinCat

      Nooo. this movie is worse than the incredible Hulk Movies, hence I liked even the prequels of the lucas-esque epos.

      • Thomas Stockel

        I thought Norton’s Hulk movie wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great or anything, but it was a lot more entertaining than Ang Lee’s disaster. Lee didn’t seem to get that people who go to see a super hero movie want to see some violence. The action sequences in Lee’s movie seemed like an afterthought.

  • Oh, don’t worry. Even if you’re a girl and you understand them on some level, these movies are still screwed up and stupid. Good review, interesting to see a guy’s solo take on it.

    • FullofQuestions1

      I’ll add to that (I don’t know your age) and say that even if you’re an 18-year-old girl who was 12 when the book was first out, this is still screwed up and stupid. I actually find it insulting when people say that it’s stupid teenagers who like this stuff.

      But anyway, this was a very funny video, I laughed the whole way through. Especially loved the part about building up a tolerance.

      • Guest

        I can see why you’d be offended, but you seem far above average on the intelligence scale. You got tired of “House” when many retirement age folks never did!

  • CaptainCalvinCat

    And the Twilight-Movie got sequel, after sequel, after sequel, while being shitty.
    A movie like “Eragon” – which was granted: not good, but hands down not as bad as Twilight – was buried after its first installment.

    Plus: Christopher Heyerdal, why are you in this? Honestly, you did two exceptional good jobs in Stargate:Atlantis (Todd and Halling) and two exceptional good jobs in Sanctuary (Bigfoot and John Druit). Gnnngh.

    • Tim Terrell

      No one cared about the Eragon movie. But millions love Twilight. That is why one got sequels and the other didn’t. Twilight speaks to millions of women. Eragon speaks to no one older than 11 years old.

      • CaptainCalvinCat

        Hey, cool, i am the oldest 11 years old of all time, then. ^^

      • Garrett Snook

        From what I can tell, the Twilight movies also followed the books more closely. Every other day, i get a comment on my Eragon review complaining about overlooked plot points or the fact that Sienna Guillory’s character didn’t have pointy ears.

  • Thomas Stockel

    I think that, if anything good came out of the Twilight books being published, it is being able to watch funny reviews like this. I for one appreciate you going through hell watching this crap, Neige

  • Anon

    Honestly, if you’re going to call New Moon pointless then you’ll have no word left to describe Eclipse. New Moon does have a bit of a plot, it’s not a good plot by any means but it is there.
    Whereas in Eclipse, Victoria dies and that’s it. Literally nothing else happens (and I don’t throw around the word ‘literally’) it’s two hours of nothing happening. They could have put her death in the end of New Moon instead and not made Eclipse at all and the series would be exactly the same but shorter.
    Not that New Moon should in any way be defended, it’s possibly the worst of the bunch for appalling messages what with Edward not wanting to live without Bella, Bella being unable to function without Edward and making no attempt to move on with her life and the werewolf who slashed his girlfriend’s face open in a fit of temper but said he was sorry so it’s all okay.
    Twilight makes me feel sad and tired, it really does. Enjoy Harry Potter, you’ve earned it.

    • Garrett Snook

      I actually look at New Moon and Eclipse as two parts of the same
      chapter. New Moon is all set up and exposition, Eclipse is action, but
      you’re right. Apart from the action sequence at the end, Eclipse
      doesn’t have much of a plot either.

  • robert roy

    this movie is very stupid and sucks

  • Tim Terrell

    This had me cracking up. I thought this wouldn’t have anything new to say about the franchise, but you made a lot of great points. The only thing that was flawed was your rationalization for the 45 endings to Return of the King. There was no excuse for that whatsoever.

    • Garrett Snook

      Oh, I agree that it drags on forever, but I still think it’s justified,
      considering the plot threads they had to resolve. I hear it’s more
      bearable when you look at all of the Lord of the Rings as one movie. I
      can’t really say if that’s true or not though, since I’ve never managed a
      full marathon.