Twilight (2008) (part 3 of 9)

Cut to later. Bella, Charlie, and the Moustache are having dinner at a local diner. Here the waitress takes the opportunity to tell Bella how good-looking she is. Fuck, even the middle-aged women in this town find her hot! Now that’s just wrong.

Caption contributed by The Mud Puppy

“Hey, Dad? How long before I can grow a sweet ’stache like yours?”

They’re also briefly intruded upon by a frankly creepy-looking bald guy who reminds Bella that he played Santa once when she was four. He then leaves, now that we know he exists.

That night at Bella’s new home, she’s up in her room talking to her mother on the phone. And—wow, there are some really cool little dragonfly-shaped fairy lights just behind her! I want them! Oh, fine, I’ll get on with it.

Bella quickly deduces that her poor scatterbrained mum is using a payphone, and Mum explains that she’s lost her mobile—argh, her cell phone charger. Because she’s so scatterbrained. We wouldn’t want you to forget that or anything, guys. It’s really important that this minor side character beat us over the head with her one personality trait every time we see her.

Caption contributed by The Mud Puppy

“Sorry about leaving you in Forks, honey, but as soon as I get Jack Bauer off my trail we can be together again!”

Anyway, Mum then goes on to ask about the new school, and Bella haltingly says that everyone’s been… very… welcoming. Mum deduces that something’s up, because Kristen Stewart is actually acting here, and replies with, “Oh dear, tell me all about it.” Give the movie another point for making me chuckle.

Bella brushes her off with the old homework excuse, and we enter—brace yourselves—another musical montage!

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Multi-Part Article: Twilight (2008)

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