Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) (part 9 of 11)

Dylan escapes and goes running, shouting about the Autobots. The Decepticons hear this and order all the bridges along the river to be raised, though why they didn’t just raze them is beyond me.

The NESTies show up at this point, just as Sam, Carly and Bumblebee are sorting themselves out. Then the Autobots arrive as Sam finds a crashed military drone. They’re able to use this to contact Mearing and Lennox back at a nearby military base. Apparently the Decepticons were too busy blowing up civilians to worry about a military target. Anyhow, despite the fact that we’re explicitly told in an earlier scene that the satellites are down, Lennox asks for GPS coordinates of the building where the main pillar is located and he and his team head out.

We then watch as the various groups move in, trying to get to the pillar. Sam and Epps and friends move in on foot with a rocket launcher that has exactly one shot. You know, I’m all in favor of cutting back on defense spending, but there is a limit…

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Anyhow, the Autobots drive in, of course, and back at base we see Lennox giving a pep talk to his troops, which includes one very prominently featured soldier who the camera focuses on extensively in a couple scenes, then forgets completely.

Caption contributed by The Wily Badger

At least this time the black guy didn’t die first.

Now I do have to kind of question the logic being displayed here. First off, the soldiers plan to “wing-suit” in, which is like skydiving as envisioned by Rocky the Flying Squirrel. It’s not fast, and they aren’t armored, which would make them insanely easy targets. Later on in the movie, we see that a SEAL team has managed to get into the city by swimming up river.

This begs a few questions. Why didn’t the other soldiers get in the same way? If they don’t have training, which they probably don’t, why weren’t more SEALs sent in to get the job done? Ignoring all that, the real big question is: if they can get this close, why didn’t they just deliver a nuke and destroy the city? Yes, they would have killed everyone the Decepticons didn’t, but they would have also killed the Decepticons and destroyed the pillar, thus ending the threat to Earth. You kill maybe a couple hundred thousand and save about seven billion. I think that’s acceptable. After all, as someone once said, the needs of the many… well, you know the rest.

Back to the story. We see the Autobots driving through the ruins of Chicago. As they do, Shockwave pops up and attacks Optimus. This one and only time in the movie, Shockwave actually looks like his G1 form and looks pretty cool. The rest of the time he’s on screen he’s apparently that snake-bot thing. Also, he doesn’t speak, he only growls.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) (part 9 of 11)

You know, has anyone else noticed that when the Autobots communicate, except Bumblebee who is a stupid exception, they do so by talking? But at least half the Decepticons just growl. Very odd. It’s especially odd with Shockwave who, as I recall from G1, was supposed to be a great military strategist and genius.

In the process of coming up out of the ground, Shockwave knocks Optimus’ trailer off the rest of him. This is, apparently, an issue, since Optimus draws attention to it as everyone gathers in what seems to be a church or something.

Caption contributed by The Wily Badger

For their sake, let’s hope no one blinks.

Optimus sends the Wreckers off to create a diversion, while Epps and company spot a building in the distance and decide to head for it, so that they can get high up and have a better shot at the pillar with their little rocket launcher. That the building is tilting at a severe angle seems to escape everyone’s notice.

Caption contributed by The Wily Badger

The final victim of the Crimson Permanent Assurance.

As everyone gets ready to go, Que, a robot who looks somewhat like Einstein and is apparently supposed to be Wheeljack from G1, hands out weapons to the humans in the forms of bombs and grapnels. Yes, his name is Que and he makes gadgets. Ha. Ha. Having him voiced by John de Lancie might have been funny.

Our heroes then head out, with the Wreckers leading the assault to distract Shockwave and everyone else, as Epps and crew head into the building. I notice as they do that the lights are still on.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) (part 9 of 11)

Apparently cutting off power to the city wasn’t a big priority for the Decepticons.

Up in the air we see Lennox and his men arriving in big, slow moving, prop planes, and, remarkably, only four of them get shot down by the Decepticons. Why they didn’t have anything in the way of, say, a hundred fighter jets for air cover is beyond me.

Once the planes are in position the guys jump out in their flying squirrel outfits, and I’ll admit that it does look pretty cool. I’m not the only one to think so, since Michael Bay said the only reason he wanted them in the movie is because he thought they would look cool, too. This is pretty obvious given the fact that there’s no reason for them to be used. We see later, as mentioned, that SEAL teams apparently have no problem reaching the city. If they’d put in a few lines about the harbor being mined or shown some Decepticon subs, then maybe there’d be a reason for these suicidal suits, but as it is? No, other than “it looks cool,” and that’s just not enough, not when your own movie establishes that there’s already a better way to do something. I mean, this is just basic filmmaking! Michael Bay really has no clue how to make movies that are something more than just big FX extravaganzas and—

Caption contributed by The Wily Badger

Get on with it!

Wait, that joke again? Okay, fine, fine.

Epps and his people get into position in the severely-leaning building. Apparently the Decepticons know they’re in there, since they start shooting at the building, trying to get it collapse. Then they stop, and some random Decepticon goes in and snoops around, looking for the humans. One of them throws a grenade at him, and then everyone goes out the window and starts sliding down the glass, which puts me in mind of some other movie…

Caption contributed by The Wily Badger

Not funny when Richard Pryor did it, not funny here.

They eventually get the idea of shooting the glass, which works, and everyone drops into one of the office floors. Unfortunately, this office floor has no interior walls, so they all slide down the inside, with one person and several bits of office stuff falling out a window. The debris falls past Shockwave, and for reasons unclear to me, it falls past him in slo-mo.

Caption contributed by The Wily Badger

This movie would be at least 20 minutes shorter without all the unnecessary slo-mo.

Shockwave figures out that there’s something going on, and summons the snake-bot (which now looks like it isn’t a part of him, though this still isn’t made clear), and has it attack the building by wrapping itself around it like a boa constrictor. Inside there’s much chaos and, I notice, there’s also still electricity. Seriously, whoever did the wiring for that building deserves a medal.

Multi-Part Article: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

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