Apr 27, 2018
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) (part 6 of 11)
Simmons is told that Sam has been trying to reach him. The two talk, and Sam convinces Simmons to get involved, which he does after changing clothes and heading to visit Sam. There’s a brief cutaway to Sentinel and Optimus talking, then back to Sam’s apartment where Simmons is working alongside Dutch and Sam.
As they work, Bruce shows up for some reason. He gives Sam some papers and then proceeds to shadow box Bumblebee. This all makes as much sense as you’d expect. He then leaves, just in time for Carly to show up. Dutch gets ordered to frisk her, but then that doesn’t happen. Simmons makes some taunting comment to Dutch about missing his chance, to which Dutch replies that he has a girlfriend. In true 8th grade dick mode, Simmons asks for her name and Dutch makes up something fake.
So, really, again, we have no real purpose to a scene beyond stupid antics. Any information given was minimal and could have been handled better. So we trim this, removing another 3 minutes and 30 seconds, bringing us to a grand total of 14 minutes and 25 seconds trimmed from the movie.
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At the end of the scene, Carly starts bitching about how she doesn’t want to see Sam go off and get killed (putting her in the minority), and then heads off to a party at her boss’ place. Before she does, she takes the rabbit she’d given Sam and rips a leg off it, handing it to him. Well, I guess that’s better than boiling it in a pot.
Simmons commiserates a bit with Sam, and then they go driving off to find some Russian cosmonauts. As they do, Simmons makes special mention of the fact that they are riding in a Maybach. Yes, the only thing better than product placement is blatant product placement!
They track down the cosmonauts pretty easily, and spend time observing them through insanely large, likely insanely powerful, binoculars. The kind you’d probably want to use if you were looking at something a mile or two away. Instead here, the targets are about twenty feet from them.
Sam and crew follow the cosmonauts into a bar, where we see one of them is played by noted character actor Elya Baskin, presumably killing time while waiting for Robin Williams to phone him about Moscow on the Hudson 2: Vladimir’s Revenge.
There’s some brief conversation and then things very suddenly go downhill, with guns being pulled and a woman “hilariously” sticking her pistol right against Simmons’ nose.
As this happens, we see Dutch start to twitch, then suddenly pull off a disarming move and wind up with a shotgun in one hand and a pistol in the other. Simmons calms him down and Dutch begins apologizing, mumbling about that being “the old me,” as I roll my eyes once more.
Once things calm down, Sam, Simmons and the cosmonauts move to a private room where they look over some photos from Luna 4, because as we all know, cosmonauts carry classified photos around with them. As they do, Sam notices one showing a very large number of pillars, and figures that the Decepticons have them. That means that they will need to kidnap Sentinel Prime, so he gets moving to make sure ole Senty has some protection. He also calls Mearing and tells her what’s going on.
Now comes one of the only really cool and well-done action scenes in the film. The Autobots are driving along a major freeway in Washington, DC, trying to get to safety. As they do, along come some Decepticons and they start attacking.
The battle sequence here is pretty well done. You have three Decepticons attacking five Autobots. The only thing the Autobots are doing is trying to escape. It’s all very nicely done and entertaining, especially one shot where, as he drives, Bumblebee goes into robot mode to avoid some debris, ejecting Sam in the process, and then catching him and transforming back. It’s really cool! Of course it is dragged down somewhat by Sam screaming like a little bitch the entire time.
The chase concludes with Ironhide, some other Autobot, and two Decepticons in a face-off. One of the Decepticons appears to be a Predator.
The Autobots offer to let the Decepticons drop their weapons and leave. They drop their weapons, but of course have more, so there’s another small fight that ends with Ironhide kicking one of them into a building, causing the building to explode (because everything is explodable in a Michael Bay movie!). Of course, there were probably people hiding out in that building, trying not to be killed. Joke’s on them, eh?
Once everyone is at the NEST base in the city, Sentinel whips out his gun and shoots Ironhide. Turns out that ol’ Senty was actually working with the Decepticons all along. He shoots at Bumblebee, does some damage to the base, kills some NEST guys, and then leaves as Ironhide dies.
Okay, I’m confused. Not by Sentinel being a traitor; I could care less about that. No, I’m confused why he chose the moment he did to reveal himself and attack everyone, then escape. Surely the better idea would have been to attack the Autobots alongside the three Decepticons from earlier, then go to the NEST base and kill everyone there? He could have wiped out Ironhide, Bumblebee and whoever the other two are, plus the three Decepticons wouldn’t have been killed. Okay, maybe he was willing to write them off and see them die, but tactically it still would have been the better option.
We catch up to Sentinel at another NEST base. At least I think it’s a different one. It looks like it’s near an airfield or something, and not in the middle of DC, or even Chicago pretending to be DC. But Sam and the NEST boys are there, so I guess it’s the same place? Mearing, upon her arrival, makes mention of a back gate, but I’m not buying it.
Anyhow, Sentinel is rampaging through the base, throwing airplanes and calling on Mearing to “return what belongs to me!”
Sentinel leaves and Optimus shows up just after the nick of time. From the way things are being staged, I guess I have to conclude that this is indeed supposed to be the same NEST base in the middle of DC, but it sure doesn’t seem that way.