Beast Wars. Yesssss. Far more interesting than an obviously merchandise-driven show had to be. (“Two or three episodes have passed. Time to introduce a character or change a character’s form!”)

To be fair, I don’t think these movies are bad because they stray from the source and the source was high art and the greatest thing the 80’s brought us. I think these movies are bad because they’re bad. Though the complete disrespect of the source material doesn’t help. ANother thing that doesn’t help is Marky Mark. HIs line delivery.. I’m pretty sure he’s doing an impression of Andy Samberg’s impression of him, and is just trolling us. Or, he honestly doesn’t know he’s terrible. “Hey, Optimus. So you’re a robot who turns into a truck. What’s that like? Say hi to your mother for me.”

Fair Warning! I never – and I mean NEVER, not EVER, not even ONCE – watched anything with the Transformers in it, before I saw this movie. I was from the Jonny Quest generation, so when the Transformers came around, I was too old to do the “willing suspension of disbelief” necessary to accept the premise that, of ALL the things a robot could change into, it would be a car !??! It’s like that scene from the movie, “Sky High”, where they are having the Hero / Sidekick power placement test, and one of the kids is a shapeshifter … but the kid can only change into a big beach ball, lol! Useless as (insert anatomically improbable generic put-down here). Go to time index 2m25s. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snLDrZ8mgKc
Anyway, not a fan, never a fan, HATE the whole concept and always have, never watched the cartoon, never owned the toys, never saw any of the movies, never wanted to have anything to do with ANY of it. So, I can say with some confidence that 1) I am coming at this from the position of a complete Transformers Universe virgin, and 2) if anything, my default position has always been undisguised hostility and derision, i.e. “Transformers suck, and anyone who loves them is a moron, or an adult baby, or both!”
So, when did this all change? Let me say it was a slow, almost glacial, (dare I say it?) … transformation. The first bit of Transformabilia that ever caught my eye was the now-iconic bat-suit / wing-suit jump over Chicago, which I saw in the previews while waiting for another sci-fi movie to start at the cinema. I still hated Transformers, but I was IMPRESSED, no doubt about it. That was so … Michael Bay! “Nothing exceeds like excess”, but that was SO totally over-the-top that even I had to go “OOOhhh! AAAHHH!” with the rest of the audience, lol.
For a long time after that, nothing happened. Then the previews for T4 came out, and I started taking notice … again. And, slowly but surely, I knew I was going to see the movie … but “just to see the action sequences”. So, yesterday (Friday, July 19, 2014), I finally girded my loins, plunked down my $8 at the local cinema, and watched T4.
And it absolutely blew my socks off.
Now, a few caveats and disclaimers. I have watched much of Michael Bay’s portfolio of films: The Rock (personal favorite), Armageddon (2nd place), Pearl Harbor (jumped the shark), and The Island (JABR = Just Another Bad Re-make), to name a few. I have largely sided with the co-founders of South Park – too many explosions and effects, hardly any plot. In short, I don’t like Mr. Bay’s creative “style”, I generally avoid his most recent movies like the clap, and my opinion of him is only a bare notch above “hack”. The fact that he is a rich and successful hack only adds insult to injury. In short, I don’t like Michael Bay, and wish the earth would open up and swallow him whole.
So, I went in to see T4 knowing it was going to be action-heavy. I did not know anything about Transformers cannon, history, Universe mechanics, characters, who-played-who in what films, etc. I was a completely clean slate. My expectations were bargain-basement clearance table low, I just went to see my favorite whipping boy blow shit up. And, strangely enough, I think all these negatives are why I had such a wonderful time.
I bought into the Transformers Universe hook, line, and sinker from the minute the movie started. I didn’t compare it to the cartoon series, or the previous films, I didn’t get pissed because my favorite character or actor didn’t appear, was changed or ret-conned, or because the movie broke cannon … because I didn’t know jack about any of that. Everything was new, so I could judge it – stand or fall – on its own merits. And, of course, I expected things to blow up from start to finish, I expected the characters to be 2-dimensional and under-developed, and I expected the plot to be almost superfluous and wholly subjugated to the action.
I was surprised that all the various characters were introduced in a natural and realistic fashion, the exposition of the previous films and the Transformers Universe generally was not forced and flowed naturally from the plot … and there WAS a plot. And realistic, loveable characters. And realistic, hate-able villains with realistic motives and motivations. It was a bit cheesy, yes, but WAY less than I was expecting. Optimus was noble, but became increasingly disillusioned as the film progressed, until he was down-right pragmatic by the finale … and his eventual redemption was not the sort of “deus ex machine” b.s. that I expected (and, all too often, blatantly and unrepentantly happens in franchises based on an after-school kids’ cartoon show.) It flowed naturally from all that had come before, “no unicorns or rainbows need apply”.
Of course, the action was insane, an adrenaline-packed roller coaster from start to finish … but it wasn’t your usual G.I.Joe “everybody parachutes safely after getting shot down” watered-down baby pablum … altho there was some of that too … but this was full-on, hard-core, “he’s got a GUN to X’s head and you know he WILL put a bullet thru X’s brain if he doesn’t get the info he wants”, X-Files black-ops, Dark Knight, adult entertainment. I had a blast (pun intended) watching it all and came out the far side still damp with sweat and my heart-strings thoroughly pulled upon.
There was a good plot, great character development, the CGI was largely seamless and flawless … yada-yada-yada … just go see it!
In summation, I give T4 a solid 9.8 / 10 score. The only real fault I can think of – other than it’s STILL Michael Bay doing yet another Transformers flick – was that there were a few too many “endless miracle saves”, you know the kind, hero JUST misses getting hit by falling bricks, which make him ALMOST lose his footing and fall off the 2×4 he is tightrope-walking across over the yawning chasm between 2 rooftops, yada-yada-yada a la Indiana Jones. Fortunately, that only happened in a really obvious way 2-3 times, and then only briefly, so it wasn’t a major barrier to my enjoyment, but it did kind of jar my “willing suspension of disbelief”. Most of the time tho, I was solidly worried that someone was going to finally run out of luck & get squashed like a bug, and with good cause to be.
Best $8 I have spent on a movie this summer, and I hope Mr. Bay makes his T5 soonest, lol. I will be there to see it, when it comes out … damn it!