Top Three Movies In Which Billy Zane Portrays a Psychopath Who Loses a Girl to a Romantic Rival and Escapes From a Sinking Ship

Nicole Kidman had several Australian tv shows and movies under her belt – who could forget classic BMX Bandits – but it was Dead Calm (1989) that introduced her to an international audience. In this movie Billy Zane escapes his sinking schooner Orpheus, and falls for occasionally butt-naked Nicole Kidman, whose numbskull husband Sam Neill practically abandons her to bipolar Billy. Hijinks ensue. Four Stars!

An independent film that wowed ‘em at Sundance, Titanic (1997) is probably the best-known movie IWBZPAPCTLAGTARRAEFASS. Zane hits just the right note – somewhere between douchey and maniacal — that lets the audience see exactly why occasionally butt-naked Kate Winslet might want to pass him up in favor of Leonardo DiCaprio. Of course Zane wins in the end – escaping the titular Titanic atop a lifeboat that could hold 60 people. Four Stars!

A movie of sub-Zalman King idiocy, Survival Island (2005) must have been some sort of paycheck for Billy Zane, or favor for his then-girlfriend Kelly Brook. In this shipwreck of a movie, Billy Zane plays a paranoid, douchey guy who is on a boat, and yadda yadda yadda desert island with occasionally butt-naked Kelly Brook. But of course he loses her to a romantic rival who looks just like Billy Zane in Dead Calm, thus bringing the whole trilogy to some sort of conclusion. No Stars.

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  • FauxAntocles

    I got lost in the acronym – what’s CT?

    • “A Psychopathic Character That ” – there was some editing done!

  • Arcturus

    I always thought the phrase was “buck naked.” What the hell is “butt naked?”

    • WA Bishop

      “Butt naked” = naked butt”Buck naked” = being paid to be naked

  • Will Billy Zane help us achieve nirvana?~