Tim Tebow Will Help You Be The Manliest Jesus Lover Ever Just Like Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow Will Help You Be The Manliest Jesus Lover Ever Just Like Tim Tebow

How’d you guys spend Easter? Dinner with the family? Avoiding dinner with the family? Being a heathen or a Jew? No matter, because now you’re sad that you did not celebrate Easter chopping wood, like Jesus did (carpenters chopped their own wood, right?), with a beswollen Tim Tebow and a bearded dude from Duck Dynasty. Oh, fuck you if you think we can keep the Duck Dynasty guys straight.

All we can think of when we look at that tweet is that Tim Tebow is morphing into that dude Ronnie from Jersey Shore.


The Duck Dynasty dude is Jase Robertson, who is not the grizzled patriarch that said really racist and homophobic things, but is probably still pretty racist and homophobic, maybe?!

Either way, it is nice to see that Tim is keeping busy since no one will actually let him play football, mostly because he was sort of bad at playing football. No matter, because it frees up time so he can work on his pecs and tour with Robertson to talk about how much they love Jesus.

Tebow and Robertson, who are both devout Christians, were first seen together on a 2013 speaking circuit in which they shared their personal testimonies and faith with several high school football teams. […]

The two men will hit the speaking circuit again this July, stopping by the University of South Florida for the 2014 Wildfire “Men’s Impact Weekend” conference.

Man, we are PUMPED for that conference! Pumped like Tim Tebow’s glistening muscles, because it will also have such luminaries as Bobby Bowden and Brock Gray! OK actually we have no idea who those people are, but we’re sure they will lead us to Jesus because we will be doing Manly Jesus Stuff together all weekend.

[From the Mission Statement] To create a movement that inspires men to deepen their relationship with God, the one who placed these longings of competition, adventure, and the outdoors in their soul.

To use what men love — hunting, fishing, football, baseball, motorcycles, classic cars, sporting competitions, racing, extreme sports and other outdoor activities — to bring them closer to the heart of God.

Man, nothing says “I would like to honor the life of a simple impoverished carpenter from Galilee” like classic cars, right?? And we feel closer to Jesus just thinking about playing football with Tim Tebow. Our journey to faith is gonna be SO RAD, DUDE.

[Bleacher Report/Wildfire Weekend]

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  • msanthropesmr

    Was Jesus a Ford or a Chevy Man?

    • Dragoon21b

      what are you taking about everyone knows Jesus had a Jeep

      • Force Crater

        I remember Jeep!

    • nightmoth

      Neither. Rode a donkey (democrat?) when he wasn’t hiking.

  • Ginger Snap

    Is chopping wood a euphemism for hot man on man sex? It sure sounds like it.

    • Rocky in Texas said…

      Hey Tim… Be careful wacking the wood because if you wack your wood the way you throw a football, your gonna have that stuff flying everywhere.Does that help you any, Ginger?!

  • I’m sure they’ll be impacting a lot of men that weekend.

  • AKLynne

    Is that wounded tree getting blood all over his axe? Wonder how long it took for the chain saw to come out after the photo op.

    • Alan Kyder

      The tree he’s axing is barely scratched, and every bit of the wood stacked in the background was cut with a chainsaw. So not long.

      • David Stegemeyer

        He’s using a splitting maul which is not really suitable for chopping a tree apart. This is an analogy on how he plays football.

        • Alan Kyder

          Even Better

        • Lemmy Caution

          You beat me to it, David. That is a maul and you would never use it to chop through a tree. Only an idiot would pretend to, which apparently is what is going on here.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Are there going to be strippers, or what?

  • dsmith

    I think we can safely say this is a photo op. That looks like an oak tree he’s chopping on which is a very hard wood. Good luck on getting anywhere with that ax.

    • Ginantonic

      Hell, it isn’t even an ax. It’s a splitting maul. All that wood in the background has been cut with a saw. Only an idiot would believe these two yahoos are cutting wood … so I guess their fans are impressed.

  • Hammiepants

    “Other outdoor activities” is a fireside circle jerk, isn’t it?

  • Kynthia Alice

    Oh crap. I read this article and got covered in dude-ish-ness. I gotta go shower again.Ugh.

  • Rocky in Texas said…

    Didn’t Timmy ever learn that you are supposed to keep your eye on your wood while your wacking ?!

  • nightmoth

    “Tebow and Robertson, who are both devout Christians”Wow. They wouldn’t know a devout Christian if one kicked them in the butt. Which wouldn’t happen because pacifism.