Jun 2, 2020
Three Statues Worse Than Aberdeen, Washington’s New ‘Kurt Cobain Jesus’
Here is a beyooooootiful statue that the town of Aberdeen, Washington, unveiled as part of its Feb. 20 hometown-boy-made-dead “Kurt Cobain Day” celebration. Look at that dumb, vagina-faced, crying Cobain weeping salty Jesus tears! Local “sculptor” Randi Hubbard, your statue is bad, and you should feel bad! Wait, what’s this?
Hubbard, a former truck driver, began building the statue from concrete, pipes and other materials shortly after Cobain’s death in 1994, since when it has been on display at her retail business, Hubb’s Muffler Shop. Cobain’s grandfather reportedly visited the shop frequently to witness its construction.
Now that we know that Hubbard’s heretical Kurt Cobain Jesus statue is unambiguously AWESOME, let’s find some other statues of beloved entertainers and folks for us to laugh at and/or cower from!
This. This Marilyn Monroe statue in Palm Springs is awful. You maybe can’t tell from this picture, which tarts it up pretty nice, but in person, the 26-foot-tall monster’s face is all weird and creepy, and getting to stand under her beaver is just fucking rude. Here, let’s look at it from a different angle!
Fuckin’ classy dudes.
This Fonzie statue needs to be stolen by copper thieves and melted for scrap. Henry Winkler is LITERALLY the world’s nicest man — we interviewed him once, and after we squealed like an idiot for about 10 minutes, he did not even shame us! And this is the thanks he gets? This terrifying Terminator 2 murderer robot man?
What the fuck is even going on here? Did Pat Tillman run from his sportsball game at whatever corporately named arena the Arizona Cardinals play in straight into friendly fire in Afghanistan? WHY IS HIS HEAD ON FIRE. SOMEONE PUT HIM OUT.
Add your most worstest terrible statues in the comments. Winner gets “nothing.”