Sep 19, 2017
The Lord of the Rings (1978) (part 8 of 11)
Anyway, on with the “quest”. Our zeroes wander through rooms and things which are admittedly kind of atmospheric, and come across the requisite Ancient Tome in a room full of skulls and stuff. Gandalf reads from the Ancient Tome, which is a record of the dwarf city. The gist of it is that the place was invaded by orcs: the ugly, evil servants of… oh, come on. Everyone knows what an orc is!
Hearing this, Idiot Cousin pathetically says, “I don’t wanna stay here!” while clutching Gandalf’s hand. Look, Bakshi, just because the hobbits are small doesn’t mean they’re children. Stop making them run and hide behind the Big People every time trouble arises.
My prayers are finally answered when a huge, terrifying horde of orcs shows up, waving its weapons with malice aforethought. Hah. Just kidding. In fact there are only seven of them. I counted. Plus, they’re not even animated, just actors in terrible costumes, tinted a ghastly army-green with (natch) red eyes drawn on them. This is how the orcs will look for pretty much the entirety of the movie. We’ll only get to see a fully animated orc one time, for about half a second, and even then it’s only his feet.