Jul 1, 2019
The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995) (part 10 of 11)
In a motel room, Father LaVey tells the Inspector, “It’s almost dusk! It’s pointless to wait any longer!” If you ask me, it’s pointless to have waited this long. “John,” the Inspector says, “Doesn’t it bother you, your being a priest, that you could just, you know… kill a man?” The Father says that Ted is not a man, but “a beast! The most dangerous instrument of Satan that ever existed!”
The Inspector says, “Well, if Ted’s the best Satan can dig up, we don’t have a whole lot to worry about!” Wow, I’ve never seen a movie display this much candor about its ineffectual protagonist, but hey, I’ll second that emotion. The Father wants to know what he means by this, and the Inspector says “Ted has got to be the dumbest sonofabitch’n’ [sic] werewolf who ever existed!”
The Father explains this is what makes him so “clever”. The Inspector says, “Clever? Since when has shooting yourself in the foot been clever? Why, Watson wouldn’t have needed Holmes to work this one out!” Father LaVey says Ted confessed to being a werewolf, but the Inspector says he only confessed to being in the “wrong place at the wrong time”.
Seeing as how there’s only a few more minutes left to the movie, the men proceed to wrap things up. At least, if this were an actual movie, that’s what they would be doing now. This would involve the two men pointing out all the clues along the way that add up to the stunning, yet perfectly logical conclusion they’ve drawn. Instead, what comes next is some of the densest, most confusing exposition ever crammed into the final minutes of a movie. If you can make any sense out of what the two men come up with next, well, then my hat’s off to you.