The Hottie & the Nottie (2008) (part 2 of 5)

The film begins, like many an alleged romantic comedy, with the leads meeting each other as children. It’s exactly the flashback scene you’d expect, with a tender pop song, and voiceover narration provided by the Lead Guy, now an adult, looking back upon the time he first met the girl of his dreams.

In this case, the guy is a redhead named Nate, and the girl is a blonde named Cristabel. In case you can’t guess, these are our two leads as kids, but just to underline it, the credits for Paris Hilton and the guy playing Nate are shown next to their childhood versions.

Caption contributed by Albert

Sorry, but there’s no way this little girl will grow up to be Paris Hilton. She looks far too much like a normal human being.

Li’l Nate is instantly smitten with L’il Cristabel. Cut to Li’l Nate making a big elaborate Valentine’s Day card for Cristabel, with glitter, glue, and candy hearts. He’s about to give it to her… and then we cut to, per the captions, “TWENTY YEARS LATER” and “SOMEWHERE IN MAINE”.

In an apartment, adult Nate has an acoustic guitar and sings a terrible song to his girlfriend. The song is all about the evil things she did to him, such as ripping up his suits, and shaving his head while he was asleep. That’s actually what the song is about. I’m not paraphrasing at all.

Caption contributed by Albert

Joan Baez has a real anger management problem.

In response, the girlfriend grabs the guitar and smashes it over Nate’s head, and she cries and sobs that the songs he writes are not songs about being in love with her, but rather about all the awful things she did to him. It’s revealed that, in addition to shaving his head and ripping his suits, she also spray painted his car. And yet, he still wants to be with her. Why does he want to be with a woman who shaved his head and spray painted his car? Or am I thinking too hard about this movie already?

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Multi-Part Article: The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)

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